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Blog Comments posted by UsernameOptional

  1. JeffDad --

    Despite all that's been said by those who've participated in this discussion, you stand firm in your belief that being trans is a choice, a "lifestyle."  And you are steadfast in your belief that we just "think" or "believe" that we are one gender or the other.

    As for my example of the Sadie Hawkins dance, I wasn't out, so of course no one would have asked me to go.  If you had taken in what I wrote, it would have been clear that I suffered my situation alone and in silence.   I wasn't alone, friendless and without romantic relationships because people wanted nothing to do with a transgender man.  They didn't know I existed.

    "If I was hearing happy stories.... positive life stories, fulfilling relationship stories.. happy family stories.... or anything that could even be construed as positive I may think differently."   ...   "I do not want this world for my daughter."  --JeffDad
    Because of those who make life miserable for so many trans people ... why don't you consider becoming a part of CHANGE, so that your child DOESN'T feel isolated, different, unwanted, bullied, unhappy, etc.?  Starts with one cisgender person at a time.  Join a Straight/Gay Alliance.  Join a LGBTQ+ support group.  Join a transgender group.  I dunno where in Jersey you are, but I do know that in the tri-state area (NJ, eastern PA, southern NY) there are many groups that could be of help.  Become an activist.  Make this world better for your child... don't condemn the lot of us and call us delusional, and dismiss us with, "it's your choice," or "I believe that YOU believe your gender is _______."  We can fight for and hope to gain the same rights you have, but acceptance comes from the cisgender mainstream - from the ones who mandate the unwritten rules of society.  Let's take marriage equality for example:  same-sex marriage is legal now, BUT, that doesn't mean it's generally accepted.  Just means there were those that felt they finally had to do the right thing.   And it certainly doesn't mean that society now accepts gay people.  It takes the haters to change that.

    Ya know what else isn't a choice?  Being born.  Your child didn't ask to be born.  In fact, he had no say what-so-ever in the matter.  And because he had no choice, those who brought him into this world should accept him in whatever way shape or form he turned out - without reservation.  And if everyone accepted everyone the way they are, there'd be no reason to worry.  This world will never be safe for anyone who is different until those who have issue with difference, change.  

    I really wish we could be of more help.  I was hoping we could help you accept your child the way he is and understand that this is not a choice, a desire, a whim or a phase.  I wish all of you, especially your children, the best.  Maybe one day, they will be the ones to usher in an era where people are just people, and sex and gender are simply medical designations only, and not something to be used as licenses by others to hate or hurt, withhold equality, or deny happiness.

    Good luck
    -David Michael

    • Thanks 2

  2. Hey Jeff -
    It's obvious that emotions are high and intense surrounding the gender identity of your child.  Seems now, that a "fight or flight" instinct is beginning to kick in.  Sadly, I see the fight.  And before I go further, please understand that you will not get the validation that you appear to need or are looking for.  Rather we will, to an extent, try to get you to accept whether you understand or not, and to rally around your son (and his mother) 'cause people like us are just another minority that society loses no sleep at all in beating up on us, denying us rights, and in some cases - KILLING us.  I've received PMs from members expressing frustation from not knowing what more to say or do for you, and concern for your child.  Your most recent entry explains why - at least for me it does.

    In your 2nd entry (01 July), you closed with, "if I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to.  I am asking serious questions."  I responded to this, that you had nothing to worry about as long as it was obvious you wanted to learn, and as long as we detected no [intentional] callouness.  I hoped you were working toward accepting your child's gender identity.   I think the [unintentional?] callousness I seem to be detecting is due to your own fears, and your concern for what people will think of you.

    MomPride has not jumped on any "trans train."  The only people guilty of that are those in areas of media that sensationalize transsexuality and try to capitalize on it (and the porn industry, unfortunately).  It's a hot topic for some, and the media knows there are people who will watch whatever they put out like people at a freak show.  Though I'm sure you didn't intent to, by saying this to MomPride, you disrespected her on every level possible, and invalidated her son.

