Jessicatoyou

Please keep the faith, in yourself, and I know you'll work through it. 

Wow, that disheartens me greatly.  Monica please know and remember! You do not need others to validate you. Yah, seniors can be the worst!  Some are set in their ways and have closed their minds....you have not, don't start now.  I would have loved to have known you long ago before now and am thankful to have met you here, and hope to share much more in the future.😂.  You've always been a good friend to me and everyone else here, and I'll always be a good friend to you❤️.

Jessica

MY first choice would have been the keys, but out of my reach and too soon for me to go to heaven!😊

Yeah, know I have to get down there and spend some time looking.😎.  Don't like what I'm seeing out my window right now...inch of snow! ugh!😫

This weekend?  Wish I could and WOULD without a heartbeat;  but I'm on the last leg of the marathon with my business.  I'm about 4 hours from Boston. Have family in Florida, though, and I am going to try to get down there for a week between now and the conference.  Will let you know if that happens.  I want to eventually settle where it's a lot warmer! 😍. I've been eying the Gulf Coast pretty seriously.  I also love St Augustine. I tend to think your wife would be very comfortable around me, but better to let her keep it on her own pace. I have soooo much to look forward to!❤️  Am already a few years younger than I used to be! Thank you, Christa Kerry😉

Loving it, Jessica grasshopper

Now, I'm really, really excited about the conference....that would be awesome!😃.  It's called First Event, January 30 - February 3.  Website is Firstevent.org. I booked at the hotel for the whole conference  and will arrive the 29th and leave the 4th, so any days you could swing it would be great.  I know the area really well, and could pick you up at Logan Airport if you needed.  Bring a friend, maybe your wife???  The seacoast there is magnificent just an hour north of Boston,  kinda like the ZION of seacoasts, if you know what I mean.  I spent time every summer there the last 35 years of my life dreaming of transitioning.  I'm a little older, but still a blast!😂.  Would love to take you on a tour. That is a nice thought to start out this week!  Don't worry too much about winter clothes, you can try some of mine, haha.  

Jess😍

Thank you Emma; you're a good friend!

Ahhh,  what a feeling it must have been!  Halloween was my first experience being feminine back when I was about ten years old and it has never left me through my next 55 years!  I honestly can't think of any childhood (or adulthood experience) that beats it!!!!  I hope you have many more opportunities to continue.  I certainly am looking forward to fully transition as I've always known that's who I am.

Jessica 

I don't know, I think you're day was mostly good, only a little bad. 👍  You were right there for your son. a good experience for you and him...he will never forget it. It's been obvious you love him dearly, as I love mine. You met others with similar feelings as yourself. I think you are leaping in the right direction; try not to fight it but open up to it. ❤️

Jessica

Welcome to your Community💜.  Okay, let's talk weight ???  How I looked at myself and felt about myself for many, many years. I, too, as you called yourself, am a "mature gurl", and have for many, many years looked in that mirror.  DEPRESSING!😥.  Said to myself no way, transition will never happen!  About 2 years ago I decided it would!  Totally took on a "mental commitment".  Am 5'9", was 215lbs, and had a huge gut. 42 " waist, xxl shirts. 40" pants, little tight. Felt stuffed in a dress size 20, 42 bra, too.  Checked out what I was eating, and cut sugar, (in my 2 pots of coffee a day), cut alcohol, changed to diet beverages and water, loved pizza every day, but cut it out, more on that, but don't miss it anymore, cut my dinner portions first 10%, then 20%, then 40%, then 60%. Tried to "de-expand" my stomach cravings by eating something light late morning (toast, no butter) couple of pieces of fruit, you get the gist.  Have one main meal per day all the essentials, but WATCH MY PORTIONS! Started light exercise, couldn't do one sit-up at first and for a while, but still went through the motions.  Many other exercises too, you can figure them out. Weighed myself daily!!!!!!!!! Little by little, 5lbs at a time, dress size decreasing continuously, it rewarded my ambitions as I looked into that mirror. Now size 14 dress, may go to 12 soon, 10 pants, waist 32, size 12 skirt, blouse lg., 36 bra, 6(med panty).  Weight 155. Never thought I could do that, it just happened!  Goal is another 5 lbs., maybe 10.  Was important to me to look good size-wise in femininity, it doesn't have to be for everyone, though. My butt is still small but HRT will help that.  But don't even have to hold my gut in in a dress anymore! Only downside is having to update my wardrobe...too expensive!😍

The point is do the "mental commitment" and the rest can follow. Takes a little time, but well worth it. If you fail at times, keep trying.  When I look in that mirror now I think "I'm beginning to look like "quite a catch" Haha😏.  Best wishes. Jessica

I am very, very happy for you!  😃Doubly!  Going slow, one thing at a time works.  There is no rush there, that I know, or at least I think so.  

Yeah, heard the same news which is very disheartening.  I saw the same thing in the 70's to 90's with trying to write out gays and lesbians; didn't work there and it won't work with transgenders, either.  BUT...we have to speak up and out! I have no idea what the "true " numbers are of transgenders and those exploring their gender identity, but I believe it is significant. I've already penned a letter to my congresswoman, a Republican, whom I know well.  She will think about what I said, and it will perhaps give her some perspective on the issue. I think she all ready knows, but may help to sway the "agenda" on this issue.  I have also written President Trump and Melania separately. I won't leave the US; still the best country I know of; but I will fight for my rights and the rights of all that make us what we are. Stay and help make us a Trans Welcoming Country.  No government is ever going to write who I am out of existence, that's for sure!

Hope you're doing well😊, Would like to hear from you again.

