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Hi Dee. Your entry made me smile. And I can see the happiness in your eyes. I dunno what else to say... except I hope all the best for you. You deserve it. -Michael

Ugh 😖 Shirley Temple was cuter than a ladybug on a daisy...no doubt. You and I being about the same age, I'm not surprised your Mum was looking for a "lookalike." I think a lot of mothers during that time frame wanted their own little Shirley Temple. I was actually taken to the salon when I was little where I was adorned with that classic Temple hair-do. My hair was blonde, I had a deep dimple in one cheek. The picture is cute...but I cringe everytime I have to see it!!

There are a few here that know my Mum is not accepting of my gender identity. Despite this, it was not until just a few years ago that I found she is (unfortunately) also NOT a fan of gay and lesbian people either. I guess I should have figured that in light of what she apparently thinks of transgender people. Now that everyone has some background... lemme share what happened just a few days ago. I took my Mum to an appointment she had last week. When we got there, we went to the front desk to sign in. I noticed right away that the reception area was brightly decorated with flag, banners, streamers and fans, all with the colours of the rainbow. It was the day before the first day of Pride Month. After checking in, we went into the waiting area and sat down. I had not realized it at the time, but my Mother was admiring the decorations. The following transpired. It's not verbatim, but it's pretty damn close. Mum: I wonder where they got all the colourful little flags...they're pretty. I would like one of them. Me: -- silence -- Mum: Is there a Mexican holiday today? Me: No. Mum: I wonder what all those little flags are for. Me: Nothing you would be interested in. NOTE: My Mum has had hearing aids for over 15 years now, but her hearing has degraded greatly in the last year or so Mum: You say, 'no?' Me: I said, 'nothing you would be interested in.' You are neither friend nor ally. Mum: What? Me: I said, 'your are neither friend nor ally.' At this point, I guess I was becoming exasperated. I also didn't want her to discover what the decorations were for while there for fear she would make some disparaging remark. We are talking about a woman who went, "yyyuCK," in a movie theater when during one scene, two men briefly but lovingly kiss each other on the lips. I think I stopped breathing momentarily, and I was hoping no one heard her while all along wishing the seat would just swallow me up. And just FYI, she did NOT whisper! Me: I'll explain to you after we leave here. Mum: Okay. Honestly, I was quite surprised that she let it drop just like that. Any other time she would have been asking me why I couldn't just tell her right then. Thankfully, she didn't. When her appointment was over, and we left the hospital, she did not bring it up despite the fact that we passed right by all those same decorations on the way out. I considered letting it go all together, and so, said nothing after we got into my truck. After we got back to the house, we went to the kitchen to fix a bite to eat - my Mum had not eaten anything since before her early morning appointment, and she was understandably hungry by the time we got back across town. Shortly after sitting down and beginning our meal, my Mum commented how nice the therapist was, and how gentle and encouraging she was. I nodded my agreement. Then the devil crawled up on my shoulder. I took the opportunity to bring up all those pretty little flags and colourful decorations, knowing full well (and steeling myself) that the topic could cause a disagreement. Me: Oh... you mentioned all the flags and decorations at the reception desk there at the hospital, and said you'd like to have one of the little flags - no, you would not. You are neither friend nor ally. Mum: Why? Me: They are for Pride Month. Mum: What? Me: The decorations are for Pride Month - tomorrow starts the first day of Pride Month. Mum: What's 'Pride Month?' Me: Nothing you are interested in... you are neither friend nor ally. Mum: Why? Me: It is the celebration for gay and trans people. Mum: Oh. Her response seemed to almost have a tone of disappointment. It would have been nice to have picked up on some small sign that her stance on such things is softening. However, I'm sure it's because she considered trying to find a little rainbow flag because she thought all the colours were so pretty... but now, had to abandon the idea because of what the little flag meant. She said no more about it.

"I Am Jazz." I've never watched the show. A few days ago, I saw a commercial for, I guess, the new season. Jazz mentions that she's gained a bit of weight. I glanced up at the TV and thought to myself, "she's grown into a pretty young lady." Sitting at the computer and drawing tonite, I took a minute to flip thru the on-screen TV guide to see if there was anything on better than what was on the current channel. I decided to check out TLC. I noticed that "I Am Jazz" was going to come on at the top of the hour, so I set that channel and went back to drawing while listening to the show that was on at the time. The episode was recapping her journey thru to bottom surgery. The episode also highlighted some of the bigotry and vile rhetoric that's been hurled at Jazz...some of which was laced with threats. It blew me away. I guess because she's a reality TV star, I wasn't expecting it. I guess that was pretty stupid on my part. None the less....it hurt. And of course, I can't begin to imagine what that does to her parents. For a moment, I debated whether I wanted to watch the rest of the show. I decided to stick with it. It would be nice to see how she fared with the surgery (that's how the episode tonite ended - with Jazz in surgery) since apparently there were several issues. It would be nice to see her happiness. But I dunno if I want to see more hate. Maybe with tonite's episode being a re-cap of sorts, the concentration of ignorance, insensitivity and transphobia was more than what would normally be in a regular episode. Least ways, that's sorta what I'm hoping is the case. I know things are changing. Slowly. But it's still clear that haters still teach their kids to be haters. There will alway be a new generation of haters. Though I've never really cared for most reality shows, I'd like to see some more of this one, more about Jazz - but not the other crap. We'll see......

