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  • Lori

    Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices
    • 28 comments
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I hate hurting the woman I love.

My wife asked me flatly if I am going to transition fully this evening.  I'm not sure if she meant surgically or not, but I had to say probably.  I hate making her cry, but I couldn't outright lie to her.  The time that I spend as Tilly is the happiest and most relaxed time that I can remember recently.  But I don't know if I can handle breaking my wife's heart.  I know that if I don't do this I am lying to myself, and it will hurt me worse in the long run. Yours in emotional pain, Til

Tilly

Tilly

 

Weird Sensation

I was wondering if this happens to others?  Since i have grown my small Breasts, when I sneeze my nipples get erect.  This may or may not be unusual.  I have asked a sis female and she thought it was weird saying no it doesn't happen to her.  Yet, I wonder if it is just unique to me.  This didn't happen to me when my nipples were flat on my chest ha ha.

Jennifer3037

Jennifer3037

 

Not sure what to feel

I have just been told by my ex partner that she got engaged to her new man last night and my brain is struggling to absorb the information. I was looking after the 3 dogs this weekend with the children to allow her to travel down and hand our divorce papers in and then go for a hospital appointment today that had implications for a possible op so I was trying to help alleviate stress. I knew she would probably meet up with her man but that was not really a big deal, but promising to marry him ki
 

A weird fantasy

OK, I had a really weird thought cross my mind today.  I said before that I was surprised when I realalized that I was crushing on my best friend, now that is gone to a new level.  While I was snuggling into him, I had a daydream pass my brain that scared me at first, then made me smile and snuggle a little closer.  I thought about taking him as a girl would.  For a second I thought I was going crazy, but then i thought, 'hey, he's a nice guy, why wouldn't I.' Again, just my odd thoughts,

Tilly

Tilly

 

New Ally

I initially titled this an ally - but after forgetting to put the space in when I typed it in google to check my spelling I changed my mind 😳 I travelled down the road last night with my children to stay at my sisters house, we both have daughters who were born on the same day and so while cousins they often look and behave as twins. (My two younger sisters who I am yet to tell about my trans feelings are twins so I really do know).  Once the kids had been sent to bed I got to sit up and ha
 

Different Kind of Day at Work

Last weekend was a long weekend off for me, Friday, Sat, Sun and Monday off from my "retirement"  part time job with a Medi- Transportation Co., picking up clients and bringing them to their medical appointments. Was looking forward to the continuity of being able to live life just as Jess, and I did just that.   By Monday night, I dreaded Tuesday having to return to boy mode and go back to work.  That evening, I got my text from the boss, also a business friend, for Tuesday's assignment asking
 

Moving forward

Well, I ordered Pueraria Mirifica, if it works as it is supposed to, I will start to develop a bit upstairs, along with some other benefits.  When my wife notices, I have a feeling she will just leave...or kick me out.  I think I am beyond caring because I am as calm about this as I have been about anything in quite a while. I love you all, Tilly

Tilly

Tilly

 

Am I your type?

I do not mean it in that way before anyone panics. I just like the play on words...     I was just reading a blog by someone who identified themselves as an INFJ woman - a lot of what she wrote made sense, and the 3 times I have done Meyers Briggs I have always been INFP.  Sometimes I drift a little but it comes as no surprise, given the emotional turmoil I have gone through in the last 6 months I thought I would give it a go and see where I classify - I took maybe 3 minutes to answer
 

The ultimatum

Well my wife actually delivered an ultimatum, if I transition, she will divorce me.  Part of me wants to just get it over with, but I totally don't want to hurt my daughter.  I don't know if spending time with friends every so often as my true self will be enough.  She knows that I cross dress when i am with them and showed serious displeasure when I try told her. I wish I could have gotten an initial appointment with a therapist before April 3.  I really need professional help. Thanks

Tilly

Tilly

 

Stopped by the Fashion Police

When I was 15 or so my friend and I discovered the self printing business card machine in the local shopping centre. We were always on the lookout for a cheap way to spend the most time when we were out so we promptly hatched a plan that seemed hilarious to us at the time. We printed out 250 business cards that said (something along the lines of)   "Stop. We are the fashion police. You are under arrest for crimes against fashion." And for the afternoon we became the fash
 

Feeling Different

Well this morning has been an interesting one, I've been realising that a few of my feelings have shifted... Since the end of last October I have been using female deodorant exclusively, I prefer the smell and found that the "sure" brand were neutral enough for everyday use without being overtly feminine. I ran out this week and hadn't bought more as the kids have been with me when I have gone shopping, so used my male deodorant for the first time in months this morning and realised that I do no

ScottishDeeDee

ScottishDeeDee

 

First time sleeping alone.

Tonight is the first time my wife stormed out of the bedroom when I came to bed...I'm laying here crying wondering if this is the sign that it's over...If it's best for her then so be it, I have already know that I am not wearing women's clothes just for the sake of it, nor do I want to hurt anyone just because of this.  There is just no way that I could purge just to make her happy, but it's ripping me apart knowing that I am upsetting her.  She will not even talk to me right now.

