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About UsernameOptional

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  • Birthday October 12

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  • Gender Male
  • Location US
  • Interests Hmmmm. Lemme think....

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UsernameOptional's Activity

  1. UsernameOptional added a comment on a blog entry: Need some Advice....   

    "Now that I understand you are paying rent, then she is your LANDLADY, and she is being very unprofessional."  -- Monica
    If this is actually an agreement - she asked for rent and named the amount, then the space in her house that is not considered common area is yours, and she cannot enter your space unannounced when you are not there unless there is an emergency.  Otherwise, any entry must be scheduled and you must be notified in advance.
    This means that if you attempt to "put your foot down" concerning her treatment of you, she can't just kick you out - she has to evict you, and that requires a thirty day notice.
    Don't wanna cause any stress between you and your boyfriend since that is his mother, but these are things to consider if it is indeed a landlord/tenant situation, no matter how "laid back" or informal it is.  In most places, as soon as money is handed over in exchange for living accomodations, it becomes a rental situation, and even if it's month-to-month, she can't just walk in tomorrow and tell you to pack your things and leave.  Therefore, as Monica indicated, work hard at finding a job first... then look for a place of your own.  It'll be tough...but just try to stay away from her.
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  2. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Changing Birth Certificates in CT Just Got Easier   

    Mitch Kellaway | June 30 2015 6:19 PM ET
    "As trans advocates cheered this "modernization," they also note that similar conclusions have been reached by legislators in at least seven other U.S. states — most recently, Hawaii — which have also eased surgical prerequisites for updating gender markers on birth certificates. Removing surgical barriers to obtaining accurate legal documentation has also become a worldwide issue, with parts of Canada as well as the nations of Turkey, Israel, and Taiwan recently relaxing surgery requirements for certain legal documents."  --
    Connecticut Makes Changing Birth Certificates Easier for Trans Folks
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  3. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Scouts Return $100K Donation   

    Mitch Kellaway | June 30 2015 6:00 AM ET
    ""$100,000 is a lot of money," the troop explained on their fundraising page. "In fact, it's almost a third of our entire financial assistance program for this year — and girls need this support now. That's why losing the gift is such a big deal." The money is intended to aid families who cannot afford to pay for Girl Scouts programming, which the troop says can be life-changing and empowering for all kinds of girls."  --
    Girl Scouts Return $100K When Donor Demands It 'Not Be Used' For Trans Girls
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  4. UsernameOptional added a comment on a blog entry: Need some Advice....   

    It's her house.  She can call the shots.  And if she is not going to call you Ren or Warren, and interact with you as she would with any other male, you can put your foot thru the floor and it won't change anything.  I agree that it sounds like she is intentionally referring to you as female in every way possible.
    I agree that in whatever way you plan on confronting her, you should be ready for the worst, which could possibly mean being kicked out.  If you're not in a position to take that chance yet, I think I would do everything I could to avoid her whenever possible to limit your exposure to her disrespect.
    When you do have to be in her presense, and since you have legal documents to back you up, stop responding to her when she calls you by your former name.  Pretend you don't even hear her.  But again, you have to determine whether you are ready to be kicked out if she would go so far.
    Good luck with the interview.  It would be nice if you could:  1) Get a job that you really would like to have, and 2) A job will help you get your own place.
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  5. UsernameOptional added a comment on a blog entry: Toxic Surroundings   

    It would be better if such people would just spontaneously combust.  No one will miss them, and it might serve as a warning to others like them to either change their ways or keep their big yaps shut.
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  6. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Critic Accidentally Teaches Self A Lesson   

    The Huffington Post  |  By Lydia O'Connor | Posted: 06/04/2015 7:30 pm EDT
    "After spending 9 days in a coma, suffering severe brain damage and being unable to walk or talk for a year, he chose to deal with the pain of the tragic event, by creating an imaginary world of characters and photos and stories, all set in WWII. His work is the subject of an upcoming documentary."  --
    Critic Of Caitlyn Jenner's 'Bravery' Accidentally Teaches Himself A Lesson
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  7. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: 'Mx' Could Be Dictionary's First Trans-Affirming Honorific   

    Mitch Kellaway | June 25 2015 11:16 AM ET
    "The word, first used in 1999, was allowed for consideration into the U.K.'s historic record of the English language after it was used in Parliament during a discussion of trans issues. Words also must be in use for several consecutive years before being considered for inclusion in the OED."  --
    'Cisgender' Added to Oxford English Dictionary
    At the end of this article, it is noted that some cisgender people feel that the word "'imposes' an identity on others," and that the word is used with hostility.  I can't help but chuckle at this because... isn't this what many cisgender (straight or gay) people have done to us with the terms "trans," "trangender," "transsexual," and especially "transvetite?"  (Example:  "A transgender was refused service")  Additionally, while some call us "trannies," I have yet to read or hear of any trans person calling a cisgender person a "cissy," as some claim this is what they think of when they hear the word "cisgender."  Considering this sentiment is most often heard from men, perhaps this is just another expression of homophobia since no [straight] man wants to be called a "sissy."
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  8. UsernameOptional added a comment on a blog entry: Becoming Us - Have You Seen It?   

