Jessicatoyou

Yep, that Raven has landed on my shoulder, too.  Never, ever let anyone in my inner circle and now after 64 years have just begun....a little bit at a time.  I think my wife's death spurred my change in thought, but still keep myself quite guarded.  I can say, though, since, I'm learning much about what I've missed in life and slowly but surely am seeing things I never thought could exist in human beings and quite frankly it's a joy and a challenge to be part of bringing those things out in both myself and others! How do I process it?  Slowly but surely.  There are still some disappointments, but the satisfactions far outweigh them.

Funny thing I overlooked!  2 weeks ago, I headed down to Florida with a U-Haul and my car in tow to close on a house there.  Purged all my "boy clothes" except for the set I was wearing for my trip down.  After the closing, the day after I arrived, I started unpacking and have lived authentically since, setting everything up that I needed to do.  Last Tuesday, headed back to NY with a planned 4 day "pitstop" at the Keystone Transgender Conference in Pennsylvania on my way.  Just got back to NY and have several things to attend to before I head back down, some of which will require boy mode presentation.  UGH!!!!!!!!!!. Forgot to bring my set of boy clothes, including my shoes! HAHA.  Well gonna have to go to Walmart sometime today and buy a new set. 😜  Before I head to Florida again, I'll be sure to leave them here.

Hey girls, you're scaring me!! LOL.  As long as I can remember, my nipples always erect easily and often and become aroused, in fact it was always my preferred foreplay and self gratification even over genital foreplay. I try not to think too much of what will happen on HRT; just hope I'm pleasantly surprised! 😲

Hi Dee,  It was a BIG step for me starting laser.  I started 5 weeks ago with my first treatment. Had my second last week..  She uses a "Light Sheer Diode Laser and Vectus Laser,  wavelength 810.  My biggest problem (and fear) in going out,  was my shadow and how quickly it would return after shaving, but that was quickly eliminated with my first treatment.  After laser for me,  one day of (sunburn feeling), a couple of days clumps of dark hair would force their way out through my pores, and from the 3rd day after to a week, my skin broke out somewhat. Which I didn't expect, because I never had acne or pimple problems).  I cleaned my face often using a defoliating cleanser and kept it moisturized with an oil free moisturizer.  Within a week everything was back to normal, except no dark hairs!😍  Shaving was so much easier.  I also started electrolysis a week after my first laser treatment, because most if the hair on my lower chin and neck was light hair, (probably an age thing?)  Have had about 10 hours so far and the results are definitely noticeable, but will need many, many more.  As far as pain,  neither were much of an issue for me, ( the first laser treatment bit me quite a lot right below my nose and around my lips, though!).  The second was easier.  Witch hazel is a good and in-expensive remedy which my electrologist let me in on.  Yes, the cost is hard to swallow, but if it's any consolation, the amount of make-up I need has reduced to almost nothing!  You are going to love the feeling, not just the physical feeling, but the psychological one too!🙋‍♀️  Jess

I went to my first support group session tonight.  The group. meets once a month and is moderated by my therapist.  Approximately 15 people attended and was highly relevant to the issues I'm most concerned with and many other issues important to the others.  All were MTF, and some were post surgery. Met several girls with very similar backgrounds as myself and made a few friends that I look forward to getting to know better, too.  I think on all accounts, for myself and the others it was very productive and informative.  I am looking forward to the next one.☺️

🙏

On 3/1/2019 at 5:06 PM, Jessicatoyou said:

but shorts fit me terribly, have not found a pair that even comes close to either a good fit or a good look👀. My butt and hips are way to small and my upper thighs to skinny. That's gonna have to be my mission, though come spring, to find some good summer shorts!   Jess

Shopping yesterday, finally found a pair of shorts that I like, fit well and I think look good on me! Also bought a light, loose, summer wrap around skirt and top to match. Guess nothing is impossible. 😲   Gosh, I yearn for some warmer weather!! 

