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  1. UsernameOptional

    This world is destroying my family

    Hey Jeff - It's obvious that emotions are high and intense surrounding the gender identity of your child. Seems now, that a "fight or flight" instinct is beginning to kick in. Sadly, I see the fight. And before I go further, please understand that you will not get the validation that you appear to need or are looking for. Rather we will, to an extent, try to get you to accept whether you understand or not, and to rally around your son (and his mother) 'cause people like us are just another minority that society loses no sleep at all in beating up on us, denying us rights, and in some cases - KILLING us. I've received PMs from members expressing frustation from not knowing what more to say or do for you, and concern for your child. Your most recent entry explains why - at least for me it does. In your 2nd entry (01 July), you closed with, "if I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to. I am asking serious questions." I responded to this, that you had nothing to worry about as long as it was obvious you wanted to learn, and as long as we detected no [intentional] callouness. I hoped you were working toward accepting your child's gender identity. I think the [unintentional?] callousness I seem to be detecting is due to your own fears, and your concern for what people will think of you. MomPride has not jumped on any "trans train." The only people guilty of that are those in areas of media that sensationalize transsexuality and try to capitalize on it (and the porn industry, unfortunately). It's a hot topic for some, and the media knows there are people who will watch whatever they put out like people at a freak show. Though I'm sure you didn't intent to, by saying this to MomPride, you disrespected her on every level possible, and invalidated her son. You do not have to delude yourself. But in light of the fact that your child has come out as trans and identifies as male, the only delusion now would be if you caused your child to retreat into the female role that you expect so that you can happily go on about your life - delusionally, but [allegedly] happy. Once again, you've disrespected MomPride (and everyone else in the community) by, in so many words, calling her delusional. We all suffer disasters in our lives - some small, some big, some managable, some not, some temporary, some last for periods longer than we think we can endure, some last a lifetime. And some are more than we can endure, at which time some choose to pull the plug. While it is true that society treats us like so much trash (actually worse because some trash is recycled!), being able to be oneself is priceless. There are those who dislike black people and other people of colour. Such people feel that dislike everyday. But they can no more change what they are than a trans person can. I know this is going to sound cliche, and my apologies in advance, but... we do not choose to identify as a gender contradictory to our birth sex any more than you choose to be cisgender and heterosexual. Tell me, please, why would we intentionally subject ourselves to the unacceptance and hate of the populace? WHY? I am 60 years old, Jeff. I've known from a very young age that I was not like my mother, or her mother, or her sister, or her best [female] friend, or any other female that had, to that point, walked into or past my little life. After I started school is when the problems started. I had no words back then for what I felt inside, but I instinctively emulated other boys. Of course that didn't go over well and I learned to hide my true identity. That did not come without consequences, however. Most of my school years were friendless. In elementary school girls seemed to instinctively know I was different from them... I wasn't one of them. Staff and faculty kept me from participating with the boys - where I really wanted to be. The onset of puberty caused changes I detested, especially breasts - the very things I knew from about 1st or 2nd grade that I would never want. And at the time, had no reason to think I would get them - I just knew I wouldn't want them. And then, WHAM! There they were. I have since then tried every way possible to hide them, make them less noticeable, pretend they don't exist. The appearance of pubic hair also distressed me because I did not know that everyone had pubic hair. The disgust (most likely dysphoria) caused lasting issues. I spent a good part of my junior high years trying to figure out how I could painlessly and successfully kill myself. The fear of failure kept me from doing so. I was afraid I would get arrested (we were always told suicide was against the law); I was afraid I'd get in trouble with my parents (both were very strict, and my dad was military); and I didn't want to end up a vegetable in an institution where people would have to tend to every aspect of life for me, leaving my mis-shapen, wrongly developed body exposed for those tasked with caring for me, to see. My high school years were hell. Imagine being the only boy in all-girl spaces, hormones RAGING, and you can't do a damn thing about it. I was one of the boys that didn't get asked to the Sadie Hawkins dance (and so missed out on that event altogether). I didn't get to ask a girl to the either Jr or Sr prom (and so missed out on both events altogether). I didn't get to play football or baseball. I was relegated to softball and the girl's versions of gymnastics. The older I got, the more clear it got with each passing year that society sucks, and I could not be myself. I had to continue to pretend to be someone else just to keep from being bullied, shunned, hated, ridiculed, teased, etc, whether from family or strangers. Somewhere between high school and adulthood, I developed a love/hate for females. I hated them because I was lumped in with them, and then of course, like any heterosexual male, I wanted a woman to love and who would love me. Now here's the thing - even pretending to be female, throughout my life, I've been bullied, shunned, hated, ridiculed, teased, etc, at various times in different places. So, if I had known there would still be that kinda crap, I could have done it as a boy, as a man. My entire life has been wasted on fear. My entire life has been wasted on pretending to be a female just to keep people like you from hating me. This forum (and being online) is the only place where I have been able to be ME. Where I can be myself and the members here treat me with respect, with acknowledgment, with acceptance, with friendship, with love. There's nothing you can do to change this, Jeff. BUT, you have two choices: 1. You deny your child's gender identity, and you guarantee nothing but pain in more ways than you care to know. 2. You accept your child's gender identity, and help him to be the best he can be, so that he can find the strength to live his life in spite of the haters and bigots. Somewhere among the many discussion here, a former member posted that she told her mother she (the mother) had a choice - she could have a dead daughter, or a living daughter. In other words, dead or alive, the member was a [trans] woman, and not a man. The mother just had to decide which she preferred. If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to. Being trans is serious. David Michael
  2. UsernameOptional