    I decided to give this show another chance as I mentioned in my previous comment.  I watched the first two episodes using the links above.  I figured this would give me incentive to tune in to the third episode - which I did.
    The show is pretty good at showing how different people deal with a transgender person.  Of course in this show, the main character's biological father is a trans woman, and ironically, so is the biological father of his girlfriend.  Though the girlfriend's parent is not quite full-time, both the daughter and the wife (they are still married and still together) are very supportive of her.
    On the other hand, while the main character, Ben, refers to his parent with female pronouns and calls her by her female name, he is upset that he is losing his "father," and has so far refused to call Carly, "mom."  Ben's friends all think that Carly is cool - they like her, and they have even gone to bowl with her and Ben and out to eat.  Ben's mother and Carly are divorced.  Though the mother keeps up a relationship with Carly because of their children - especially Ben since he is still a minor - the mother seems to be very bitter about the whole thing.
    I've seen enough of the show now that there are some things I would like to see through:  Carly wants gender confirming surgery.  Ben and Carly discussed why Carly does not want to be called "Dad."  Ben's sister is about to get married - will Carly be at the wedding?  I have this feeling that if it were left up to Ben's mother, she would not.  And, Ben's best friend's girlfriend's brother reminds Carly of Charlie before Charlie was Carly... (  Did ya get all that?)  Might Lathan be trans in some form?
    NOTE:  Becoming Us is to be run on ABCFamilies' sister cable networks - check the thread "Becoming Us" as soon as possible for details.
    NOTE:  It now appears that there are full episodes on YouTube.
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  9. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Locker room policies and scaremongering tactics   

    "A lot of comments on the news stories and blog entries where I read about this say that these policies will make it easy for cisgender men to incorrectly claim to be transgender just to spy on naked women in the locker room."
    To date, in the many places that have passed laws that allow for people to use the facilities that correspond to the gender with which they identify, there have been ZERO cases of heterosexual, cisgender men parading as women in order to invade women's spaces to spy, harrass or molest women and children who accompany women into those spaces.   
    "What I wonder is if these policies really allow someone with male anatomy (who has taken no hormones or had any surgery) to access women's locker rooms or if people are misrepresenting these policies as a scaremongering tactic."
    Those who fight against  the passage of these laws use fear tactics borne of ignorance and bigotry to keep trans people out of the appropriate bathrooms and other gendered facilities.
    Planet Fitness and TG issues in the news
    "Does anyone know what these policies really do? Do they really let people with male anatomy access women's locker rooms even if they have not started hormones?"
    Much of your post seems skewed toward the fear of "people with male anatomy" accessing women's lockers [and restrooms].  These laws, where they exist and where they are being fought against, also affect "people with female anatomy" who need to access men's lockers and restrooms.  While so many are so wrapped up in unfounded fear that a cisgender male is going to go in a women's restroom, no one stops to realize that a trans man could potentially get the crap beat out of him if the right person is in the men's room at the same time.  Policies that allow trans women and trans men into the appropriate spaces makes things safer for the transgender person - male or female.
    "I think transgender people should definitely not use the locker room of the gender they identify as if they have not been on hormones for at least several months. Otherwise it would be very easy for perverts to lie about being transgender to spy on the opposite sex naked."
    Being on hormones does not guarantee that a trans woman will be able to seamlessly integrate into women's spaces unnoticed.  Likewise, the same applies to trans men.  Additionally, the affects of hormones are not something that acts on schedule.   One woman may develop breasts and fat redistribution in 6 months, another may not for a year.  A man might develop facial hair in three month, another man might never develop facial hair.  By your theory, there would both men and women that would never be able to access the appropriate spaces.    And again, there have been no cases to date of cisgender men parading as trans women just to get into women's spaces.  Believe me... the first time it happens, such news won't be able to travel fast enough!
    "I think there should be no problem letting transgender people who have had genital surgery use the locker room that matches their identity. Cisgender men will not have vaginoplasties just to sneak into the women's locker room. The grey areas are from the time when transgender people have been on hormones for several months to when they have had surgery..."
    Not all trans men and trans women have gender confirming surgery.  Again, by your theory, there would be many of us relegated to using the wrong bathrooms and lockers. 

