MonicaPz

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Everything posted by MonicaPz

  1. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Ho-hum   

    Dear Chrissy,
    Think Widow to Widow was referring to INCAPACITATING grief.
    Still have moments of grief over losing my parents.
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  2. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Ignorance on Display   

    Dear Friends,
    Just because you have known a person for a long time, doesn't mean they will grow parallel to you.  
    Emma, I hate to say this, but this man hasn't grown much since the first grade when you knew him.  By the way, education does not always imply maturity.
    When I attended my 10 year high school reunion, I was amazed that those who attended looked and acted as if they graduated YESTERDAY.  Asked to be taken off the mailing list!
    When I moved to Dutchess County, I reunited with a friend of mine from high school and I wondered why I was ever friends with her.  She did not look or act like she had grown at all, and she and I had graduated 40 years ago!
    My youngest brother, he claimed he did not recognize me on an emotional or physical level in the ten years we were out of touch.  Took this as a compliment!  
    The upshot is that we all grow at different rates and directions.  Even if we compare ourselves to ourselves, every ten years every cell in our body is replaced, and if we are growing at a healthy pace, we should show significant differences every ten years.  Even when I look at myself from six months ago, a year ago or two years ago, I see significant change in myself.
    By the way, that man was just plain RUDE!
    Your friend,
    Monica
     
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  3. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Ho-hum   

    Dear MichelleLea, Emma and Chrissy,
    When my mother lost my father due to heart disease, she joined an organization called, "Widow to Widow," which was free, run by a woman psychologist.  My mother got a lot out of it, but the greatest thing she got out of it was that the grieving period should last no more than two years.  This is the point that the widow should clear out and give to charity the unusable property of the deceased partner.  The psychologist said it was unhealthy to grieve beyond two years, and that the survivor should get counseling.
    Hope this helps.
    Your friend,
    Monica
     
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  4. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Feminist Group event   

    Dear Chrissy,
    Strongly feel that transwomen are "real" women, and those that identify as Lesbian are "real" Lesbians, as well as those that are Straight women.  Have always looked in between the ears ("character counts").
    This also goes for transmen.  
    Want to emphasize I feel this way both about pre-op and post-op, pre-hormones and post hormones.
    Somehow, I can sense the gender and sexual orientation ("gaydar") energy of people, and beyond, the beyond I can not discuss here, as that would require a book!
    Have to accept that some others do not have this capability, and they have a lot of confusion about it.
    Just wished that people who do not understand something, did not feel the need to be hostile about it, but just accept that they do not understand it at this place and time.  By the way, there are many things I do not understand, and I accept these things as things I do not understand yet.  Hope that makes sense!
    Your friend,
    Monica
     
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  5. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry New B   

    Dear MichelleLea,
    My heart and prayers are with you.  I KNOW you can do it!
    Selling insurance is a challenge because you are selling PEACE OF MIND, and it is an abstract concept rather than a concrete object.
    Am cheering for you!
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  6. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Closets   

    Dear MichelleLea, Emma and Chrissy,
    Usually "mother of the bride" gowns are great women's formal wear that is appropriate for ball room/formal affairs.
    Is there a chance you could photograph yourself in it and upload a picture of yourself in it?
    Your friend,
    Monica
    • 1
  7. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Two year anniversary coming up   

    Dear Karen,
    The jacket probably had an interim discount. You look great!
    Also, you seem to have great friends!
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  8. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Transgender "Community"   

    Dear Chrissy,
    Interesting that you bring that up, as I am giving a talk about "community," at Fantasia Fair in two weeks.
    As a cisgender Lesbian, I watched the Lesbian community become absorbed by the community at large (assimilated). Feel strongly this disempowered the Lesbian community, as evidenced by the disappearance of Lesbian bookstores.
    Sadly, I have to seek community by attending transgender support groups and conferences. Am very grateful for the outreach of the transgender community.
    In Florida, as well as in New York, I have observed some people who transitioned, leave the group. Feel the group's job is to empower people to go on to the next step in their lives. Hopefully they keep the friends they made in the group. Don't think it is healthy to remain in any kind of support group for a lifetime as this shows the person made little or no growth.
    What concerns me is when there are no support groups when people need them the most. Feel that people need face to face support and that online support should be secondary to face to face support.
    When I moved to trans and homophobic upstate New York, I am grateful to find a welcoming transgender support and conference group.
    Why am I not in a Lesbian in a transgender support group? There is none convenient to where I live (I do not drive). I find support wherever I can find it!
    Thank you, my dear friends in TGGuide and Fantasia Fair, for being there for me when I most needed it. Will always be grateful for your friendship!
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  9. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Next project   