    Moving

    Can you not blog here minus those few words that are not allowed. Some of our rules exist because TG Guide is not age-restricted....
  3. UsernameOptional

    This world is destroying my family

    Hey, Dad...I am very glad to see you return. I was just about to give up on ya when I signed in this evening and discovered all the activity on your blog entry. I can only imagine how difficult this might be for you. Keep in mind it may also be just as difficult for your child - it may not have occurred to you, but your pain is no doubt affecting [her] and making things difficult for [her] too, and may even be blaming [her]self. Bad part about that is, [she's] done nothing wrong to take the blame for. No one has - meaning, not even you and your wife as parents. Has nothing to do with your parenting. We are, what we are. NOTE: In case you are wondering -- I've chosen to not refer to your child as male (out of respect for you for now), but if your child IS trans, I don't want to blantantly refer to [her] as if [she] were a cisgender female, and is why I have been putting terms like "she" and "her" in brackets []. I use the bracketed terms as, "for lack of a better term." "While I understand that you believe you are transgender..." Just as you know in your heart, your very soul, what you are, so do trans people. While we know no other existence, the discord is stressful and affects nearly every aspect of our lives. "...has this decision to live this way really made your lives better?" There are many trans people who have successfully transitioned and live a happy life. But whether one transitions or not, s/he is still transgender. True enough that not all people are happy after they transition - the reasons are varied, and not always transition related. But it seems across the board, that no one is happy untransitioned. It's difficult to go thru life having to put on an act. Pretending to be something/someone you are not and to constantly have to tolerate being treated as something/someone you are not. "If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to. I am asking serious questions." Part of the reason for the existence of this board is not only to have a place to support each other, but to support people like you, too. We realize that this is difficult. Callous and unfeeling comes into play when a person flatly refuses to even try to understand, or to accept - whether they understand or not. 'Cause, let's be honest, unless you yourself harbour some issue with gender, a cisgender person can NEVER fully understand what it's like to be trans - just like we can never know what it's really like to be cisgender. But you can learn to accept. You can realize that male or female, this is your child... and learning that your child is not the gender you expected does not make that child suddenly a different person. Believe me, we can tell the difference in intentional callousness borne of bigotry or hate, and the mis-steps and grappling of someone looking for help and answers, someone who wants to learn. As for binding...I recommend extreme caution in using anything adhesive-backed. Also, avoid Ace bandage at all costs - it can cause irreversible damage and injury not only externally, but also internally. If you are going to allow your child to start binding now, and especially in light of the fact that you have indicated that [she] is exhibiting distress in development, I highly suggest you look into a proper binder. I personally use this one, but there are several models and it may take trying a couple before your child finds one that is suitable and performs satisfactorily. -Mike
  4. Published 19 January 18 "‘I get shouted at every single time I leave my house and threatened at least once a week. I try to closet myself from my family because I’m so close to getting kicked out. I can’t access hormone replacement therapy without going private. I’m disabled. It’s a lot to deal with and I’m crumbling under the stress but I consider myself a warrior. But really, something needs to change.’" -- stonewall.org.uk New research exposes profound discrimination trans people face _____________________________________________________________________________________________________ Chances are, the situation is no different in the U.S. But it appears the U.K. is bent on trying to fix it. --DML
  5. by Vanessa Guillen Matheus / May.31.2018 / 4:25 PM ET "...Levitt mentioned the importance of using “sensitive language.” For example, care providers could ask patients which pronouns they prefer..." -- nbcnews.com #Pride30: Nurse Nathan Levitt is dedicated to improving transgender health
  6. Mary Emily O'Hara | June 26, 2018 "The WPATH Standards of Care booklet is a 120-page list of recommendations for mental health and medical providers that serve adults, adolescents, and children. First published in 1979, it’s now in its seventh revision, compiled and updated by over 30 doctors, medical and psychological professionals, and an international advisory board." -- them.us Starbucks Just Adopted the Most Comprehensive Trans Health Policy in the World
  7. UsernameOptional

