Briannah

Love you too Monica!  I've enjoyed and leaened from all our convesations and you have definitely touched my life! : )

They are putting the bloomin onion batter on the chicken now.  I didn't try it tho.  LOL I also love the bloomin onion but hardly ever get to eat it, Nikki hated onion ring type things and that is too much for one and doesn't leftover well.

I think goal posts should always be examined, from the psychiatric to job/life choices to the boring mundane little daily habits and food choices.  We learn by quesrioning and the reflections needed to find our answers.  It opens the doors to growth and improvement.  Things that are true and right for us pesonally will remain, usually with a greater understanding of how we got to them and if one is lucky a host of new options to further our growth and avchieving goals.  We are not static, our goals should grow with us! 

Sorry for bad typing, finger is in a splint from a klutz fall and it'd really hard to type like this.  

Yeah, I don't mind reducing our meat consumption, which we have, but I really didn't like the menu options for vegan.  But I'm ahppy it worked for you!

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I recommend the Dash for Dummies book.  I love the for Dummies series, they break down all the basics and the book has everthing frmo the medical sceince to shopping strategies as well as starter recipes.  however, if it's not the right one for you, there are a LOT of options out there!    I just picked mine based on ability to actauly stick with Am nearing the 2 year mark, and I get better at it as we go.   But what fits my life may not fit others. 

I treid the impossible whopper today, speaking of trying new things, and while it sorta tasted like a hamburger, I don't see it replacing my m eat cosnumptin, especialy with the salt content.  They put SO much salt in vegetarian and vegan premade foods.  ugh. : (  I was sad, I was hoping it as a fast and easy for days I can't even deal with life premade food option, until I read the nutrition sections.  Meh.

I also love to eat, which is why we went Dash.  You can have anything, you just have to make it yourself and use other flavorings than salt and keep a count.  LOL  I like the lack of restriction other than figuring how to cook it at an acceptable sodium level.  My chicken Parmesan has gotten even better! : )  Having to cook it all from scratch has gotten Nikki's labs from formal pre-diabetic back to normal, and we've both been taken off our blood pressure meds, I'm relatively stable around 118/82 and the doctor is happy with that.  I cant' remember nikki's number to save my life.  But I don't dump a mass of sugar or corn fructose in anything so it's naturally reducing our sugar levels.  I've adapted to eating a lot more plants, but still utterly fail at asparagus.  I can't for the life of me understand how anyone finds that flavor appealing.  They look so nifty, but taste so bad.  

So six days out and nothing hurts anymore, and I've regained my mobility, both potential side effects were mild and cared for at home following nurse instruction, and I'm starting to get some energy back.  I still wear out easily, but that is normal for me in healing any injury or illness.   

I think I will take your friends word for it and not test out if those things hurt more persoanaly!  

Have a lovely afternoon Monica!  I'm going to go put some of the luandry Nikki did away now that I'm feeling up to resuming some of my housework role. 

I live in a really tiny town with a crappy insurance, I dont' really have any choices available to vet.  On the other hand, the hospital was fantastic, the surgeon has been lovely, and there was not a long waiting list in the schedule to get it done.   You're right about the pain, it was worse than giving birth to Clover, and I always thought that would the absolute maximum top limit on my pain scale.  Oh, how wrong I was.   The onset was rather sudden and abrupt.  I will save that website though as I'm planning to start looking for work again once I recover and Nikki has been looking to change jobs so we may have more options in the future.  

So they didn't put me on any diet restrictiosn after the surgery other than avoid really spicy and fatty foods for at least four days, so I cautiously added dairy back in to see what would happen and...nothing!  Slowly reverting to my normal eating habits, pleased to report no side effects and I'm digesting.  The only issue I seem to be having is I think my mothers weird medical legacy is striking again, I have developed a red itchy rash everywhere that seems to have started at all the adhesive sites (from the iv and the incision bandages) that might indicate I'm developing her allergy to adhesives.  Yay.  And today I barefuly feel the incisions, and am able to move around mostly normally, just have to watch the big one where they actually pulled it out through, it still doesn't like too much moving or bending.  

I thought Dash would be hard, but for us it's been easy to stick too. The main hurdles we faced at the start was learning what all the herbs and spices did to replace the cheap easy salt flavor, and giving up the convenience of buying foods mostly cooked and ready to go like sauces and frozen things.  Once I got into the rhythm of cooking everything from scratch so I could control the salt content, the combination of newly formed habits and Nikki's overwhelming "I LOVE THIS FOOD" response made it my go to.  I'm an attention whore, and I eat up the reaction from him at mealtime.    I think every diet is both hard and easy, and the trick is just finding that one that works with each of us personally and medically.  I really love not being on the blood pressure medication anymore!