    Dear MichelleLea and Chrissy,
    In Oldsmar, Florida, which was right on the water, in Tampa Bay, Florida, many of the houses were built on filings as tall as 12 feet high.
    Am getting ready to attend Fantasia Fair, and many of the women are encouraging me to invest in two ball gowns, even though I am a mid-butcher Lesbian that doesn't even have a dress or skirt to her name.
    Am trying to put together outfits suitable for two formal occasions appropriate for a mid-butcher Lesbian!
    Monica
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  10. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry caring   

    Dear Kitrah and Emma,
    Think it is so essential to find kind, supportive and knowledgeable people for your inner circle.  Part of it is to have a circle of acquaintances and listen carefully to their comments and observe how they treat others, before considering them as friends.
    Some areas (like upstate NY), you can be acquaintances for years, even decades, and not find friends.  
    On the other hand, I have been in areas where people were very friendly very quickly, without taking the time to get to know you, and for you to get to know them, and often these people turned out to be scammers.
    Yours truly,
    Monica
     
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  11. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Fear Adapting and Idenity   

    Friends,
    Please look down to the bottom of the page, as my comment is there, for some reason.
    Monica
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  12. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Fear Adapting and Idenity   

     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Dear Kitrah, Chrissy and Emma,
    Feel that a person should be able to dress as they want (within modesty limits determined by the community) as long as that person is not trying to commit fraud, such as a person who is trying to impersonate a police officer.  Once I lived in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood, and I wore a sleeveless blouse (during very warm weather) and they let me know about it very quickly.
    It takes time to "find your voice" in how you dress, and yes, this will change as you age and grow.  For example, what was appropriate when you were a teenage will no longer be appropriate in your senior years.  
    Agree with Emma, that finding a face to face support network is essential, and sometimes this requires you to move to a more cosmopolitan community, as some areas are very T/LGB - phobic.  
    Also, I agree with Emma that TGGuide is a very supportive and safe community.  It is a good start and foundation, but people should be actively seeking face to face support, even if they have to travel to find it.  Presently I am exploring transgender conferences and support groups with this in mind.  In my case, Lesbian support is almost non-existent and T/LGB Centers are far away from where I live and have limited resources.
    Will let you know about my experience with Fantasia Fair and the Mid - Hudson Valley Transgender Support Group.
    Yours truly,
    Monica
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
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  13. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Dressing   

    Dear MichelleLea, Emma, Chrissy and Karen,
    Am a big believer in letting nothing go to waste.  Every Spring and Fall, I do a deep clean, and I try on all my clothes.  Anything that doesn't fit, I promptly give away.  Don't wait to "grow into or out of" anything, anticipating a weight gain or loss, because by that time, there might be a stain or stains forming because of long'term storage.  My mother taught me this, may God rest her soul.  She really knew how to take care of her clothes.  She used tissue sheets in between her better bras, panties and slips in her dresser drawers to keep the wrinkles out.  She did this from when she was young to her old age, and did not slack off when she got married.  My mother dressed beautifully, and made sure her husband (my father) did, too.  One of my best memories was when they went square dancing, especially during the holidays.  Wish I had pictures to prove it!
    About shoes - I recall my roommate had FIFTY pairs of shoes.  I used only 12 inches of the closet (hanger and floor space), while she used the rest!
    Thank you for donating your unused clothing, as I do, too!
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  14. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Flowering   

    Dear MichelleLea,
    Concerning wigs and hairpieces, be aware that ONE THIRD of cisgender women wear them!
    Monica
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  15. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Working   

    Dear MichelleLea,
    Just finished my research for transgender resources in Broward County and found that they all are "for profit."
    If anyone knows of non-profit transgender support in Broward County, please let MichelleLea and I know.
    Please check the resources I gave you, and, if they don't know, ask them for a referral.  Sometimes it takes one person referring to another person, and that person referring to a third person, etc.
    Things have changed in the 15 years since I lived in Tampa Bay, but I still think they are worth the trip!
    Orlando has some outstanding transgender support and social groups, and if you are interested, let me know.
    Your friend,
    Monica
    • 1
  16. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Working   

