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MonicaPz

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About MonicaPz

  • Rank
    Moderator
  • Birthday 01/19/1958

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Beacon NY
  • Interests
    Am a CG Lesbian with an open mind. Have had many TG friends when I lived in Florida. Exploring art. Enjoy coffee houses with live music. Visit museums and art galleries. Am on disability, using a cane. Sedate but have an active mind.

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  1. MonicaPz

    On Coming Out (Part One - A Beginning)

    Dear Christy and Lauren, Christy, I love the landscape pictures. They look like they were the work of a professional! It looks like it is saying, "paint me!" And I wish I had the talent to do so, although I am working on it. Lauren, I love the picture of you with the girls. Love looking at pictures of girls having a good time together! All of you look great! Nothing looks better than genuine happiness! Your friend, Monica
  2. Dear Emma, Rejection AND trust issues seem to be big issues for both trans and LGB people. Even before I knew I was a Lesbian, I knew I was "different," since I was four years old, and not only did I know it, but my parents and siblings knew it, too. It not only affected me then, but even now. Today, I received a phone call from my oldest brother, that my cousin and two aunts passed away this past week. This is the same brother that I normally receive four e-mails a year from. Last night our middle brother called him, but did not call or e-mail me. My youngest brother, did not call or e-mail my oldest brother or I, either. Only my youngest brother is going to the funerals. As far as I know, no members of my family who are Gay (all live in Portland, OR), are going to attend. Asked my oldest brother if I could have the name and address of my cousins who are the children of my deceased aunts and if my two aunts had charitable preferences (I am not into sending flowers), but I am going to e-mail him on that, as I am not on good terms with them, to cancel my request, in respect for their privacy. The upshot of all of this is, my two aunts and cousin, they are now all-knowing, and now know the full story. My cousin, who died, lived in Sweden (she married a Swede) but her family does not speak English, and I don't speak Swedish. Her sister is a Lesbian, who lives in Portland OR. The only reason I am on somewhat civil terms with my youngest brother is that I feel obligated to have a relationship with the grandchildren in the family, and through him, I have contact with most of the children in the family, during the Holidays. Do miss them very much, and I pray for them all. What is the upshot of all of this? Encourage all T/LGB people to form families of choice. Think this is more important than finding long-term lovers, although this is a nice bonus. Although most of my family and relatives feel I will burn in Hell for eternity, I feel that there are many planes in the Spiritual Realm, and each one will find their own Heaven, and I will find my own. Your friend, Monica
  3. Dear Lauren, The "trophy" is for you and Corinne. The article was in the Fall issue of "The GAYJOURNAL Magazine," on page 16. The magazine comes out of Philadelphia, PA. There is a facing article on page 17 that I will share in about a week. Their website is: www.thegayjournal.net Their other contact information is: E-Mail: lvgayjournal@gmail.com Snail mail: Gaugler-Libby, LLC P.O. Box 421 Stockton, PA 18083 Like to call this "the thinking person's T/LGB magazine!" Your friend, Monica
  4. MonicaPz

    On Coming Out (Part One - A Beginning)