Jessica

Haha, okay this is gonna be a stretch, but.... I went back to my dentist again last Wednesday.  Remember I brought up meeting another "Jess" in my blog What's in a name?  Well, 2 root canals and crowns was the order of the day and Jess was assisting again.  No pain at all, again had a great time, and they probably think it was the Novocain that was the reason.  I'm sure it helped, but I think my attitude was the predominant factor here.  Next appointment was to be 2 weeks from now (I have 4 appt's set up for November already) and I told them if they get any cancellations to call me and I'll be there within a 30 minute notice. I need a lot of work done and want to be done with it this year.  I've neglected it too long. Got a call Friday to come in Monday at 7:30 am.👍  Working more on my smile!😍. I now have a reason to smile.😃!   Down the road sometime, when the time is right, they'll know just how much they meant to me.

Jess

Christy and Emma.  Yes the Joy...radiates.  I noticed this the moment I joined the community and it hasn't wavered a bit since, when I'm out and about in my daily life. Some "phenomenon" at work there, maybe the feeling of shedding a long held inhibition, knowing that I'm headed in a good path or something like that.  I do believe it shows in one's face, attitude, and how we engage with others, and it is contagious to those we encounter.  Maybe goes into the "feeling of little girl" or "adolescence" when we start out. Whatever, the ride I'm on sure feels great.!😊 

Thank you, Emma.  No, "you can't foresee everything".Well said. ❤️

Ah, Yes, there is sooo much to think of.  Not even just the immediate or short term, or even the closer long term.  But what about 10, 15, 20, 30 years from now, or longer? How exactly will you conduct your life?  How do you expect to?  What other new relationships will one have and what will they be like? Will you be able to earn, or maintain a living? I think many people have a false idea that hey could be happy  just to "withdraw" living the remainder of their life transitioned, but I tend to think that would be a recipe for disaster.  Of course one cannot foresee everything, but a careful and thorough self-examination of the effects and what they mean to the individual and those in their circle coupled with a lot of research surely helps to make the right choice for the individual.

Jessica

You are all correct.  I'm learning!❤️

Yeah, back then they didn't know the gender before birth, so you had to have an alternate plan for a name. I have an older sister, 4 years, an older brother, 3 years.  Wonder if I was supposed to be a girl, too. Haha. ☺️  Better late than never!  

You might want to think about slowingggggg down.  You have many things on your plate and they don't need to be solved and understood at the same time.  They can't be. Throughout my life when things got real tough, and they often do, I realized I couldn't fix everything at the same time, so I tried to break it down and address the most important first. Sometimes it would take a long time to come up with a solution, but I found it would work.  Then I would address the next, and the next, and things seemed to snowball in my favor, until all my baggage was gone.  Be true to your therapist and develop a plan for one thing at a time.  Love.

6 hours ago, Mikaylajane79 said:

I have been reffered to a therapist My ins sucks so I don't have many options for them. Anyway I am supposed to here from them in a day or two. I hope that therapy will help me. I have a lot of issues not just my Dysphoria that I need to deal with. My Dysphoria is a very big one. But also the fact that I was shamed as a child for being me. Which leads to me shaming myself. Also the fact that the biggest supporter of me in my life was my older Brother who was taken from me tragically on Oct 12th 2016 in a motorcycle accident on the highway. And the fact that my ex totally mentally abused me for years. I also have been thinking of going to a support group for trans and non binary individuals it is held on the 14th Sunday of the month. So hopefully my ex can take out boy for a few hours so I can go. She said she is supportive of me but Idk I have heard that one before. Anyways I am hoping to feel better with myself because I need to be there for my son. And he is my number one goal in life to raise him to be accepting and caring. I see so much of myself in him. He is a caring sweet little boy. I also see at times his mother coming out and him being very hurtful at times and I know he is 4 but I want To stop that cycle now while I can hopefully. He is I think just torn to a point and doesn't know how to deal with his emotions because he is 4 he is very smart for his age almost too smart at times for his own good. I'm hoping that something will help and give me peace. Also I just said screw it and posted a transgender awareness video to my Facebook account. Hoping to maybe that will shed some light on things to my family and friends. My sister had posted a very hurtful message to me on a comment I made in my sister in-laws post so I blocked her. She is too hurtful to me. She  has been since I was about 12. I have as little contact with her as possible taking steps to become the person I need to be and trying to be happy. It is challenging to say the least.

On ‎9‎/‎17‎/‎2018 at 7:26 PM, Christy said:

I agree many people are afraid of transgender people. It must be difficult for you. For me personally I just tone down my appearance to where I’m androgynous ish. I also go in boy mode still for work and other things. I actually like the androgynous look because it’s fun, people just don’t know what to make of me. I dress appropriately for the situation as best I can. This  mitigates the back lash out in public. I also stay confident in myself and that is really important. 

Yes, I believe confidence in yourself is very critical!  We need to remember we are not out to prove anything to anyone else.  We need to feel good in our own skin and our own mind, and that's what our dilemma in life has been, to do just that.💜

Ha!  My wife tells me that once a month I come out with a really good funny; to the point when it's getting to the end of the month, she reminds me she's waiting!

Emma, you are in my thoughts, too.  My best!

Yes, I also think it's important to recognize the limitations we have and the things we can't and don't control, and keep peace within our own minds, first and foremost. 

Emma, I love the reflection!  I think it makes us realize and accept who we are. As we accept who we are we can accept who others are even if it helps them to put a label out there.  I am simply, whatever you want to call it, a person who was born a biological male, fit into that role and did ok in it, but always felt, pondered, and acted out as a female for over 50 years and now I want to move on and find out what I missed.  I don't know what the label is, I don't care what the label is, nor do I care what others think the label should be.  Have a feeling there is going to be more comments and perspectives on your blog   Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, maybe, but conversation for thought is good.  More to come..☺️❤️