    This world is destroying my family

    "Girl haircuts and clothing are the only choices and that if this is what she wants to choose when she is 18, then I can't stop her." -- Jeff And if [she] IS transgender, and doesn't make it to 18? What then? Will you be happy? The suicide rate for transgender people is disproportionately and sickenly higher than in any other group. Not trying to scare you or make you feel bad... I just think there's a bigger picture you need to be consider rather than your own misplaced pain. If [she] IS transgender, by 18, the poison of estrogen will have widened [her] hips, put fat where [she] will not want it, and put breasts on [her] chest...which [she] will no doubt despise and be disgusted by. You will find all the documentation you want that debunks the existence transsexuality... doesn't make it factual. Just bolsters what you choose to believe. For now, the only proof it actually exists is differences in the brain - but that can only be discovered after one is dead. If [she] IS transgender, [she] is NOT mentally ill... as are none of the rest of us. Only a competent mental health professional will be able to help you all - and [her] - determine if [she] is indeed trans, or just suffering the hellish trials of growing up. I was at least heartened to learn that you are getting counselling for your son... he has learned this unacceptance by those around him. Hopefully he is still young enough to learn and realize that homophobia and transphobia is not pretty, and that GLBT people are no different than straight and cisgender (non-transgender) people. If [she] IS transgender, this is just as hard on [her] as on you... if not more so. But any hardship [she] may be enduring is not of [her] making... but of the society around [her] that villifies people like us for no good or logical reasons. I wish all of you - but especially your child - good luck. -Michael P.S. I would recommend that you consider checking out the Transgender Children & Youth forum. And even the FTM Discussion forum
  8. Published 9:18 a.m. ET June 27, 2018 "The Nebraska native who sang Jordan Smith's "Stand in the Light," explained to the judges that the lyrics mirrored his own life. Elaborating on his "struggles and battles," Ray explained, "I actually was born female. I'm transgender."" -- usatoday.com 'America's Got Talent': Transgender singer Brody Ray's performance will give you chills (with Video)
  9. NBC News Published on Jun 21, 2018 Active duty Lieutenant Commander Blake Dremann has 11 deployments under his belt, but his longest and most personal battle has been fighting for transgender rights in the military.
  10. UsernameOptional

    Disparity & Dispassion

    My girlfriend, a cisgender woman, has become my champion over the years. And, though I hate to admit it was even necessary, she has taught me to be more accepting of some things. Yes [for those of you new to this board], despite being trans, despite being a part of the TGLB community, I have at times in the past expressed a few intolerances. I'm not perfect by any means...but I believe she's successfully changed (for the better) my view on some things. Anywhoooooo... quite often she runs across articles online that touch her deeply, or that she believes I need to read, or that she thinks I may want to post here at TGG. A few days ago, she gave me a link to an article about a trans man that had been shot and killed in Atlanta, GA. I'm sure that there were several reasons: 1) There's never much out there about trans men 2) It's not often we hear about a trans man being killed - this is exacerbated by the fact that too often trans people are misgendered by law enforcement, media, unaccepting family, etc. 3) And of course... her boyfriend - your's truly - is a trans man 😎 I read the article with the usual sadness. I guess we are all either way too familiar with that sadness, or have become hardened to it because there are just so many trans people killed throughout the world. Unfortunately, the US ranks third, behind only Brazil and Mexico in the murders of transgender people. Not exactly something to brag about, and is most certainly contradictory of a country that likes to boast of such great civil and human rights, and goes about condemning other countries with poor civil and human rights. Talk about the pot calling the kettles black! But I digress... Though I don't often do it, after I read the article, I scrolled down to the comments section. There was, and still is as of the writing of this blog entry, only one comment, "I've often wondered why humans, both (male and female), feel so morally charged when It comes to MTF transgenders, but not FTM transgenders. This is sad what did happen to this person." -- Leois Stellar It's not often that people see, realize or admit how the vast disparity between what society thinks of males/females, men/women, and the high importance placed on being male, seemingly dismisses trans men altogther. To the point that there are many cisgender people do not even know or think we exist, and transgender women who believe that those labelled female at birth cannot really be transsexual, and so dismiss our existence. The only thing that matters is that society believes a person who was labelled at birth as male, to be somehow sadly and desperately broken inside for [him] to "want to be <GASP!!> a woman." And if they do recogize that trans men exist, it's almost as if they do not care - afterall, we were not born male and so, nothing was lost. And that there is still only one comment on that article, speaks loud and clear to society's dispassion towards trans men. The disparity and dispassion, though from a different angle, exists even in the community...
  11. UsernameOptional