    Dear Lauren, Many transwomen, after they chose their name, later learned their MOTHER planned on using the SAME NAME if they had a girl, or their mother had a miscarriage, and had the baby girl survived, the mother was going to name the baby girl the same name. Your friend, Monica
  5. When You Transition . . . Everyone You Know Transitions, Too Written By Corinne Goodwin in "The GAYJOURNAL Magazine" I began my so-called "path to transition" at the age of 55. That is when I finally said the words "I am transgender and I have to live authentically" out loud. Of course, I knew that I was trans decades earlier. I was not able to put a name to it, but I knew there was something different about me even before I started kindergarten. I was a real hard charger who worked 60 - plus hours a week and reveled in the privilege that mature white men possess. Of course, much of what people saw was an act. Finally, after all those years, the pressure had built - up to the point where it needed release or I would sink into an unrecoverable depression. Thank goodness I said those words. As most LGBTQ people know, there is an amazing amount of angst that is associated with being in the closet. There is also an intense feeling of being free when you step out into the sunlight. That, of course, it where Newton's third law of physics kicks in. You are finally stepping out into the light but for many of the people in your life, they begin to experience their own worlds of anxiety. In effect, you are transferring many of the burdens you have been carrying to them. THE TERROR ASSOCIATED WITH NEWTON When a trans person comes out to a family member the first thing they worry about is rejection. In my case I was married for over 30 years and I could not imagine not having my wife by my side going forward. I also had a son who is the light of my life and I had a small but close group of friends and work associates who I depended on. "What," I asked myself, "would happen if they reject me?" Would I be alone? Would I be disowned? Would I lose my livelihood? HERE COMES NEWTON Like I said thought, Newton's third law does apply. I came out gradually to my friends and relatives. In person when I felt I could and in letters, emails and phone calls when appropriate. Each time I did so, virtually everyone made the right noises and had the desired reactions. But, as I have been transitioning, some of the people who matter the most to me have struggled. My spouse, who has a large network of friends from our old neighborhood, through her church and her job stopped inviting friends over to the house because she did not want them, me or her to feel uncomfortable. To make matters worse, I was so wrapped - up in my world, I did not notice until she brought it up two years after the fact. My son was engaged to be married. In my mind, it was important to let him and his fiance know about me and my pending transition prior to the wedding - after all, it was only fair that she know what she was getting into. Unfortunately, despite an initially positive reception, soon thereafter, the engagement was off. To be sure there were other issues involved, but there is no doubt that my transition added to their tensions. Now I ask myself, what will be the impact on his future relationships? In my business circles, I began the coming out process as well. I have largely done so by having individual conversations but coming in this slow - roll fashion has its costs. One of them is that I asked my associates to hold my "secret" while I worked thought my lists. That is definitely unfair. Plus, clients and business contacts have not known which name, e-mail or phone number to use. Even more critically, it forces them to pause and think carefully about how they address me in meetings or group e-mails. This is confusing, a real time waster and an unfair burden. My friends have had to pay a price, too. I am excited about finally getting to live my life in a more genuine fashion. That excitement can lead to fixation where all I want to talk about is transition and everything related to it. Luckily, a friend recently said to me, "You know, it does not have to be 'all trans, all the time.' How about we change the topic?" After a bit of shock and self - examination, I came to realize that I may not have been paying their friendship back very well. THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY COIN Partners and spouses definitely have the hardest road. While a transitioning person's path is not an easy one, for them there are clear mileposts along the way to achieving an ultimate goal. That is not necessarily the case for a partner. Think about it . . . beyond navigating the issues of potentially coming to terms with a new version of the sexuality and the possibility of being ostracized by friends and relatives, there are dozens of new rules (mostly unspoken) that have to be renegotiated. These range from who buys the flowers on Valentine's Day to how you introduce your partner at a cocktail party or casual meeting to how you sign greeting cards during the Holidays. In other words, prior to the transition there was a relatively easy to understand script to follow. Now the script has been torn - up and there are few resources available to help a spouse or partner to find a new one. It is no wonder surveys show that fewer than 50% of all relationships survive a transition. IS TRANSITION SELFISH? The quick answer is "yes" and most trans people I know have struggled with the guilt associated with that selfish act. But, in the long - run you can not take care of the people who matter to you most if you do not take care of yourself first. In my case, I had to come to the realization that while transition is something I am doing for me, it is not exclusively about me. This is a reality that most transitioning people come to terms with sooner or later. Our family members may grieve just as we feel we are being born and our friends and coworkers will have to make significant adjustments in their thinking and relationships with us. But, in the end, if everyone truly cares about each other and are willing to negotiate and make the adjustments necessary, transition can be successful for all parties.
  6. MonicaPz

    SCConference

    Dear Christy and Jessica, May I suggesting SINGING in your feminine voice is very helpful. Can not emphasize recording enough! Good luck in making good progress! Yours truly, Monica
  7. MonicaPz

    Uploading Images

    Dear Dawn, Love your running outfit, especially when you are sporting my favorite color (blue)! Wish they made fanny packs in shades of blue! Hope you can get your posting issues resolved, as I miss seeing you! Your friend, Monica
  8. MonicaPz

    Growing up and out.