That is my new fact for the day, I didn't now Accupuncture had mental health benefits too. : )   

My allergies have started to settle down after decades living in this state.  One of the things they don't tell you about big moves (I live roughly six hundred miles from where I grew up, and grew up literally across the world from where I was born) is that allergies and immunities can be an issue.  Fortunately in my personal case exposure in daily life appears to have had some therapeutic effects and ithe reactions are much duller than it was my first decade here.  I wish you the best conquering yours, allergies have such an impact on life quality in my personal opinion (aside form the obvious potential threat to actual life some people struggle with). 

Hi Monica!  I was researching the apnea thing because I have a certain level of distrust for doctors due to several instances of not being taken seriously over my asthma medications and that emergency surgery issue in the past, and that is when I came upon the depression info. I hadn't known either.  But the research was out there, as well as it making a certain logical sense that a brain deprived of oxygen can't function properly.  I wasn't sold on whatever was going on in my chest being this, but I am now as it's all pretty much cleared up now that I use the machine nightly.  And I've regulated to a normal sleeping pattern again, bonus!   

In my reading I was astounded at how many people die a year not knowing they are at risk or that it's fixable, it's millions.  I honestly don't know how to process that information other than to put it on all my social places, hey peeps, consider looking into this if you have these issues.  Because millions every year.  

Also advocate for yourself and loved ones.  Nikki passed the verbal quiz the doctor gave us, but I insisted on the testing.  Since my insomnia was still in full swing before I got the machine, I had plenty of time nearly every night to realize there was literally no breath sounds or movement, and just before I was reaching to wake him up in a panic there would be this horrifying, horror movie wet gupling gasping noise I can't describe, he'd roll over and breath again.  So the doctor ordered the test, with a clear 'humoring the crazy woman' air at me, but the results were REALLY bad an apparently at an emergency level, where mine was just classed severe.  In fact, they got Nikki the cpap within a month, with an automatic response unit to get the machine to him as fast as possible, while I had to undergo sleep titration at a sleep center after my iniitial diagnostic test and it took about four months from initial test to machine arrival.   We've talked a lot about it now that he's been using it for months, and swears that is absolutely is helping the depression.  It can't magic it away, as the root causes of it aren't purely physical in his case, but he welcome's the relief and did years of therapy for the ptsd from the childhood trauma and takes antidepressents and has a good quality of life again.  I'm really happy about that!

Another cliche of the day apparently, doctors may want to do well in their jobs, but no one cares about your safety as deeply as you or your loved ones I guess. 

I would like to point out there are several online options now with real therapists, so help can be available anywhere in the world with an interenet connection, regardless of location.  And if you don't already have them there are really cheap webcams and microphones out there now.  Here are a couple resource links for your consideration to help you consider the option to get help in your location.  The first link has contacts for 9 different service options, the second on is a basic overview of the option.  Also, they're a little hard to find, but there are support resources out there for the spouses, and by all means consider suggesting she try to find and join one to talk to other people in her position, just like this place is to you.  it's a great benefit.

https://www.verywellmind.com/best-online-therapy-4691206

https://www.talkspace.com/online-therapy/

Preface: take whatever I say as the spouse in this equation, and I speak from that point of view.  

There is no right or wrong here really.  I know it's not a popular viewpoint, but it's not always about love conquers all.  Just as transgender identities are fully real and need to be addressed as completely as possible for an authentic life, so too are sexual and romantic identities and some spouses can go along on the journey and are more fluid in their sexuality/romantic attachment needs than others and some can't and those needs for the spouses to live authentic lives matter also.  The process of how it all works out with either type is not as clean and simple as we would like(and I really wish sorting it out had been simple, it took years to sort things out for us and in some ways we're still dealing with it all but it lessens every year), it's a process of self-discovery and reflection for her as much as it's been for you. 

The only advice I can give you is talk openly to her, listen as openly as you can to what she says, and work on your choices for the future together.  It's the hardest thing to do, I know.  Consider not mentioning the hints of not lasting long without her to her to give her the room to sort out what she wants out of life and ask for the same room to sort out what you want out of life, I've been on the end of that part from first husband, including three actual suicide attempts and it just made things worse trying to work it all out, but DO talk to a therapist or a trusted freind/relative group and believe that no matter how this works out there WILL be life ahead, with joys and struggles, surprises and plans, and all the things that make life awesome whether you stay together or go your own ways.  There will always be things for you in this world, and while it's scary facing a potential huge change like that, those things are still in your future so don't give up!  