                                  Michael C. Hughes
    I don't know if Michael Hughes has had bottom surgery or not, but for the sake of argument here, and because many trans men do not have bottom surgery, let's say he has not.  But, would that really matter, and would that be the only thing you'd be thinking about if you walked into a women's room and found him coming out of a stall?   In the places where these "bathroom bills" exist that criminalize trans people for using a gendered space opposite the sex they were assigned at birth, Hughes would have to use the women's room.  Would you want someone looking like him in the women's room?  Do you think he wants to be in the women's room?
    "I personally would not want to use the women's locker room until after surgery. I wouldn't want anyone to see you know what pre-op anyway. Does anyone know what the general population would think about a post-op transgender woman using the women's locker room? Would people react differently depending on the location, like San Francisco vs. a small town in Mississippi?"
    There are trans women and trans men who have been using the spaces people fear for them to be in all along.  If a trans woman is post-op, the issue might be moot because she might not be recognized as trans.  My thoughts as to who might react better or worse may be a bit biased, but I'm more inclined to believe there would be more issue in MS than in CA, though San Francisco is not always the GLBT haven everyone would prefer to believe it is.  I don't want you to feel that I am disrespecting you... but here's some food for thought since so many people are so concerned about cisgender men being the person you don't want in a women's restroom --
    While I've always hated having to be in women's lockers, and I am very uncomfortable in women's restrooms...those are the places I have to use.  But I identify as a HETEROSEXUAL MALE.  In lockers/showers, you women have no heartburn in running around half naked, or naked.  In restrooms, you straighten stockings and other undergarments and check other things with your posses.  Need I go into more details?  Technically, you really never know when a guy is in the women's room.
    "If the policies regarding transgender people and locker rooms do not allow what people think they allow, is there a way to make people realize this so they won't think transgender people are some sort of threat?"
    I can think of only two things:   1).  Experience what we experience;   2).  Since that's not possible...   education.
    I hope some of this helps...of course some of my reply is just personal opinion.  But your post should surely spark some good debate, and also impart the experiences of the members, from those who are just beginning to come to grips with being trans (yeah, it's not something we choose, and some don't even want to admit it to themselves), all the way to those who have transitioned (some are even post-op) and living as their true selves.
    P.S. .. Welcome to TGG 
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  10. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Scheduling Calendar Events   

    Scheduling Calendar Events
    Some of you may already have noticed that since the May 2015 board upgrade, calendar events must be approved before they become visible to members.
    While we have several moderators, any one of which can approve such requests, it is recommended that you create a calendar at least three days prior to the date on which the event is intended to occur.
    This will allow time for the event to be reviewed and approved, and leave time for members to learn of the event.
    As in the past, birthdays are also listed in the calendar, but no longer visible on the index page.
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  11. UsernameOptional added a comment on a blog entry: Becoming Us - Have You Seen It?   

    Here's the synopsis as seen on
    "Ben, an ordinary Midwestern teenager, going through a unique situation. After his parents’ recent divorce, Ben learned that his dad is transitioning into a woman, Carly. In the series’ opener, “#WelcomeToMyWorld,” Ben is struggling in school, and his parents, Suzy and Carly, are not happy about it. Ben’s girlfriend, Danielle, would like to introduce Carly to her father, who is also transgender, leading to an awkward shopping trip for the four of them. And Ben’s sister, Sutton, returns home to Evanston to plan her upcoming wedding."
    I tuned into the first episode.  I didn't know it was going to be another reality show, so that might have hurt the show's chances with me right off the bat - I was expecting a documentary, and expecting it to be all (only) about the trans people involved.  It seemed to me that the first episode had too much "other" stuff in it besides what was going on with the trans characters.   I'd rather watch a documentary, or a regular [scripted] program.
    I might tune in again, and give it another chance now that I know what to expect.
    I found episode #1 on hulu...  perhaps you can view it there...
    I also found it on  you must accept cookies, and it appears you have to register on the site...
    It appears that both episodes #1 and #2 can be found on - this site also requires registration...
    I also found links to YouTube, but once on Youtube, you are redirected to hulu
    I do not know how long these episodes will be available on these sites - I did not go so far as to check that info
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  12. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Missing Text, Forum Upgrade 2015   