    Technical help needed in posting photos

    Never indicated the problem was uploading to your computer... I was just trying to find a way around the issue - whatever it may be. There is no [general] issue uploading to this forum - members have uploaded images to the member gallery as recent at 28 April... I uploaded an image to a post just this past week. This is why I asked for as much info as possible. --Are you using a cable between the Nikon and your computer? --Does the Nikon require any special software or program in order to be connected to your computer (some phones or providers used to require such) --Are you getting any error messages when the upload fails? NOTE: It's possible there may be a communication problem between the Nikon and your computer In the editor when creating a new thread, or replying to a post in an existing thread, look down in the bottom left corner -
  12. UsernameOptional

    I'm confused about who I want to be

    Hi Gracie.. and welcome to TG Guide. Just to add to what Emma wrote... and it has to do with the title of your post, "I'm confused about who I want to be." Something that might help you begin to figure it out... it's not who you want to be, but what you are. You may want to be an engineer, or a model, or a doctor. But you are a boy, or you are a girl, or you are both or neither. Your gender identity is not what you want, it is what you are. Unfortunately, our identity doesn't always match the body parts.. See what I'm saying?
  13. UsernameOptional

    Message Forum Upgrade

    LOLOL... you GO, girl!!
  14. UsernameOptional

    The "New" Friendship

    Some believe all friendships must be face-to-face relationships, and that online relationships cannot be formed, do not exist, or are fake. And I'm going to say that most of the people who feel that way are, "of a certain age" or older. I think it is people from older generations who think online relationships are empty. When I was younger, and long before the internet, some people had "pen pals." Since I have no kids, I cannot say whether pen pals is a thing anymore or not. Some people have had life-long pen pals, and have never met in person. In order for such relationships to last, I would think that the people involved would have had to become friends of some sort. Today, we have the internet. I see this as being no different than exchanging letters with someone. And in fact, I believe friendships formed prior to any face-to-face meeting (IF one ever occurs) can sometimes form quickly and be stronger, because in some cases, the people involved get to actually know the person - not what they look like or where they come from. For many, if not most or all, the possibility of relationships are too often determined/decided on what a person looks like. I believe that most people will never know how many truly good, close, and potentially life-time friendships they could have had simply because they ignored someone (in "real time") because of what they looked like. As for it being lonely at the top... I think it depends on the people involved. CO-WORKERS (or more precisely, former co-workers) If a person's friends are also co-workers, then yeah, I agree - those friends will dwindle and fall away as a person's career advances. I can say this from experience - I retired as a supervisor. While the experience was good, if I had to do it over, I think I would not again go after a supervisory position. Quite often, the higher up the food chain, the less you are trusted. Employees also have a tendancy to be unsure what they should or shouldn't say in your presence. Some employess may believe that they no longer have anything in common with their former co-worker. There are probably a list of reason as long as you arm as to why a person loses co-worker friends once that person becomes a part of management. The old friends are sometimes replaced by those in same/similar/comparable positions. And then of course... some companies discourage friendships between certain positions. NON-CO-WORKERS However, I don't see why a person would lose that many friends when those friends have nothing to do with the company/business where you work. Though I'm sure it's possible there's alway the one that harbours the same kinds of attitudes as a co-worker. But I would think such people would be encountered less. -Michael
  15. UsernameOptional

    Message Forum Upgrade

    I tried the "Leaderboard" link just now and was about post that I replicated the issue. But about the time I was going to scroll down to create a reply... the page loaded. Could be it's just a delay. Try again and see if it still doesn't load.
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