    Dear MichelleLea,
    You may want to check these out:
    Trans*Talk St. Pete
    MTF Group:  2nd Wednesday of the month
    7 - 8:30 P.M.
    Tel:  727-321-3854 (call for address and directions)
     
    Coffee & "T"
    LGBT Welcome Center
    2nd and 4th Thursday of the month
    6 - 8 P.M.
    LGBT Welcome Center
    2227 Central Ave.
    St. Petersburg, Florida
    727-201-4925
    Will research resources in Broward County soon.
    Yours truly,
    Monica
     
     
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  17. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Working   

    Dear MichelleLea,
    First, please accept my condolences on the loss of your wife.  Let me assure you that she very likely was attracted to your gentle feminine energy, although she may not have been conscious of that.  
    Second, until 15 years ago, I used to live in Tampa Bay, Florida, for 35 years.  As recently as a few years ago, I know they had a very trans-friendly Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), one of the 10 largest in the world (taking up an entire city block) on U.S. 19 and Central Avenue in St. Petersburg, Florida.  
    Also, there is a cross dresser support group and transsexual support group (yes, they not only get along but enjoy each other's company!), meeting monthly in St. Petersburg, Florida.  There is also a social group that welcomes BOTH transsexuals AND cross dressers, and they have wonderful activities monthly, such as going to the mall, followed by dining out, etc.
    There is a transsexual support group that meets monthly in Clearwater, Florida.
    Will try to get you some contacts within the week.
    Your friend,
    Monica
    • 1
  18. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry A work in progress   

    Dear MichelleLea,
    If I may throw in my two cents here, please be careful to use quality cosmetics, as I fear you may develop an allergy to them.
    Don't know why, I have developed an allergy to ALL cosmetics, including the highest quality cosmetics, except for lipstick, (I get angry red hives all over my face), as well as I am allergic to hair coloring and perming solution (I can't enter most hair salons from the odor).
    When I was in Tampa Bay, Florida, after or before the support group meetings, we would have a "girls' night out," where we would go to the mall and have makeup applied as well as get instruction on how to properly apply makeup.  
    Tampa Bay (Clearwater, St. Petersburg and Tampa) had such a T/LGB friendly community you could literally go to a support group once a week if you wanted to!  Am sure it is still the same way today.
    Many of the transgender conferences offer free seminars and classes about how to use makeup, dress, and female deportment.  If you can make one of these, you will find it well worth your while.
    As for clothing, thrift stores a good bet, some being better than others.
    There are two wonderful women's clothing catalogs that I highly recommend:
    http://www.roamans.com
    http://www.womanwithin.com
    On our home page, if you look for "Resources" on the header, there will be a drop-down that you can click on that will list all the transgender support groups in the U.S. and even overseas.  You should be no more than a couple of hours drive from your nearest transgender support group.
    Your friend,
    Monica
     
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  19. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Typical Saturday--mostly   

    Dear MichelleLea,
    Have found as I got older, starting in my 50's, that I get up about 3 AM to use the bathroom.  Almost always, once I get up, I "putter around," doing small chores and prepping for the morning, Sometimes I watch television for an hour or so instead, or in addition, then I go back to bed.  
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  20. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Housekeeping   

    Dear MichelleLea and Bree,
    About my housekeeping . . . I am very clean due to severe allergies.  If I acquire a stain and can change my clothes, I do so, as I attempt to treat the stain as soon as possible with liquid Tide (any type) directly on the stain, which almost always come out in the wash.  
    Do a "deep clean" once a week with the help of my home attendant, where we work side by side.
    Must confess I "cheat" and wear my socks, shorts/pants and shirt/blouse several days in a row unless I acquire a stain or perspire heavily and/or acquire an odor.
    As for women's cleanliness and frequency of changing clothes, from the point of view of a cisgender mid-butch Lesbian, who has been around many Straight and Lesbian women, this is a very individual thing, but, in general, feminine women are cleaner and change their clothes more often (according to the occasion).
    When I was in my relationship of ten years, we were friends with three other couples, and the fems couldn't wait to get to work on helping their butches with the diet, cleanliness and fashion!
    Yours truly,
    Monica
     