    You do not have to delude yourself.  But in light of the fact that your child has come out as trans and identifies as male, the only delusion now would be if you caused your child to retreat into the female role that you expect so that you can happily go on about your life - delusionally, but [allegedly] happy.  Once again, you've disrespected MomPride (and everyone else in the community) by, in so many words, calling her delusional.

    We all suffer disasters in our lives - some small, some big, some managable, some not, some temporary, some last for periods longer than we think we can endure, some last a lifetime.  And some are more than we can endure, at which time some choose to pull the plug.  While it is true that society treats us like so much trash (actually worse because some trash is recycled!), being able to be oneself is priceless.   There are those who dislike black people and other people of colour.  Such people feel that dislike everyday.  But they can no more change what they are than a trans person can.  I know this is going to sound cliche, and my apologies in advance, but...  we do not choose to identify as a gender contradictory to our birth sex any more than you choose to be cisgender and heterosexual.  Tell me, please, why would we intentionally subject ourselves to the unacceptance and hate of the populace?  WHY?

    I am 60 years old, Jeff.  I've known from a very young age that I was not like my mother, or her mother, or her sister, or her best [female] friend, or any other female that had, to that point, walked into or past my little life.  
                After I started school is when the problems started.  I had no words back then for what I felt inside, but I instinctively emulated other boys.  Of course that didn't go over well and I learned to hide my true identity.  That did not come without consequences, however.  Most of my school years were friendless.  In elementary school girls seemed to instinctively know I was different from them... I wasn't one of them.  Staff and faculty kept me from participating with the boys - where I really wanted to be.   
                The onset of puberty caused changes I detested, especially breasts - the very things I knew from about 1st or 2nd grade that I would never want.  And at the time, had no reason to think I would get them - I just knew I wouldn't want them.  And then, WHAM! There they were.  I have since then tried every way possible to hide them, make them less noticeable, pretend they don't exist.  The appearance of pubic hair also distressed me because I did not know that everyone had pubic hair.  The disgust (most likely dysphoria) caused lasting issues.
                I spent a good part of my junior high years trying to figure out how I could painlessly and successfully kill myself.  The fear of failure kept me from doing so.  I was afraid I would get arrested (we were always told suicide was against the law); I was afraid I'd get in trouble with my parents (both were very strict, and my dad was military); and I didn't want to end up a vegetable in an institution where people would have to tend to every aspect of life for me, leaving my mis-shapen, wrongly developed body exposed for those tasked with caring for me, to see.
                My high school years were hell.  Imagine being the only boy in all-girl spaces, hormones RAGING, and you can't do a damn thing about it.  I was one of the boys that didn't get asked to the Sadie Hawkins dance (and so missed out on that event altogether).  I didn't get to ask a girl to the either Jr or Sr prom (and so missed out on both events altogether).  I didn't get to play football or baseball.  I was relegated to softball and the girl's versions of gymnastics.

    The older I got, the more clear it got with each passing year that society sucks, and I could not be myself.  I had to continue to pretend to be someone else just to keep from being bullied, shunned, hated, ridiculed, teased, etc, whether from family or strangers.  Somewhere between high school and adulthood, I developed a love/hate for females.  I hated them because I was lumped in with them, and then of course, like any heterosexual male, I wanted a woman to love and who would love me.   Now here's the thing - even pretending to be female, throughout my life, I've been bullied, shunned, hated, ridiculed, teased, etc, at various times in different places.  So, if I had known there would still be that kinda crap, I could have done it as a boy, as a man.  My entire life has been wasted on fear.  My entire life has been wasted on pretending to be a female just to keep people like you from hating me.  This forum (and being online) is the only place where I have been able to be ME.  Where I can be myself and the members here treat me with respect, with acknowledgment, with acceptance, with friendship, with love.

