Blogs

Don't judge!

Honestly, I spend most of my life telling other people not to judge others; both professionally and personally, and yet I was caught out doing it this weekend. I have 4 sisters, 2 older and 2 younger, the older sisters I see regularly and have kept up to date about my questioning and gender counselling and they have been very supportive even though they have never seen me as particularly feminine. My younger sisters accepted the news when I told them, but I always thought the youngest

ScottishDeeDee in Mood

December 13, 2020

Dream Achieved

I am struggling to wrap the text around the image so I just punted it below. Here we have an obligatory bathroom selfie to prove that I know how to get dressed, even in a car by the side of the road, and a picture of me just about to enjoy the first ever Oatmilk Latte as DeeDee. I look a state because I was in one, masks and glasses and moving from cold air into warm and wigs and trying to say words I have never spoken in my higher voice.... just...breathe! The Barista put my name

ScottishDeeDee in Achieving a goal

December 3, 2020

Emma Sweet's Blog

Girlfriend

Almost two months ago I received a message on a dating app: "You have a warm smile." I checked out her profile and we started messaging back and forth. In and of itself this was so amazing for me. I was on a half-dozen dating apps (the usual suspects) and mostly received messages that someone had looked at my profile. So what? They didn't hang out, follow up with me, did they? Also, of late, I've felt more satisfied with being single. Not resigned to it. Actually, pretty happy. But has so

Emma in Emma

November 29, 2020

Bubbling restless energy

This afternoon I cheered myself up from an emotionally draining morning of work by trying to cut my dysphoria list down. I have whittled out 4 pages which dealt more with emotional connections than direct gender conforming and exception examples, and I have tried to use single sentences rather than explain instances, but it is really hard. I'm skimming through 30-40 years here. While doing this I have realised that I am really, really wanting to start coming out socially. The i

ScottishDeeDee in Mood

November 21, 2020

I write too much!

So I have just finished my gender counselling and am in between appointments, so I will need to go and change and wipe any signs of DeeDee away for the day. The psychologist loved my list, she said it effectively sums up my life and ties in my emotions and struggles with gender roles and identities, but she also said while she felt bad she wanted me to cut the list down. She said she looks at it from a psychological perspective and found that even she as getting distracted from the gender a

ScottishDeeDee in Counselling

November 19, 2020

My Dysphoria List (may contain triggers)

Most of you will know that I tried to do a list like this at the beginning of last year and struggled to make more than a few bullet points from my childhood that I remember being centred around gender roles and my discomfort with them, but my counsellor has asked me to send it to her before our next session so tonight I thought I would look at it and see what I could remember, I wrote 10 pages!!! 😲 and that's condensing my marriage down to just a sentence or two. I am still unsure w

ScottishDeeDee in Dysphoria

November 16, 2020

Authenticity

Level Zero

Trigger Warning... It is not easy to write about myself and my journey. I have always struggled with sharing who I am out of fear. A fear that is grounded in my actual experiences of rejection and violence. While this is not easy, I hope that by sharing my journey it will be both therapeutic for me and inspirational to others. This is where I am starting from, it is my level zero: Age: I am 43, almost 44 years old. I struggle with my age a great deal. I regret that I did not

Raina76 in Rock Bottom

November 16, 2020

Jessica

Vaginoplasty... Full depth or Shallow depth?

I have noticed some discussion recently on the topic of Vagino-depth and thought my experience might be beneficial to some considering either/or. This is an especially important decision for anyone considering vaginoplasty, and many factors should be to be considered. I chose to opt for a full depth vaginoplasty, and my experience is limited only to that. I am now 15 weeks post op. During the year prior to surgery, I often flip-flopped over whether shallow depth would be the best option f

Jessicatoyou in Vaginoplasty

November 10, 2020

Just a little vanity :)

Honestly, I just want to commemorate feeling great about myself today lol. As I finished writing up my wordpress blog today I had such a feeling of happiness and well being that even changing back to my black and grey boys clothes and dealing with more school drama, and the cancellation of my online D&D game tonight hasn't quite managed to quash. I look at that picture of me in my kitchen, smiling because of how ridiculous it feels to be balancing a phone on a draw in order to try

ScottishDeeDee in Counselling

November 5, 2020

HRT

I just got done with the initial informed consent process for HRT. I can't believe I'm doing this! This is what I've been dreaming about (literally) all my life! I cried and laughed at the same time when I realized this is getting real. Love you all!