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  21. MonicaPz added a post in a topic Mental Health Professionals   

    Dear Chrissy and Emma,
    Have been in therapy for various reasons off and on in my life, (not gender related) both face to face and through the telephone.  
    Prefer face to face, but if I can't find a good therapist locally, which often happens in small towns, then I resort to therapy on the telephone, which I find just as good.
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  22. MonicaPz added a blog entry in MonicaPz's Blog   

    Is There A Place For Short-Term Relationships?
    All my life I sought a life-long relationship, and, yes, I found true love for ten years, (in my forties), only to lose it for my refusal to marry her (back then, a Holy Union), for fear of losing my Disability benefits and bankrupting her as a result.
    As I approach my 60's, I realize I have become more complex, because of all the life experience I have been through, making it more difficult for me to find someone with whom I am compatible.  What brought this home to me was my experience with four Lesbian dating websites, (from my mid-fifties to the present), where the women my age (59) were more complicated and had more complex demands on a potential partner.
    Slowly, it gradually occurred to me, that if I didn't find an alternative way of looking at love and companionship, that very likely I would remain single and have no romantic love and companionship for the rest of my life.
    Gradually, I realized serial brief relationships (with the possibility of a relationship growing into a friendship or even a long-term relationship) would be a lot more realistic.  
    Here are my reasons:
    WHY IT'S BEST I LIVE ALONE
    Am set in my ways.Needs to use the bathroom on short notice.Gassy.Terrible odor when I use the bathroom.Never shared my living space (not even with my lover of 10 years).Can not share my apartment and finances due to being on Disability.Needs to live in HUD Public Housing (if anyone wanted to live with me, they, too, would have to be "very low income," too).Allergic to horses, dogs, cats and birds (most Lesbians not only have cats and dogs, but sleep with their pets).Am actually happy with my apartment (and I am unlikely to find as good an apartment - especially HUD Housing - anywhere).Only negative where I live is some residents in Beacon and many residents of my apartment complex, I don't like.  Avoid them and save money to take trips every three or four months.Love my building.Management treats me humanely.Maintenance treats me humanely, and does an efficient and thorough job maintaining and cleaning the building as well as making repairs in my apartment. (Most HUD Public Housing properties are poorly maintained.)Very low crime rate where I live.  (The lowest crime rate I have every seen at a HUD Public Housing property I have ever seen.)​Here are what I think are the advantages of short-term relationships:
    The Advantages of Short-Term Relationships
    Due to very low income (some would call this a "budget income," I can not relocate quickly to continue dating a woman (in order to avoid a "U-Haul" situation where I would move in with her, and hope for the best!)Most women do not qualify (very low income) and are uncomfortable dating a woman who lives in HUD Public Housing, especially if it is poorly maintained and is in a dangerous neighborhood.Able to enjoy the relationship before the drama and games begin.Can't find a woman locally to me because of homophobia where I live.  (Most women are already coupled before they move here.)Both parties should be single out of respect for other relationships and for themselves.Sex is not the primary reason for such a relationship, but companionship.​Of course, there are many other reasons people may choose short-term relationships rather than long-term or lifelong relationships.
    Would like to hear from others if they resonate with this in their own lives (especially if they are 60 +) and how realistic they think this is.
    Am I selling myself short?  Or am I having realistic expectations for a 59 year old, average-looking woman, who is kind, compassionate, supportive and has many interests?
    Thank you in advance for your comments!

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  23. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Is There A Place For Short-Term Relationships?   

    Dear Stephani,
    Have grown a lot since being here on TGGuide.
    You and many others are my real friends.
    Thank you for being so supportive.
    Yours truly,
    Monica
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  24. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Happy Ending   

    Dear Charlotte,
    Chuckled watching a nice looking couple getting "slimed."  Would have given anything to be the "slimer."  LOL!
    Your friend,
    Monica
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  25. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Ups and Downs   

    Dear Charlotte and Emma,
    There have been some situations where people AT FIRST supported a transgendered person, but then changed their mind (probably under pressure from their family and friends).
    This has also happened to me as a Lesbian.
    Yours truly,
    Monica
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