    There's nothing you can do to change this, Jeff.  BUT, you have two choices:
                1.  You deny your child's gender identity, and you guarantee nothing but pain in more ways than you care to know.
                2.  You accept your child's gender identity, and help him to be the best he can be, so that he can find the strength to live his life in spite of the haters and bigots.  

    Somewhere among the many discussion here, a former member posted that she told her mother she (the mother) had a choice - she could have a dead daughter, or a living daughter.  In other words, dead or alive, the member was a [trans] woman, and not a man.  The mother just had to decide which she preferred.

    If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to.  Being trans is serious. 

    David Michael


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  3. Hey, Dad...I am very glad to see you return.  I was just about to give up on ya when I signed in this evening and discovered all the activity on your blog entry.  I can only imagine how difficult this might be for you.  Keep in mind it may also be just as difficult for your child - it may not have occurred to you, but your pain is no doubt affecting [her] and making things difficult for [her] too, and may even be blaming [her]self.  Bad part about that is, [she's] done nothing wrong to take the blame for.  No one has - meaning, not even you and your wife as parents.  Has nothing to do with your parenting.   We are, what we are.

    NOTE:  In case you are wondering -- I've chosen to not refer to your child as male (out of respect for you for now), but if your child IS trans, I don't want to blantantly refer to [her] as if [she] were a cisgender female, and is why I have been putting terms like "she" and "her" in brackets [].  I use the bracketed terms as, "for lack of a better term."

    "While I understand that you believe you are transgender..."
    Just as you know in your heart, your very soul, what you are, so do trans people.  While we know no other existence, the discord is stressful and affects nearly every aspect of our lives.  

    "...has this decision to live this way really made your lives better?"
    There are many trans people who have successfully transitioned and live a happy life.  But whether one transitions or not, s/he is still transgender.  True enough that not all people are happy after they transition - the reasons are varied, and not always transition related.  But it seems across the board, that no one is happy untransitioned.  It's difficult to go thru life having to put on an act.  Pretending to be something/someone you are not and to constantly have to tolerate being treated as something/someone you are not.     

    "If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to.  I am asking serious questions."
    Part of the reason for the existence of this board is not only to have a place to support each other, but to support people like you, too.  We realize that this is difficult.  Callous and unfeeling comes into play when a person flatly refuses to even try to understand, or to accept - whether they understand or not.  'Cause, let's be honest, unless you yourself harbour some issue with gender, a cisgender person can NEVER fully understand what it's like to be trans - just like we can never know what it's really like to be cisgender.  But you can learn to accept.  You can realize that male or female, this is your child... and learning that your child is not the gender you expected does not make that child suddenly a different person.   Believe me, we can tell the difference in intentional callousness borne of bigotry or hate, and the mis-steps and grappling of someone looking for help and answers, someone who wants to learn.

    As for binding...I recommend extreme caution in using anything adhesive-backed.  Also, avoid Ace bandage at all costs - it can cause irreversible damage and injury not only externally, but also internally.  If you are going to allow your child to start binding now, and especially in light of the fact that you have indicated that [she] is exhibiting distress in development, I highly suggest you look into a proper binder.    I personally use this one, but there are several models and it may take trying a couple before your child finds one that is suitable and performs satisfactorily.


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  4. "Girl haircuts and clothing are the only choices and that if this is what she wants to choose when she is 18, then I can't stop her."  -- Jeff

    And if [she] IS transgender, and doesn't make it to 18?  What then?  Will you be happy?  The suicide rate for transgender people is disproportionately and sickenly higher than in any other group.  Not trying to scare you or make you feel bad... I just think there's a bigger picture you need to be consider rather than your own misplaced pain.

    If [she] IS transgender, by 18, the poison of estrogen will have widened [her] hips, put fat where [she] will not want it, and put breasts on [her] chest...which [she] will no doubt despise and be disgusted by.