Hmmm.  Christy....Zen garden???  I'm pretty sure I'll have the perfect setting for that!😎

Thanks for the idea! Jess

Dee, the nails look 1000% better after 10 days.  Don't have a clue if it's the Sally Hanson stuff, or just me taking care of them, but either way I'll take it😍  You're going to love the hair removal.  Had one laser so far and it worked great for removing the dark hairs.  Bites a little around the lip and nose area, but bearable.  For a couple of days afterward felt like I had a mild sunburn and small clumps continued to come loose from my pores.  Also my skin broke out some for a week, but not real seriously.  I washed often with a defoliating cleanser and moisturized often Neutrogena oil free moisture (SPF 15).  Be sure you use one with sunscreen, you're supposed to stay out of the sun. The black shadow has all but been eliminated, now,  my skin as back to being smooth, and I'm going back next week for my second treatment.  I have a total of 6 treatments spaced a month apart.  The light hairs will still grow quickly and I've had about 8 hours of electrolysis for that so far.  A little tedious, but really seeing and feeling the results now.  I don't mind because I love my electrologist and we both look forward to seeing each other!  I learned a lot from Christy and Emma before and it sure is enjoyable for me to now relate my experience to someone else.  Good Luck!🙋‍♀️

Great to hear you both (all three of us) had an enjoyable night😎  My nails are my current side project.  I found that the fake ones beat the heck out of my real nails, the glue, taking them off, drying them out, etc., and decided I didn't really like the look that much anyway, and took too much time, so about a week ago I started my own nail rehab!  Instant cuticle remover, to rehab my cuticles,  Nail Rehab X which coats my nails to strengthen and nourish them, and Maximum Growth, a clear coating which hardens them to prevent them from breaking. All made by "Sally Hansen".  I can already see the difference and some growth and last night was able to trim, file, buff, and recoated them. I do them every day and I keep it on 24/7,  🙋‍♀️  Hey, maybe Monday, a professional manicure?  Maybe Sephora visit, too?  This new girl's just gonna have fun!

Jess

Hi Dee;  the same for me last night, "not passable, just comfortable☺️  10:30 am electrologist session this morning, so tons of stubble always puts a damper on being passable! There is a lot to say about "being comfortable!"  Always the first thing I do when I'm home from work.  Cold weather here necessitates an overcoat when out, so I always go out in my girl undergarments and forms under my boy clothes when in boy mode.  Then when home I shed the boy clothes and don my wig, a comfortable top and bottom,  my favorite pair of flats and I'm good to go🙋‍♀️., till I get called in again.  (only working part-time on call weekdays).  Usually a quick touch of eyeliner and mascara, too.  For easy removal, try olive oil with cotton balls and q -tips.  It's quick and thorough.  Well, after my appointment today, back to Jess, out , comfortable AND passable through Monday! Yeah💇‍♀️😍  Have to grocery shop, want to walk the mall again, Macy's, Boscov's,  (not to buy, although very hard for us girls not to lol) probably a lunch or dinner and maybe make another friend or two? )☺️

Dee, I didn't know whether to react with a like or a Haha; wanted to do both!💜😁   Gosh, I like your sense of humor and your outlook; don't ever loose it!  But, the outfit in your photo does lookgreat on you and very comfortable, too.  I too, prefer skirts or dresses over jeans mostly for the feminine feel, but I have been going out more lately in jeans and slacks because of this frigid cold (avg. temp for 2 months now has been single digits!😝)  I'm getting used to them and starting to like them more, but shorts fit me terribly, have not found a pair that even comes close to either a good fit or a good look👀. My butt and hips are way to small and my upper thighs to skinny. That's gonna have to be my mission, though come spring, to find some good summer shorts!   Jess

Monica, YES, I used that too before☺️.  Was what my wife used and did leave a white streak.  Now I use Secret Paris Rose.  Mild pleasant scent and no streaks!🙋‍♀️

Dee.  Thanks for that...I really enjoyed Purl😊. Put a real smile on my face.  Always thought guys were kind of shallow too; probably why I never hung around them.  But Purl conquered them from within, and before they had a clue they all worked together.  How dumb I am, though, I missed the joke so I'm gonna have to watch it again! Haha

Christy, no I don't like the smell either, actually never have!  Have been only using a female scented deodorant for quite a while now, and at Sephora bought a mild perfume pen called "Woman Ralph Lauren".💇‍♀️  Not overpowering at all, I love the smell and everyone else must too because no one appears to notice even when I have to  go out as "the guy that smells nice.  "LOL  