    Dear Mikaylajane, Agree with Jessica 100 percent. What I try to do when I am stressed is ask myself, "what is the greatest problem I have right now?" Then, focusing ONLY on that ONE problem, I ask myself, "what can I do TODAY to resolve that problem?" Follow through and do it. Then the next day, focusing on the SAME problem, I ask the same question, until the problem is resolved, no matter how many days it takes. Then go on to the next greatest problem. If this does not work, you may have to conclude it is not meant to be. Recently, I decided I wanted to join a Senior Adult Day Care, to do my art, only to encounter one difficulty after another. Sadly, I had to conclude I was not meant to be there. The point is, if you feel you have to force it, chances are you are not intended to be there. Now I do art in my friend's restaurant, which she is OK with. Usually, when one door is closed to you, another will open. On a few occasions in my life, I was able to observe that had I entered that closed door, I may have not only been more frustrated, but even injured or killed. Try to stay calm, and be open to another opportunity. Your friend, Monica
  9. MonicaPz

    Being misunderstood

    Dear Emma, Men and women are equally nasty, just men show it through violence and women, because society doesn't give them permission to be violent (until very recently), are nasty by emotional and verbal abuse. My dream is of a society that is secure enough that people do not resort to such behaviors. Remember, it is a people problem, not a gender problem. Yours truly, Monica
  10. MonicaPz

    Growing up and out.

    Dear Emma and Mikaylajane, Just attended an outstanding lecture at the library, and the mental health therapist who was giving the lecture said that psychotropic medications should never be given without concurrent counseling, and, except in rare cases, should never be permanent, but reevaluated regularly. Wishing you both health and wellness. Yours truly, Monica
  11. MonicaPz

    Growing up and out.

    Dear Emma, When I saw your picture of you hiking with your Lesbian friends, I would never knew you were transgender. You looked like just another Lesbian. Please keep in mind that estrogen drops in ALL cisgender women as they age, and testosterone in ALL cisgender men as they age. Recall a senior cisgender Lesbian heavy/stone butch I knew in Florida (not transgender) who, if you put her in a suit, she would have passed as a cisgender man! Remember, being a woman is from the inside out! Don't let others' problems become your problem! NOBODY is accepted by 100 percent of others 100 percent of the time! Your Lesbian sister, Monica
  12. MonicaPz

    Growing up and out.

    Dear Mikaylajane, Estrogen causes hypersensitivity. Just ask any mother of a teen daughter! 😉 Your friend, Monica
  13. MonicaPz

    Being misunderstood

    Dear Mikaylajane, Live in a small city 50 miles north of NYC that is growing very fast. It has always been clique-ish and clan-ish, but as it grew, it got meaner. Have found medium-sized towns the best. These cities are known to be T/LGB friendly: San Francisco, CA; Portland, OR; Seattle, WA; Fort Lauderdale, FL; and the Tampa Bay (Clearwater, St. Petersburg, Tampa), FL area. Try to participate in as many gender conferences as possible, and ask transgender people about the pros and cons of where they live. Ask people here at TGGuide for their suggestions. Also, look for transgender meetups nearby to find others seeking community. Remember to look for a good overall fit, not just about how T/LGB friendly a city is. Hope this helps. Your friend, Monica
  14. MonicaPz

    On again/off again- In and OUT

    Took care of two autistic men, and they have a sensitive sense of smell. People accused them of being cross dressers, but they weren't. With the first, his mother died, and he was very close to her. Her clothing was bagged up and I was instructed to not wash it. To get him to settle down for bed, I removed a piece and put it under his pillow. Sometimes he wore her slippers, and I had to remind him to keep it indoors, to preserve the slippers and avoid misunderstandings among neighbors. The other one I cared for would sleep in his mother's bed. This involved bonding with her smell, and calmed him down. Belonged to several autism care givers support groups, and I never thought to bring this up. Does this resonate with anyone?
  15. MonicaPz

    Getting Caught!

    Dear Jessica and Christy, Years ago, I babysat for a little girl and her brother. One day, while playing, he asked if he could dress as a girl (he was about four). Allowed him, he and his sister played as if two sisters, and the next time I babysat for them, I asked if he wanted to dress as a girl again. Was a teenager then, and I knew nothing about transgender issues. Felt relieved he did not want to dress as a girl again, and apparently he "got it out of his system." Never told their parents. Have the ability to sense gender energy, as well as "future sexual orientation energy," and I sensed he would grow up heterosexual and a man. He was just exploring, and I think children should be allowed explore. Felt as a result I was "cool" about it, that I helped him affirm that he was heterosexual and will grow up to be a man. How would I handled it if I picked up that he was going to grow up to become a woman or a homosexual man? Probably I would have said nothing, as I was aware of my gift but did not understand it. All I could do was describe what I was "seeing," and cause upset and confusion among the parents. By the time I was a teen, I only shared my gift in life and death circumstances, and only by describing what I saw. Tried to help others by seeking a "natural" explanation to what I was seeing. The transgender community has helped me to understand my gift. For that, I will always be grateful. Your friend, Monica
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