    You will find all the documentation you want that debunks the existence transsexuality... doesn't make it factual.  Just bolsters what you choose to believe.  For now, the only proof it actually exists is differences in the brain - but that can only be discovered after one is dead.

    If [she] IS transgender, [she] is NOT mentally ill... as are none of the rest of us.  Only a competent mental health professional will be able to help you all - and [her] - determine if [she] is indeed trans, or just suffering the hellish trials of growing up.  I was at least heartened to learn that you are getting counselling for your son... he has learned this unacceptance by those around him.  Hopefully he is still young enough to learn and realize that homophobia and transphobia is not pretty, and that GLBT people are no different than straight and cisgender (non-transgender) people.

    If [she] IS transgender, this is just as hard on [her] as on you... if not more so.  But any hardship [she] may be enduring is not of [her] making... but of the society around [her] that villifies people like us for no good or logical reasons.

    I wish all of you - but especially your child - good luck.


    P.S.  I would recommend that you consider checking out the Transgender Children & Youth forum.  And even the FTM Discussion forum

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  5. Some believe all friendships must be face-to-face relationships, and that online relationships cannot be formed, do not exist, or are fake.  And I'm going to say that most of the people who feel that way are, "of a certain age" or older.  I think it is people from older generations who think online relationships are empty.

    When I was younger, and long before the internet, some people had "pen pals."    Since I have no kids, I cannot say whether pen pals is a thing anymore or not.  Some people have had life-long pen pals, and have never met in person.   In order for such relationships to last, I would think that the people involved would have had to become friends of some sort.

    Today, we have the internet.  I see this as being no different than exchanging letters with someone.  And in fact, I believe friendships formed prior to any face-to-face meeting (IF one ever occurs) can sometimes form quickly and be stronger, because in some cases, the people involved get to actually know the person - not what they look like or where they come from.  For many, if not most or all, the possibility of relationships are too often determined/decided on what a person looks like.  I believe that most people will never know how many truly good, close, and potentially life-time friendships they could have had simply because they ignored someone (in "real time") because of what they looked like.

    As for it being lonely at the top... I think it depends on the people involved.  

    CO-WORKERS (or more precisely, former co-workers)
    If a person's friends are also co-workers, then yeah, I agree - those friends will dwindle and fall away as a person's career advances.  I can say this from experience -  I retired as a supervisor.  While the experience was good, if I had to do it over, I think I would not again go after a supervisory position. Quite often, the higher up the food chain, the less you are trusted.  Employees also have a tendancy to be unsure what they should or shouldn't say in your presence.  Some employess may believe that they no longer have anything in common with their former co-worker.  There are probably a list of reason as long as you arm as to why a person loses co-worker friends once that person becomes a part of management.  The old friends are sometimes replaced by those in same/similar/comparable positions.  And then of course... some companies discourage friendships between certain positions.  

    However, I don't see why a person would lose that many friends when those friends have nothing to do with the company/business where you work.  Though I'm sure it's possible there's alway the one that harbours the same kinds of attitudes as a co-worker.  But I would think such people would be encountered less.


  6. Being a moderator just means we have to set an example, as in following the rules... stuff like that.  Doesn't mean we can't hurt, and come looking for someone to lean on.  The way I see it... our hurts and heartache ain't all our fault.  And it never will be until society changes for the better.

    Big hugs to you, Emma.  I'm glad you're feeling better. 


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  7. Hello TransFormation... and welcome to TG Guide.

    I'm usually pretty bad about welcoming new members - thank god the women around here take up the slack in that department.   But on occasion, a new member will come in with something that reels me in.

    This is a very open and welcoming board - mind you, it is not restricted to only those who are transgender or intersex.  Instead, we fly just about every flag imaginable - including the flags that cisgender and gay people walk under.  We include family, friend, ally and on occasion have even tolerated foe if it meant exposing truth, or trying to share enlightenment.  There has even been one member who was not trans, whom we later decided was simply using this board as a testing ground for a novel or something.