The above posts came from the thread "International Journal of Transgenderism." I remember when the term "transgender" really got rooted in here at TGG. Years later, I found out the term was much older, having been coined back in the mid '70's, though if I recall correctly...it was not used as an "umbrella" under which everyone not straight and cisgender would gather. Instead, it was thought that the general public would be more accepting of a term that didn't include the word "sex," and in turn might keep people from being so adversely critical of us. There have been several discussions here about transsexual and transgender. Some even quite heated...but it was usually because there would be someone fly in here and try convince people that no matter one's gender identity, if you didn't transition, then you were "only transgender." Only "real" transsexuals transitioned. They considered themselves better than those who did not or even could not transition, and totally dismissed the fact that "transgender" was simply a catch-all kind of word. For some time, I fought against calling myself transgender because in my mind, there was nothing wrong with my gender... my gender identity. My mind, heart and soul weren't the problem. The problem was my physical sex, and therefore, I felt that transsexual was indeed the more appropriate term for anyone who identified as a gender that did not correspond with their physical sex. The way I saw it, and still do, nature screwed up my physical sex... not my gender. Quite often (and still pretty much today), I just use "trans." Trans women/men, trans people, etc. Ironically, today... if I do use a formal term, it's "transgender" ... because it doesn't sound so harsh. Sorta like the reason it came to be to begin with. Go figure!

Sassy-lookin' little style ya got goin' there! Very nice... 👍 🙂

"She did however say that if I ever walked in wearing a straw like cheap barbie style wig that she would disown me. Which seems fair enough." -- DeeDee You crack me up, Dee!!! 😄😄 Sounds like she's a great little sister.

"I literally "EEEEK'ed" in the car afterwards." -- DeeDee LOL... made me smile. I could image how excited and happy you were.

I had never heard of placing the hand on the edge of a table and creating that 90 degree angle. It seems to make the difference in ring finger length as compared to the index finger more pronounced. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Did you know? ---- Ring finger length is one of the reasons that a hate group was calling Michelle Obama a transsexual.

Congrats, Jessica. In reading this blog entry, I can only picture you smiling - you sound very happy. Glad all went well. Take care and all the best on the remainder of the healing process. -Michael

And part of it was because of how you were raised. Neither is an excuse, true enough. As a person gets older and begins to experience life, they should hopefully begin to see and understand any short-comings they might have been raised under, and work on change. In your case, you know that you were raised being taught to hate anyone who was different from yourself. You came to realize that that is wrong. THAT is why this incident bothers you - you learned. Not exactly the ideal way to learn, but learn you did that how you were raised was wrong and hurtful. You've also grown and realize that part of what you took out on another person, was the anger inside of yourself as a bi-sexual and transgender individual. But even that hate was taught and learned because our society cannot deal with diversity. You hated yourself because what you were being taught made you believe there was something wrong with you. And something occurred to me while reading the recent posts - the guy you beat up, could possibly be suffering his own self-loathing for being gay. Self-loathing that he learned to subject himself to because of society. It's possible that he's walked around all this time believing that he deserved that beating. A very sad thing to think, to consider. But it's possible. Could be he's also been hurting all this time for similar reasons as your own. -Mike

I agree with Monica...the man involved in the the encounter also has things he needs to work on. Understandably so, but now he must also grapple with the fact that you came to him, olive branch in hand. You took that first step - sort of like a substance abuser has to first admit they have a problem. You should now try to forgive yourself, and seriously consider Monica's suggestion that you volunteer with some sort of anti-hate group. You are on the path to healing this wound. Don't let the victim's inability to meet you in the middle, stop you. You can't make him accept your apology or forgive you. Besides healing yourself, all you can do is hope that one day he contacts you. If he doesn't, go on knowing you tried, and have since worked at doing the right thing. -Michael

Monica... no doubt ol' man Walton is constantly turning over in his grave in light of what his heirs have done to his store. MichelleLea.... thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed my story. -Mike

Snug fitting undergarments is the key.... and is why I don't wear boxers. Too much room for "error."