My best wishes to you both.  

Seeing who you are first and finding yourself is the best thing you can do,  relationships just work so much better when we sort that out, and let life happen.  You never know who you'll cross paths with, just be open!   

It's a good roadmap to start formulating my plan! Thank you so much Monica, I'm really thrown by all this.  

I wish you the best of luck wtih all of it, and  hope that it all works out!   I'm about to go kill as many pixelated creatures as possible for that same destressing reason.  IF this house sells soon, we're installing a hot tub for Nikki's back.  I think Nikki is harboring some hope a hot soak after all the crazy will chill me out, but until then, I'm going to save Skyrim.  Again.  LOL

14 hours ago, ScottishDeeDee said:

Briannah, thank you for your input.  My son is a very good judge of character, so I am not going to push him to like the new man in his mums life, but he is being brought up to be respectful and until he is older he knows that he is not the boss, adults are. 

With his ASD some people can find him challenging, especially as he likes to control his environment - he chose to live with me because it is a quieter and more stable household and he gets more gaming time. His sister stays with her mum, she is also on the Autistic spectrum but loves all the social things that her mum does. Both children have been told they can choose to go and live with the other parent at any point if they want to, but they will still do holidays and visits until they get to 16 and can decide for themselves.

Can't beat gaming time!   My nephew is on the spectrum, and I understand what you mean about controlling his environment.  Stability means so much!  And that is true for all of us, spectrum or no.  I'm glad everyone seems comfortable in their situations!

Take this with a grain of salt as you obviously know your family situation better, but as a child of divorced and remarried parents, the thing I most wanted was to be able to feel and express my feelings and conflicts with the stepmom without the pressure to get along.  This is completely me projecting my own experience and read this comment with that bias in mind.    It just felt a lot of the time like...my feelings about things, especially conflicts, didnt' matter and I was being trained to always view myself as I didn't matter as long as everyone else was happy. Perhaps let him talk about his feelings on the new person in his life, even if they're negative, and perhaps reinforcing the idea of 'you don't have to like him, but you do have to be civil to him as a human being' tone with suggestions on how to behave respectfully in teh contexts of the clashes he spoke of?  I know a person know who is divorced and the new person is really problematic, so much so that the children moved in with the non-custodial parent to escape the new live-in so.  Sometimes those clashes aren't just resentment of change, but a warning sign.  

Just my thoughts, feel free to ignore them if they don't apply!

It was not surprisingly a good time, despite a small kitchen disaster in which I had forgotten to actually turn ON the dishwasher the day before and had to quick order baked meatballs delivery instead of my homemade chicken parm cuz my pans were still in there.  LOL  

So now I'm scrolling around the internet looking for trans-friendly hangouts in Dayton, Oh so Nikki can go have fun out.   They are astonishingly hard to find.  Everything is listed as either a gay or lesbian bar, and Nikki says you can't tell if they are trans friendly or not.  *bangs head on desk*

Good luck Peanut!   

Love that big smile on your face, and Peanut is gorgeous!

Sadly the anger and bullying are off the charts on everything.  It's like there has been some giant license to rage has been issued and everyone lost their minds.  I'm afraid for a lot of people I know for a variety of reasons, I don't think anyone is 'safe' anymore.  Be careful and be alert!

Thank you!  Getting here was the easy part, finding myself living in a cardboard maze and trying to dig a home out of it was crazy.  WE're nearly there now though, and Nikki's been happy that he's free to be him or her as the mood strikes again.   As for me, I'm pretty happy here.  I love all the space in the new place, and the city has been great.  I'll be happier when I stop getting lost in the diabolical maze of one way streets.  The city planner here was clearly a sadist.  LOL

Well, we had mixed results.  He can charge it now, but it's awkward and jerry-rigged and not really 'fixed'.  So half success half time to start considering what replacement phone is best going forward.  I need too also, Nikki washed my phone last winter.  In the washing machine, and murdered it.  SO we got a refurbished iphone 6 which is supposed to be a step up from my iphoneSE, but I hate it.  We can worry about that after moving though. : )  

Have you tried all the channels available on your phone?  I know when I lived in an area wehre landlines were more common it could be hard to find a channel that some neighbors use didn't interfere with mine when we were on them at the same time.  