Hi Dee.  I, too am so very happy for you.  I can feel the excitement you must feel. 😊  It always helps to keep a lot of irons in the fire with future appointments. My advice, schedule them, a lot may change before October. If not you can always reschedule.  When I can't get an appointment as quickly as I would like, I make sure I'm on the call list for appointments that have been cancelled, and there are probably more of those, than the ones that are kept.  Learn first names and try to get to know them on a first name basis and them yours, too. Call back every few weeks and say you have an appointment but just checking if any cancellations came in that you might be able to fill.  Before you know it, you'll be in.🙏                       

Good luck, Jess

My therapist signed off on HRT letter tonight😍🙋‍♀️❤️😲😊!  I will be changing my primary care doctor to a transgender specialist tomorrow and scheduling my first appointment. Only my fourth session and would have done it sooner, but she had to complete all the assessment and paperwork required.😎

Thank you so much Dee and Emma for the awakening:; Will be working on my list, too, but will take a while; so many things were suppressed.

Jess

Yes, :"We've all known each other all our lives, just never met each other."  So many similarities go on and on.

First electrolysis session tonight!  Well, had my first laser session last Monday and tonight my electrolysis for beard and neck hair.  Christina, of Saratoga Electrolysis, worth mentioning because she was so sweet and welcoming to me!😘  I felt so out of my skin having to present as male due to the need for facial stubble, but she was so kind and really tried to make me feel comfortable, which I eventually was.  Was an hour session which she added another 15 min au gratis.  We booked 2 more sessions for late next week when I return from my trip.  Can already tell I'm gonna have another friend🙋‍♀️.  

Believe me it'll be the best you ever had...I know! ☺️

I do hope you get the opportunity to get out on your own many more times.  That feeling of nervousness, fear and anxiety will quickly be replaced with peace, comfort and serenity.  Before you know it you'll be driving 2 1/2 hours for that simple cup of coffee!  😊

Hi Dee.

Gosh I know that feeling so well;  just reading about you made me smile. 😊  By the way, you look fantastic, too. You have nothing to worry about or be fearful of. I adore your coat!

Jess

Thanks, Emma.  YOU have a good time tonight! Just be Emma.  Everything else will fall into place😊  Jessica

Ditto

Well, the pace is continuing and seems to be just falling into my lap since I have shed any fears (no, that is the wrong word)...reservations,  about getting out there.  I went to the same church this past Sunday that I found 2 weeks ago.  They all were so happy to see me; and I was happy to see them.  Stayed again an hour after for coffee fellowship and had some real good conversations with more people, much less inhibited and guarded in divulging who I was, where I came from and where I'm going.  So nice to be who you are and not put on a façade.  Ran into Amy, talked to her at length.  She is an absolutely beautiful person; very soft-spoken.  I noticed her skin, hair, facial features, her manner, her speech, her hair, her hands, and you just know she has worked on it and succeeded in portraying how she feels.  Anyway, just so has it, this Friday is the regional annual LGBTQ dinner; Amy told me about it, and I booked my reservation and am going. 

Yesterday, I had my first of 6 face and neck hair laser treatments, (every 4 weeks) for my beard and neck. Did a pretty good job, I think. You could feel it but not too bad overall. Had to grit my teeth a little doing above my lip and under my nose.  Afterwards felt sunburned for about 5 hours.  Got the moisturizers she suggested and have been using them often since. Haven't shaven since then and don't seem to be any black hairs or shadow a day later. Normally it would be real heavy by now, black stubble everywhere. There are a few dark hairs, but she explained they where "zapped" and would work their way out of my pores.  There where quite a few last night, but hardly any now. The only thing left are the light hairs which I think was probably 20 % of my beard growth.  So I called my electrologist and she's going do a full hour treatment next week, instead of just an "introduction".  

Therapist today had to cancel for tonight; another snowstorm expecting 15 inches and already coming down heavy. Was looking forward to it; I'm really getting to like her.  She's pretty sharp. Let me in on a regional insurance company that they've worked with that covers just about everything, even cosmetic procedures.  Mine covers next to nothing. I just successfully signed up tp switch effective March 1, so the pace is sure to pick up soon after that. 😃

Jessica