November 2, 2020

Barefoot Tracks

Digital Identity

This past weekend I was part of a discussion about transition and digital identities. Since I've been taking a really deep introspective dive through my digital identity in Second Life, and through this community and on various forms of Social Media. I had thoughts. Assuming you are expressing yourself genuinely (as opposed to deliberately playing the role of a character separate from you), then however that expression presents is *valid*. Even if you're presenting in with a different na

Dezzy

November 2, 2020

Barefoot Tracks

Straight up CopyPasta!

Copied from the forum topic "The start of my Journey" in General Transgender Discussion. Dezzy discovers blogging! YAY! I've mentioned in a couple of threads that I'm just coming to my identity. It's very confusing and I don't have the language I need to express myself cleanly. But that's what our community is for isn't it? To help people coming into this new knowing of themselves to express themselves and understand better. I came of age in the eighties, in the Midwest of the Unit

Dezzy

October 29, 2020

Halloween Home cosplay

A few weeks ago I decided to start making a cosplay - for those who don't know cosplay is taking a (usually) fictional character that you like and recreating their look, folks who have gone to 'cons will have seen hundreds of them. It is effectively like dresing up for a halloween party, but usually tied to an aspect of geek culture instead of horror. I was rewatching the RWBY series recently and was struck by the main charcacter Ruby Rose: Although in

October 29, 2020

Characteristics ---

Halloween Costumes and costumes in general

Here we go - Halloween is upon us and I know that most of us like to dress for the occasion. Please show your favorite Halloween Costume here. Dawn - My latest photo I am using for a contest attached below.

Dawn13

October 22, 2020

Birthday Blog

I am on my own for birthday, my son was down the road watching his mum remarry and he and my daughter will come to mine for a week tomorrow. I have spent most of this week staying in the house but my toenails are baby blue, my fingernails were sparkly until yesterday and are now coated in clear varnish, but cut back dow. The whole week I have been able to dress as myself and it has been wonderful. Yesterday I told one of my other long term friends that I am trans. He was gobsmacked b

October 17, 2020

Emma Sweet's Blog

Glennon Doyle: “Untamed”

I love this book. It speaks to me so well. So much, that I’m reading it again—for the third time. While taking the light rail this morning I read: ”When we let ourselves feel, our inner self transforms. But here’s the rub: Destruction is essential to construction. If we want to build the new, we must be willing to let the old burn. We must be committed to holding on to nothing but the truth. We must decide that if the truth inside us can burn a belief, a family structure, a business, a

Emma

October 15, 2020

Taking a deep breath

Yesterday was a long day, my ex mother inlaw came up for an overnight stay. My son has been stressed all week, they are now in what we call the tattie holidays in Scotland (because schools used to give children 2 weeks holiday to go and harvest potatoes (tatties)) so he will be away all week. His stress is because my ex is getting married this coming weekend, and he will be at her wedding and not with me - because it is also my birthday weekend. Next week I will get to have both kids though

October 12, 2020

How time flies

I have been feeling reflective this morning. (I know, what else is new) It has been a whirlwind of a week and so after I got my son off to school I simply went to bed for an hour or so and dozed. Well, that's not totally true, I changed out of my dad pj's into a cotton nighty and went back to bed and dozed - I didn't even think about it. Then when I decided to stop being too lazy and get up I tried to decide what to wear, technically today was my day off so I thought... why not

October 5, 2020

Electrolysis & HRT

I'm so excited! Tomorrow first appointments for electrolysis on beard and on my downstairs mixup! Already been doing it on back, neck, brows, nose, and ears, so at least I know how it feels. Can't wait. This is gonna be fun!!! And on Wednesday I have a drs appointment to talk about HRT. More exceitement! I can hardly sleep!

October 4, 2020

Coming out to my parents

This happened yesterday. And this blog entry will be short, because there's not much to tell. I love my parents, and they love me. Unconditionally. They did not see me being transgender coming at all, so I looked at their blank faces for a few seconds. But then they snapped out of it, and they're supportive. Son or daughter, I am their child. They've heard and seen a lot on the subject in the media, so they were well aware what transgender means. That was about it. I had a fantastic day after co

September 29, 2020

New fad

I think I'm starting a new fad. It's called insomnia. You should try it. Loads of fun.

September 27, 2020

Outside for the first time!

I finally made it outside! Just a short evening walk with my wife, but it was glorious. How's the make up? I'm colourblind, so it's a serious question. Anything with colours is a bit daunting to me.