    All that said, I have to admit that I don't always read blog entries either.  Once again, I must be humbly and ever so grateful for some of the insatiable readers that roam these halls.  A person has to come up with a pretty catchy blog title for me to put on the brakes and stop in for a while and check things out.  I hope you take no offense as none is intended, but your username and Jackie Gleason-like proclamation caught my eye.

    Now to the meat of my introduction:

    1.  About half your entry is all about making sure we know you will give up no details about the woman of whom you speak.  I commend you on your respect to her status as trans.  I hope you will soon come to learn that respecting one's identity is the number one rule among trans and [and usually] among gay people.  We do not out anyone, and those who do become a kind of pariah.  What one chooses to share with us is wholey up to the individual.  We, of all people, on such a site, need no such castigation.
    2.  Perhaps in time you will learn that it's really not necessary to announce your sexual preference/orientation.  Before reading, "I am heterosexual," I had already assumed as much.  As a rule, the only people who assume they will be perceived as gay are those who harbour homophobic tendancies, and/or do not believe/respect 100% that a trans woman is a woman, or that a trans man is a man.
    3.  In that despite your privileged status as a straight, white man, you apparently ARE subjected to some degree of unacceptance - a Frenchman who is percieved to have turned his back on his people, his culture, his heritage in being English-educated.  Magnify whatever slights you have noted by 1,000 times, and you will then understand the great degree of unacceptance we endure 24/7/365.  I believe if you endured that level of unacceptance, your blog entry would no doubt have a very different tone.  Or at least reason for existence.
    4.  You are either clairvoyant or highly presumptuous in stating that no one here has ever heard of your books let alone read them, or never seen your blog.  I wonder why you believe this.  Do you believe trans people to be less intelligent?  Perhaps we cannot afford your books?  Have you determined what we are or are not interested in?
    5.  I'm not a woman....and I can't help but think I have an idea why she left you - the writing is, on the wall so-to-speak.  Just above, in your blog entry.  The answers are all there the way I see it.  My apologies in advance if I am being presumptuous.  Or wrong.  I've been known to find my own foot in my own mouth.
    6.  Or are you another come here looking for more fodder to fuel the writing juices?  After all, you do so bluntly comment how low readership is on this board.  Makes me wonder why you are REALLY here...


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  8. Hi CTF, and welcome to TGG.

    I was about to toss out a barrage of questions and comments... but the ladies have pretty much covered everything.

    I would add a couple more things for you to consider -  part of your therapist's job is to help you transition into society as the man you identify as.  I would be curious to know how she is being helpful to you, when she herself is not recognizing you as a man.

    It seems to me, based on what you've related, she is just flat ignoring your identity.  I don't know what it means when you say your therapist is a contractural therapist, but I would think there would be some guidelines and ethics she is bound to follow and uphold.

    If your therapist can't start using your preferred pronouns and chosen name... you should definitely find another.  I realize the number of sessions you are allowed is limited, but I would think a limited time with a decent therapist would far out-weigh a full course with one who could potentially be damaging to your self-confidence, self-esteem, and identity by her refusal to respect you.


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  9. Hiya Monica -

    So much great input by two people.  Bree and Emma have said a lot of the things I was thinking and intended to comment on.

    But I gotta add to the "gassy."  Yes, we are all gassy.  As Bree said... it's a by-product of digestion - there's no getting around it.  Well... maybe with a little Gas-X :lol:    But considering we are all four fairly close in age, we each know that such concerns are a result of primarily your mum and other female relatives hammering into your head what nice girls and women do and and don't do.  No doubt one of them made it plainly clear more than once that 'only men do disgusting things like fart.'  This kind of up-bringing applies to and has affected other alleged short-comings a person carries around with them.