    Missing Text, Forum Upgrade 2015
    It is known that some content was lost after an unsuccessful software version upgrade in mid to late April 2015.  However, it was thought that the lost content was in the form of entire newly created forum threads, new posts to old threads, changes/edits to profiles made during that time, blog entries and/or comments made during that time, and newly created photo albums and additions to older existing albums.
    It appears now that it's possible portions of content may have been affected, as missing text has been spotted in at least two posts in a thread that was being considered for an update.  That thread began in March 2015, but was still active into April 2015.  One post that was missing text had a now-defunct YouTube video in it, the other had a quote box in it, but the quoted materials seems out of place.  This seems to point to an issue with formatting from one version to another.
    These two posts may be an isolated situation, and/or any affected content may be due only to the failed upgrade, but anything that seems a bit off kilter posted between 4.01.2015 and 5.31.2015 may be explained by the upgrade attempt and process during this period.
    Members are welcome to "repair" any post they authored during that period if s/he finds text is missing from their posts.  If members spot a post during the above mentioned time frame that is obviously missing text, report that post on this thread, and attempts will be made to "repair" the post.
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  13. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Teacher Ends Life After Years of Bullying   

    While I can't bring myself to believe that anyone would have been hoping for this, I can't help but wonder if administrators thought that if they ignored the bullying and the complaints by Miss Ross, that she would eventually quit.  Maybe they didn't want her there, but didn't want to chance trying to fire her.  If that was their plan, it backfired in the most horrific way, and I have no heartburn in saying I hope karma comes back at them with a vengeance.
    There is more involved in this.  Not only did they ignore the issue which apparently drove this teacher to her death, but they allowed her students to be subjected to a harmful atmosphere.  Pretty sad that these children were, for all intents and purposes, learning how to bully and that to do so is okay.  And if they knew and understood that their teacher was transgender, they were also being taught that transgender people are of little consequence and not deserving of respect.  Some may argue that the bullying did not go on in front of the students, but I really doubt [her aides] were so conscientious, and of such high moral character, that they insured their bullying was carried out only when the students weren't looking.
    Seems to me that some entity should be able to come down on this school and it's administrators for child endangerment of some sort.
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  14. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Deleting Messages/Conversations   

    Thanks Bonnie.  I didn't realize that I did not direct people to where those things I outlined could be found.  No doubt I was on the page at the time.
    Here are the edited instructions --
    How to delete messages/conversations:
    Navigate to your messenger in one of two ways:
    ............1.  Clik on your username, found in the upper right of any page.  From the drop-down menu, clik on "Messages," or...
    ............2.  Clik on the "envelope" icon (found to the left of your username).  When the preview window opens, go to the bottom of the window and clik on "Go to inbox"
    Once in your messenger:
    ............1.  Empty the entire inbox - wipe it all out in one fell swoop
    .................a.  clik on the "gear" found to the right of "My Conversations," just above the list of messages down the left
    .................b.  in the menu that opens, clik on "Empty"
    .................c.  a box will open requiring that you either confirm the action or cancel it
    NOTE:  If you clik "OK," this action will delete all your messages/conversations.  If you are not sure you want to delete all your messages/conversations, you can delete them one by one --
    ............2.  While in any message/conversation:
    .................a.  clik on the down arrow next to "Message," found just above and to the right of the open PM
    .................b.  clik on "Leave conversation"
    .................c.  a box will open requiring that you either confirm the action or cancel it
    If you clik "OK," the confirmation box will close, and the action will delete the message/conversation.
    NOTE:  As Bonnie pointed out, the variety in terminology can be confusing.  For those who have joined  the board since the May 2015 upgrade, it appears that "PM" (Private Message) is something some of us older members use.  The terminology associated with the upgrade include:
    ..................a.  "messenger," found in the page address
    ..................b.  "conversation," found in what is supposed to be the "inbox"
    ..................c.  "messages," the title that heads up the list of individual communications you've shared with other members
    Edits to the tutorial include removing any reference to "PM's," and using only the terminology associated with the upgrade so as to minimize confusion.
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  15. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic: Teacher Ends Life After Years of Bullying   

    Mitch Kellaway | June 15 2015 6:59 AM ET
    "Grienke made her daughter's struggle public this week to demand that Milwaukee Public Schools do better when similar situations arise in the future. She is joined by one of Ross's friends, Madeline Dietrich, who penned an open letter to Milwaukee Public Schools Superintendent Darienne Driver, to call attention to MPS's alleged "failure to respond" to Ross's claims of bullying, and subsequent attempts to "cover up" the situation, reports WDJT."  --
    Bullied for 10 Years, Wisconsin Trans Teacher's Suicide Revealed
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