Jessicatoyou

Wish you all could have been there with me; actually in my mindset you all were! Thanks😘

You just made my day, Monica!!!  I'm in the planning stage of making a pit stop at Keystone on my way to a trip to Florida. ☺️, Hope I can pull it off.

Jessica

Thanks, doesn't bother me at all, too.  Funny both Linda and my therapist asked me if it my hair was my natural😎  And, while I was waiting in line to cash out  a woman in JC Penny in Boston said she loved my highlights.  Also, the plus side, is I can just take it off to just detangle and brush!  ☺️

Your friend, Jessica 

Haha , good news today down to 1 1/2 hours to get ready  Will be able to cut it to an hour after laser is done next week😍

Christy thanks!😊  Nothing serious with my self  prognosis of depression, though. lol.  Excellent advice "embrace life as it comes."  Yeah I know the "guy" is a part of Jess.  Kinda gives me an advantage when meeting others, both males and females, too😎. Well this guy's gotta get back to work in guy mode now (still partially Jess wearing my breast forms and panties under my boy clothes  HaHa💇‍♀️.

Well last weekend I had some plans that were sidelined by the Snowstorm.   This weekend was open for me from Friday when I got home from work around noon, until tomorrow morning when I work again.  Haha, was supposed to have retired, but helping out a business friend Mon-Fri, mornings, about 25-30 hours a week. Gives me some extra spending money and some much needed activity. So, this weekend I'm  entirely living my life as Jess!💇‍♀️   Friday was rather uneventful, just real comfortable and relaxing.  Saturday, some housework and got out for about 5 hours, ran some errands, window shopped, and to the store for some minor staples.  The cashier commented that she loved my ring.  Asked if was a real opal.  I managed to feminize my voice ( slightly) and told her thank you, no it is just an inexpensive costume ring. That made me feel really good!  It is a  large very pretty ring that I wear  on my right index finger.  Only other ring I wear is my wedding band and diamond on my left hand.  I don't care for wearing a lot of rings. Then I visited my best friend ever,  (I visit her daily and tell her what's going in my life) 👼.  She doesn't say much, but I know she's on board with me because some really awesome things have been happening to me lately😊. 

So last week I missed going to Church due to the snowstorm.  Found a Unitarian Universalist Congregational Church a half hour from me in the same City that I've been window shopping in as Jess,  What caught my eye is that they are an "LGBTQ welcoming congregation".  So this morning got ready and went to Church! 🙏  Which is something because I haven't gone in over ten years despite being very active in the church I went to that many years ago.

I figured it would probably be somewhat casual but I wore a modest black ribbed loosely fitting V-neck sheath dress, anyway.  That is one of my favorite dresses; I feel totally natural in it., fits well and looks my age and style.  My first time in a new church, too, out of respect,   2 inch heels, thigh high stockings (to make it easier to use the ladies room if I needed.)  My coat, a wool blend long dress overcoat  ( it is still frigid up here).  I was the last one to enter right before service started and was seated next to a woman in her 50's?, maybe?  She was super friendly throughout, we introduced ourselves, shared her hymnal with me, and chatted idly to help me to be comfortable.  And I was very, very comfortable, too.  

The service was decent, not a whole lot about God, if anything, but mostly about community and everyone being one, total acceptance and inclusion.  A lot about MLK, too.  I would guess about 150 in the congregation, all ages, all socio-economic statuses.  Dress was mostly casual, but I was not over dressed which I was happy about.  The most significant thing about my experience, and I just can't get over it right now, was how nice it felt to be myself and around others, and talk to others, and be in fellowship with others "as Jess", people from all walks of life.  I think it has to do with getting rid of the idea of "presenting female", and just being "Jess:  it's like an epiphany for me!

Okay and here is the best part. When the service ends we 're clearing the chairs for fellowship coffee ( I was gonna stay: I really WAS comfortable) and  Amy introduces herself to me and asks if I would like to stay for coffee.  Duh yeah!!!   Amy is transitioning,, 30 something?, well into HRT, I think by her physical features.  Anyway we talked for well over a half hour; she introduced me to about a dozen people.  She is/was on the governing board of the church, and they have a support group that meets once a month.

Jess being Jess 😍

My only advice...cherish her and the next 14-40 years will be even better beyond your wildest dreams.😍  You are both lucky for each other.