    That said... I see a lot of your concerns as a product of the era in which we were raised.  There were so many things that women weren't supposed to speak of, or even think about.  Men weren't supposed to know certain things about women.  Now, one would think that logically, as a lesbian, a woman wouldn't worry about things like being gassy - she's not trying to keep a man from knowing she farts too.  Both of you are in the Women's Secrets Club.  But because so many that were raised during the mid and late 50s thru the early to mid 70s (commonly known as baby boomers) were continually bombarded with all of what society expected of them...these things that were drilled into us are hard to escape.  And it is some of those things that affect our relationships.

    As far as long- or short-term relationships are concerned and natural human imperfections notwithstanding, I dare say that religion, primarily Christianity, has played a big part in villifying short-term relationships - especially for women.

    I think we can probably all think of reasons why someone else would not want us.  And the list of advantages for short-term relationships makes a little sense.  But I don't think that list should be used to draw a line in the sand.  One of those short-terms could end up being a long-term - if you let it.  You never know where that long-termer will come from.  No matter what age you are.


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  10. TG Guide has been my "home away from home" also.  It's very rare that I don't sign in.  And yes, I feel bonds with people here too.  It is comforting to know that I can come here and read posts and makes post knowing that most everyone here understands most everyone else.  There is little judgementalness, and there is always someone with an encouraging word, or a sympathetic word.

    Ooh... and nail polish does not the woman make.  That's in your heart.  The polish is just so much window dressing  ;)


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  11. Thank you ladies.  Loneliness does indeed touch us all at times...but it's a little easier to shoulder when there are people like you all around.  Maybe if I had been here on TG Guide back then, that poem might never have been written.  I've considered TG Guide like a haven online.  I was "sheltered" so to speak by the woman who invited me here from another transgender site.  Over time, she has faded into the background, but not before I learned from her how to moderate.  She doesn't come around so often anymore...in fact, very rarely.  Over time it's people like you all who have filled the void.  As I'm sure you all know, acceptance means nearly everything, and for the most part, I have always felt accepted as the man that life outside of this forum doesn't even know exists.

    "Never had I seen such a touching poem about loneliness by a man!"  -Monica
    LOL... I guess it doesn't matter if a guy is transgender or cisgender, too many of us have a tendancy to keep things bottled up.  I never realized it, but my g/f has addressed this with me on several occasions, and even my own brother has expressed a concern about it.  But I guess every once in a while if the moon and stars are lined up just right, that bottle gets opened up, and all kinds of stuff comes pouring out. 

    Love all of ya's
    - Michael

    • Like 5

  12. I'm not sure how people see me either.  I can only guess based on how they do or don't look (stare) at me.   I think I've mentioned recently that it seems men don't even notice me for the most part.  I dunno if it's because in passing they just see (or think me to be) another guy, or if they see me as a female that's "not much to look at."

    Women, on the other hand, do notice me.  There is an age group that has no problem in just straight up staring at me in a disapproving manner - the look on their faces bordering on disgust.  But every once in a while, there will be a woman cut me a glance that clearly indicates she likes what she sees.  Most often though, that happens when I am in a vehicle... :lol:

    I did try to be like women.  Make-up, jewelry, curls and smells.  Until I just couldn't do it anymore.  I was always nervous.  And of course being nervous made me sweat more than I already did.  After I started wearing men's clothes from shoes to shirts and everything in between outerwear to underwear, I realized that the female trappings are what caused me to always feel nervous - I was uncomfortable, self-conscious, unsure of myself, never felt like I measured up.  I always felt like people could see my vulnerability.  I'm sure that added to making me nervous.  I hated going to salons, and so I too often cut my own hair.  In salons, I felt naked.  I felt like the women around me were able to visually completely strip me of the facade I presented, and then glare at me because they knew I wasn't supposed to be there, and I was invading one of their sacred places of womanhood.