Tilly

Tilly

 

One small step

So today I took another small step forwards. I have just called the GIC Outreach clinic closest to me.  I now have an appointment to talk with someone about my gender on 2nd October this year.  What a total difference to the last time I tried to call!  Last time I chickened out dialling twice and then talked myself out of it because I wasn't sure where any of my feelings and desires to be female had come from nor why they were so strong. I didn't want to do anything that woul

ScottishDeeDee

ScottishDeeDee

 

Wondering if my marriage is salvageable.

So, I have been paying attention to how my wife acts, she doesn't even want to look at me.  She will not kiss me at all, and only reluctantly allowing me ko kiss her forehead or cheek.  As much as I love her and want her to love me for who I am, I am really wondering if there is anything left there to save.  Even before I came to the realization of why I was so uncomfortable in my skin we had only had sex a couple of times per year over the past five or so years. When I tried to snuggle int

Tilly

Tilly

 

when it starts to make no sense

there are days i wonder if i need to rethink what it means to exist as i am,will i find another path to break down other walls and find a bright room on the other side,or is it better to stay safe here alone in this dark and warm shadow of reality? i used to know the answer to this,but at 72 i have begun to once again ask questions with no answers concerning my expectations from life walls protect while caging us in our pain and fear,but as one book said,i have no mouth and i MUST SCREAM so

anunitu

anunitu

 

The List

On Tilly's recent blog after some encouragement from Monica, Emma very kindly shared a list of things that she had shared with her therapist while wrestling with her identity. It had been split into different age stages but included some if not all of the "pointers" and memories that hinted at her true gender. Christy had also said she had found the exercise of creating a list beneficial to her.  So last night I sat up and decided to see if I could compile my own "List".  I w

ScottishDeeDee

ScottishDeeDee

 

A difficult conversation

Well, I came out to my wife tonight.  The best I can say about her initial reaction is that we are still sleeping in the same bed.  She has expressed more anger over me lying to her then wanting to wear women's clothing.  I tried to explain to her that I didn't keep it from her for any more then a week, because that is when I finally realized what my history and current feelings were.  I was so terrified that I was going to have to find somewhere else to sleep, at least for a while (who knows, I

Tilly

Tilly

 

Just some more thoughts.

When my wife caught me wearing a bra, she asked me if I was going to transition.  Before that moment, I had not even considered the idea of wearing women's clothing as anything other than a dirty little secret.  At the time, I stated vehemently, "No, I had no intention of becoming a woman,"  however, her question started my mind stirring.  I have been in turmoil for the week and a half since, but I am starting to come to terms with my gender fluidity.  The more I think about it, the more I start

Tilly

Tilly

 

A small intro.

Ok, this is probably not the normal way to use a blog, but I figured putting my thoughts and feelings somewhere could help me sort out where I am.  Most of the posts by me in here will likely be rather short.  If there is anyone out there that wants to read and it helps them, all the better. Ok, to get started, I am Tilly.  I am new to all of this and aml struggling with a lot of things.  My wife reacted somewhat poorly when she caught me 'under dressing,' but womans' undergarments have bee

Tilly

Tilly

 

Restless before the rain came

This is attempt number 2 - I have literally taken most of it from my other post and tried to remember what I had written differently! I have had this weekend pretty much to myself, normally I spend most evenings wishing I had the time to be me, but whether it is because I have been out a lot or just not had the time I do not know. Today though was different, I went to work this morning but as soon as I arrived back home I changed into some leggings and a jumper and did some hopefully s

ScottishDeeDee

ScottishDeeDee

 

Saratoga Pride

Saratoga Pride is an LBGTQ group outside of my hometown but close enough that I thought it would be worthwhile to check out.  I stumbled upon it from meeting Amy a few weeks ago.  They were having their annual dinner last night at a small restaurant/ pub, "50 South", just outside Saratoga, NY.  There was a rather small group there, about 30, less than I expected, not knowing what to expect, which also was good as it made for a more intimate setting.  (I give the restaurant a 5 of 5 on the food a

Jessicatoyou

Jessicatoyou

 

The Final Solution Is Wrong

Depression or sadness? Well there's a huge difference between the two. Sadness sucks. Maybe your favorite team lost the championship. Maybe your family said your meatloaf sucked. Maybe you're just having an off day. It's ok to cry. Let it out. Don't let anyone laugh at you for crying. Depression is beyond. Depression is an emotional disorder. The sufferers feel those things all day every day. They have no hope for tomorrow. They have no hope for today. They don't have the ability to get out

Blackangel

Blackangel

 

An Unexpected Savior

Some years ago, before I met my wife, I was homeless. I spent 3 years on the street with nowhere to go. I lived in an old abandoned feed mill. My egg donor and female DNA match only lived a few blocks from me, but neither would take me in. During that time I was alone. Virtually. Where I was staying there was an old pile of sawdust and grain. It was about 6 feet high and probably about 12 feet wide. There was a colony of rats living in it. I would say close to 100 there. I knew that they would t

Blackangel

Blackangel

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