Yep, deep down have always been a funny girl.💇‍♀️ 🤣.  Had everything ready but the Yukon!, no uggs, but a decent pair of boots.  Great idea; thanks!  Haven't run the fireplace in over a year.  Gas, not wood, but will keep me warm and in the same mood, and a little warmer.  -3 degrees out now!  Wind chill might hit -30😱

Hey Christy, thanks for the Kudos.😊  But no need to be envious, actually I'm as much envious of you, too!  LOL  Our situations are different and I think you're doing great with yours. I thought early on our paths to transition and our situations were different, but I always tended to think we'd arrive there together, and I still do think that. We both have a ways to go, and it makes me happy you're a part of mine and I yours.  No, not really passing with flying colors, just barely without "colors", if you know what I mean.  Just trying to keep a low profile, but getting super comfortable as Jess going out and about.  Will take a lot more practice, little steps at a time. Was still very nervous but not nearly how much I would have been before, or could have been without confidence.  Couldn't believe I actually kept talking!  I'm not gullible; that cashier probably sensed but was so gracious she didn't let on and if I was more comfortable, we would have liked to talk more.  See, there are a lot of good people out there.  Next time, I'll be even more confident and less afraid.  Gonna keep working on that; another thing to look forward to haha😍  

Yes! Florida. 😎  Wanted to get down again before First Event, but will have to wait until after, like quickly soon after.  Helping my son move into an apartment, so when that's done...Watch out World!  Will PM you when I know for sure.  Would love to attend one of your groups with you, too, if that's okay!

Jessica

Happy New Year!  What makes it new?  To me I recently spent some time reflecting on what has happened in 2018 and a lot of major things in my life have!  Several "life changing events", some foreseen and some unforeseen.   I believe I made it through them better than I was, at least slightly, so that makes me happy for 2018.  My wife recently  passed away from cancer, and have been crying more than I have my entire life....but focusing on the many, many, many good memories and times we had quickly brings me out of the sadness of life. She always had my back and I hers and will now need to watch my own back more. Next for me is re-evaluating and planning for 2019. I questioned very seriously whether or not I would move with transitioning and the good news is I didn't purge anything this year and in fact have added many really nice things to my wardrobe recently, which I just love.💜  I pondered whether I could just remain in the closet and live in public  as male. I really don't like that idea but it's not off the table yet.  2019 will resolve that issue for me. Some definite tasks for me to take on....First Event is a go👉.  Therapist is a go👉.  Facial Electrolysis is a go👉,  FFS is highly probable👀.  HRT is very likely, and hope to start within the month of February, if not sooner.  Financially, I just wish to spend a little less than I'm taking in and that's gonna take up a lot of my time and planning to accomplish,  All, in all, I am looking forward to the NEW YEAR.

Jessica 

You for me, me for you, and all of us for each other! ❤️

Found mine at Walmart,  "Kiss Everlasting French Nail Kit,  can get short or regular.  Look very real and natural, acrylic, can be stick on(easy to remove) or glue on (Soak for15 minutes to soften and remove)  Supposed to last a week or more I like without polish, really look natural and manicured and have 14 sizes to fit over most size nails.  Can get them short or regular.  I have the short ones and they cover my nails perfectly!.  They can be polished with any color, I assume.😊 about $5

Great!  Have had a set for several months myself, haven't tried them, yet, but spy them often!  Can be pressed on or acrylic glued, which is supposed to last longer and harder to remove.

Soon, though😘  Jess

I see yours and Michael's concern, but I've never been "fearful" of anyone, but have been fearful of myself...no more!.😎, especially those that are indeed fearful, of disappointing their base, of not getting re-elected, and they are on both sides of the political spectrum.  We really don't need to be validated by politics,  but change will come when our children say "Mom, it's no big deal. get over it"  We effect change and need not await for others.❤️

Jessica

Happy Holiday 'to you, too, Michelle.🎄 

My memories of being bullied are very vague and limited. I remember about age 4-6 a kid wanting to fight me and getting into a scuffle.  Didn't have a clue why, but the second time I lured him into my yard where he met the family German Shepard.  Never saw him again!  That is my only memory of being bullied.  My son in Junior High school became the target of bullying, because of his weight,  culminating when he faced it on the bus home one day.  For several days prior, I learned a bully was taunting him on the bus, knocking his glasses off, grabbing his backpack, sucker punching, etc.  My son was 6ft ; the bully 6-2.  I told him, sit up front; let the bus driver know; I offered to speak on his behalf but he would have nothing to do with that!  He said the bus driver sees it but does nothing.  So I told him warn him once; warn him twice; then pop him. (I told him where so as likely not to cause permanent damage)  The third day he did.  He got suspended for 2 days, the bully 3.  They wanted him to report to school and sit in a detention room for two days.  I advised the principal that I had no problem with the suspension, but he would stay home during that time and return to classes after.  AND I told the Pricipal during those two days I suggest he and the bus driver would develop a plan to deal with such issues, afterward.  He never had a problem again and the bully walked around school for the next 10 days with a mildly noticeable shiner.