    As for the binder and STP... I have to agree that those two items might cater to the psychological.  I only know that I feel better in a binder and packing.  When not packing, my jeans don't feel like they fit right.  And then of course, that feeling of something missing is distressing.  That feeling is reminiscent of when I tried to dress and act like women do, and because of that, I rarely go out without it even though I'm the only one knows that it's there.


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  13. After I reached a certain age, it occurred to me that I favoured my dad some.  But it was shortly after my dad died that my mother apparently began to realize that things like my hands and feet resemble my dad's, and some of my mannerisms and body language are like his.  I really never noticed that my hands looked like his until I had made a vid to send to my brother.  In the vid, only the item I was talking about and my hands were in the scene.  When I reviewed the vid before sending it to him, I noticed for the first time that my hands, and the way I use them, do indeed look exactly like my dad's hands.  You would think that something like that would not be a surprise since we all see ourselves in mirrors and reflective surfaces all the time - I can't figure what makes the difference, but try it.  Needless to say, it made me very happy to know that I was more like my dad than like my mother or any other female in the family.

    Congrats on the "T"

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  14. Ya know... I can't help but wonder why they are calling your top surgery as a male, cosmetic.  Do they turn down genetic males with gynocomastia, classifying it as cosmetic?  Are genetic males being forced to live with female-like baggage on their chests?  If not, then you might have an argument.   But then... if you have to be female to get even a reduction, why didn't they approve it before?  Or did they not approve it because they had perhaps already gotten wind of it being trans-related?  That thought came to mind some time back when you said you had once again been turned down.


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  15. Ya know... sometimes, I can't help but wonder if the GIC intentionally drags out these initial appointment dates.  For one thing, there is nothing that I'm aware of in the SOC that indicate a person must endure a one or two year RL test BEFORE they can even get on hormones - which from my understanding, that is what will happen once you do get in and get evaluated.  It's almost as if the system there has formulated their own rules intended to make it as difficult as possible for the person, which seem to be about as inhumane and barbaric as the SOC were 50 or so years ago.  The GIC can't be seeing THAT many trans people - after all, we are allegedly such a minority.  And a minuscule one, at that.  And I realize that the SOC are simply intended to be a guideline for care, but I fail to understand why they can't follow those guidelines a little more closely rather than making patients suffer.

    It's disheartening that you had to deal with the insensatively intrusive questionaire, but hopefully going with a private doctor will turn out to be the better of the two evils.  And a quicker route to where you need to be.


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  16. I don't mean to exacerbate the seriousness of this issue, but I think perhaps you should not take it so lightly.

    You said, "... I'm open about my gender and was expecting death threats, not rape threats.  Now that is indicative to me that I'm sexy and they know and want me but are scared of what people around them might say."

    Rape has nothing to do with whether or not a person is sexy - rape victims come in all ages, sizes, colours, rich, poor, pretty, not so pretty, skinny, fat, and any- and everything in between.  Rape is about power.  It is meant to show the victim who has the power, who is in charge.  It is meant to dehumanize and degrade the victim.

    If a male officer had it in mind to rape you, and sees you as a woman, it is to show you that you are less than he is - not that you are sexy.   If he sees you as gay, or as a "man who wants to be a woman," it would more than likely be to show you "what it's like to be a woman" in his sick, and male-entitled mind.

    I would be just as wary of those who spout "sexual threats" as those who might spout threats of other physical harm.  


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  17. I would think that if your g/f felt the need to tell you that she would accept you, and remain with you, perhaps any time that you are ready to tell her would be okay.  But that is just a supposition, and none of us really knows how any person will react when we come out to them.

    I told no one until I was 47.  One of the people I told was my brother.  Chances are, I could have told him MANY years before, as his response to me was, "you never felt like a sister to me."  Turns out that while he had no name for it, or understanding of it when we were young, he was aware that I was different from "other girls."  We were always very close, and after coming out to him, he said it always seemed that I was more like a brother would be. 


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