Still waiting.  Supposedly we're going to get more information tomorrow.  One can dream.

Aww that does suck, but you absolutely made the right choice. : )  We all give serious side-eye to those people who bring the germs!  LOL  We're recently back from our summer outing and one of the women had a bad case of pink eye and basically spent the whole time hiding in a corner, I felt so bad for her.  But I admit I did keep a germ-safe zone away.  I'm a bad friend sometimes! LOL  I admit my fear of eye drops made me careful about that buffer zone.  Eye drops are just horrifying to me.  So is eyeliner, I once ran around a table away from my stepmom like some kinda crazy sitcom becuase she was so NOT coming hear my eyes with a freakin' pencil, even if it was mean to be used around the eyes.  

On the way home from work we drove into what must have been the aftermath of a pretty good storm, and there was a GIANT rainbow, we both enjoyed it immensely. Made getting home from work extremely late again worth it!  

Speaking of ailments, we're trying to find time to get Nikki to the doctor(well, I am, but as usual Nikki's putting it off), broken out in a lovely rash that looks suspiciously like the excema I deal with, but it's behavior is different and despite Nikki wanting me to, I'm so NOT an armchair diagnostician and said 'get thee to a doctor who went to school for this stuff!'.  Not the desired response, but it's the best Nikki's getting.  Rashes are the most common sympton in the world, it could be anything from an allergy or a plant to a stress condition.  And I have an inherent dislike of home diagnosis vs. professional ones.  That emotional response and internal push to seek medical attention has saved both mine and Nikki's life over the years, so I'm sticking with it. 

I'm so close to the weekend!  WHEE!

I'm sorry I'm MIA so much, my life has been crazy with the hectic.  I wish cloning was a thing at this point.  But right now I'm sorta hiding from the world, Saturday night our much loved and very spoiled bearded dragon passed away quietly in her cage.  :(  So I have plenty of time to linger on line as I just don't want to go out and run errands right now.  And in my favor in the desire to sit here and mope for a bit I think I've done everything I need to do to at this point and have FINALLY reached the point of just quietly waiting for the bank people to finish whatever it is they do and announce a closing date to start moving.  So I'll take the lull when I can get it!

I hope things work out the way you want with your new friend!  :)  *throws lucky turtle sparkles at you*  

Nikki has been lovely dealing with me slowly unraveling.  On paper abandoning house to get the work done and it on the market with immediate possession as an option was a great idea, and that part worked out beautifully.  However, I basically moved back into my childhood, which you may remember didn't work out so well for me the first time.  It hasn't gone any better this go around.  But things are better nowt hat I'm working full time and hardly here.  And hopefully the staff changes at work will increase our ability to get out on time in the future.  Nikki's getting a small team. : )  So I'm putting myself back together and just quietly counting days until I'm outta here.  I'm sure Nikki is really excited to move, as he's not out to his family at all so no female time here.  

Hi Monica!  I have been settling back into the work force, and it's going reasonably well other than an insane amount of overtime.  Going back to work has been good for my marriage since I see Nikki most in the car going there or back or at work!  LOL  And it's been completely different from my last company, no one here calls me stupid or blames me for everything and they actually seem to be pretty happy I'm there (and I've achieved things! LOL).  But it doesn't leave so much time for a personal life. 

We still own the house, but are buying a new one closer to work anyway.  We ran the math and can afford it, and the hour commute each way is LONG.  So now we're in that weird we did everything we can and just have to wait for the final pieces and mortgage underwriters to finish up to close and actually get on with the moving.  

Dash diet is going well, and I'm really doing MUCH better.  I know people were getting worried about me last fall, but it appears to have been mostly hypertension related. And removing the salt from the diet, my body is WORKING again.  I still have the occasional bad day if I ear wrong, but mostly I feel great and am able to do more and more. I have nearly 7000 steps today on the fitbit, and while my legs are unhappy, I didnt' have to sit much and I kept up with the group.  Nikki and I have relearned to eat as well as cook, and it's sort of an adventure!  

What have you been up to? 

Happy belated birthday, and I hope it was as lovely as you are.   

As for society at large, make them give way!  Dont' let them put you under any feet!  There is one benefit we tend to forget as we age, along with all the changes you outlined, comes knowledge and the realization that we don't have to care anymore and can be who we want to be.  I'm working again, but my hair is still blue and they can like it for example, where I spent most of my youth too scared to do things I wanted that were outside the norm.  There is still much to revel in my friend, and I wish you joy exploring and find it all!