I think the major issue with bullying has to do with self esteem on both the part of the victim and the aggressor.  The aggressor has a warped idea that bullying will remove their own issues of poor self esteem; so they seek out other people with poor self esteem to validate their homespun theory.  If their bullying is successful, it doesn't remove their own issue, however.

Now discussing the issue of self esteem from my own perspective, and preventing us being either of the players to bullying I feel it is highly relevant and important, that we address our self esteem issues by realizing the value of ourselves and while our current state of self esteem is determined by our past and experiences it is fluid and can be improved from today on.  Some may have already guessed I think I'm pretty high up on the self esteem chart; I don't really care what anyone thinks of me BUT I do care what I think of me!!  I love myself and the type of person I am, and for the most part always have and always will. I've never hated myself as a boy, just know I would love myself as a girl as much if not more! 

I began that I don't have many memories of being bullied and I think, but don't know, that subliminally, my interactions with others may convey that fact.  I am non threatening, yet will always stand my ground even if I retreat then return with my plan.  I have never bullied anyone I am sure.  You see If I love myself I can love all others, too.  And others will feel they can love me. That doesn't mean I can like all actions of others.

I also think this is very relevant to transitioning, too.  When I present female I don't expect to have many problems of being bullied.  I also don't think transitioning is an answer to solving low self-esteem.

Jess❤️

Thank you both Monica and Christy for bringing this issue to the community to discuss.  I think it is one of the foremost issues and obstacles on every transgender, gay, lesbian mind when coming to our own realizations of who we are.  And WE need to come to terms with it before others do and follow our lead. Much more later when I have the opportunity to. Any others? Would love to hear.  Jessica💜😊

Hello Becky, Thank you for checking this out!👍  I, too, last August 26 couldn't believe I would tell my story to complete strangers, yet in a short time I now consider them my closest friends. I truly hope we hear more from you, as we need to learn from each other and I'm sure you have a lot to offer❤️

Jessica 

I have very much enjoyed reading your blogs. On this, your 5th or 6th?, I have to comment on the 4 inch heels; got a pair about a year ago and love them, how they look and feel, but can only wear them sitting😄!!!  Walking will need a few more years of practice!  Have down sized to 2 inch, 1 inch and flats... much more comfortable, and natural walking😍.

Great!  I love to sew, too.  Rather I would love to learn how to sew😄, too.  Was always the "mender" in my house, split pants, buttons, minor alterations, etc.  Spent a lot of time researching dress patterns and inexpensive sewing machines before internet shopping really became popular. Go for it!👍  

Well said Emma, why I love your input.  Yes when you reach the senior years, you've often already given so much to everyone else and sacrificed your own mental health for it or not recognized it, I think sometimes. Hey you don't regret it, but comes a time when the realization hits you in the head, that it's time to do what I want, what makes me feel good, what makes me true to myself, and if or if not others can or will accept it or not? So what! Yes, the world can follow or not, but I'm happy and that is what counts. You look good and happy in your skin, MicheleLea, and hope you continue😊

Great thing to always feel young at heart; very important to like how you feel.😉

I know, I've had forty or fifty years to figure my style. But I'm way behind you in the one thing that counts! Maybe we'll catch up with each other at the same time. I never had as much before, that I purged, but one thing I'm sure of now is that these are keepers and the rest will follow🏆

Okay, jeans?...Love the sissyboys, but don't care for skinny jeans, my legs and thighs lost too much fat with my weight lose, and they really look skinny in skinny jeans. Still need butt and hip pads, can't wait till I won't!  Have several jeans, very comfortable in warmer weather, and just knocking around.  Have had too keep downsizing though; I won't buy more until I round out my body😉. Like to wear them with cotton camis, or sweaters or loose polos, and flats, sandals, or sneakers. Have several dress slacks, too, fit and look beautiful and go really well with Chelsea and Pintuck blouses, have about 10 of those, different styles and colors. Also skirts to the knee or an inch above or below. Mostly pencil skirts and some flare skirts. even a leather pencil skirt!😉  Don't have too many clothes with patterns, just some, but mostly like solid colors. Have three dress suits, like you would wear to a board meeting, which I just LOVE!❤️❣️. One red, one black, one grey.(and shoes to match)😍  As far as dresses, mostly the type you would wear to work in an office, but have a nice selection and some knock around day dresses.  A couple of flimsy and frilly ones which I like, but would never ever wear out!  Even have my gown for The First Event gala coming up!💜.Now, that is stunning!!!! Only tried it on once about 6 weeks ago when I first got it and scared the heck out of me...almost couldn't take it off. You'll have to go First Event to see it😍 Very simple, but elegant.

My boy clothes???? 3 pairs of pants, identical.  5 open collar pullover shirts, identical, white soxs, identical, haha😆

Better hurry, only two left!