Hiya Ladies... All is well here... though all the events I shared are true, I thought I'd lace it all with a little humour. Some of this, despite the bad, ya just gotta laugh at occasionally. Watching some of the videos of the inventive ways people have employed to get thru lock-downs and shortages sort of inspired me to toss my adventures out there. I will say, however, I'm quite glad I checked out Walmart's grocery pick-up before all hell broke loose. I believe grocery pick-up and delivery helps greatly in avoiding crowds and thereby avoiding the virus. I've not been to Walmart yet since they've implemented policies on restricting numbers of customers, etc. And though there are a number of stores very close by and all have grocery delivery, I've not bothered with their services since I already had an online account with Wally World long before this all happened. As for the disinfecting wipes... I use them now primarily for when we do have to go out. For example, when I go to get gas, I like to use a wipe on the keypad at the pump, wipe the pump handle, wipe off my debit card and door handle to my truck. After I acquired the bleach, that's what I use to wipe down things in the house. Glad to hear that all of you have found ways to deal with this pre-vaccination life we've found ourselves in. Except for not being able to go out to eat occasionally... I think my Mum and I are doing okay. Stay safe, all of ya's. 😊

Some of you know that I came to Arizona the end of 2016 to be with my Mum. I really should have gotten an apartment when I got here... but that's another story. Fast-forward to 2020. Add the coronavirus. Add the heat - this place is like HELL!! .............::: deep breath ::: ::: shaking head ::: I really shouldn't complain much. Probably shouldn't complain at all. I'm retired, so I'm not one of the unlucky ones who's place of business or employment has closed and now I have no pay coming in. So far, both of us have avoided that damn virus. Maybe. But that's another story, too. However, I fear the stress of trying to keep COVID-19 out of this house and away from my Mother is gonna be what gets me! Really. After it was announced that the world was officially in the grip of a pandemic, I figured on my next grocery run I'd get us a couple cannisters of antibacterial wipes, maybe a can or two of Lysol spray. I never imagined that I would be able to get only one cannister of wipes (and NO spray). And I was lucky at that 'cause when I got my final order update from Wally World, it said the wipes (and the spray) were out of stock. Oh well... I wasn't worried. I'd get the spray and more wipes next time. Yeah. Right. But I didn't give up trying. One day, I went to take my Mum to the store. When we got back in my truck, she pulled this wee, little bottle of hand sanitizer out of her purse. She said in a frail but motherly voice, "here, wash your hands." I held out my hand and she squeezed a few drops out. She said, "this is all I have...I've been trying to make it last by adding a little alcohol to it." I figured on my next grocery run I'd get a couple bottles of hand sanitizer. I never imagined that I would be met with "out of stock." Oh well... I wasn't too worried. I'd get some next time. Yeah. Right. But I didn't give up trying. Then I went to get toilette paper. WTH??? I'm doin' the best I can with what wipes we have. I can't find any hand sanitizer and Lysol spray, and now you tell me there's no toilette paper? Meanwhile, it's sunk into my poor Mother's head that... there are no wipes anywhere. She's resorted to cutting the wipes we do have, in half! Oh well, this can't last. I'll get some toilette paper. Sooner or later. Sooner. Or later. And maybe some bleach. No antibacterial anything - wipes or spray. No hand sanitizer. I started plucking four, five and six of those wipes meant for wiping down your grocery cart when I'd go in a store. I'd use one or two for the cart and ball the others up and keep in my hand so that I'd have a few to wipe the door handle of my truck off, and my steering wheel when I'd get back to the house. ::: hangs head ::: COVID-19 has turned me into a thief! And still no damn toilette paper. One day, I had an idea. I'd scuttle off to the store at night when few were out and about to get a couple items - avoid people and get the things I've been looking for. I naively believed the store spent evenings (before closing) restocking shelves. I dashed in, grabbed a few wipes, hurried to the aisle of paper products. IT'S EMPTY. BARE. As in... NOTHING BUT DUST. I'm down to three rolls. WHERE'S THE PAPER? In a cold sweat, I ran to check the aisles for hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes. Nothing. Screw it...I'll just get some bleach. Bleach kills eh-ver-ree-THING. I had already bought a good spray bottle in the event I'd have to resort to bleach. I turned around to go to the other end of the aisle where the bleach is. Should be. Was. NOOOOOOOO!!!! Now I'm mad. What the hell's wrong with these people?? I went and got the milk and bread. I spotted eggs on the way to the register. By golly, I got a carton 'cause WallyWorld didn't have any! At least if I get that virus, I won't go down hungry. Maybe. Paid my tab and left. A week later, ran to the store one nite for my Mum...she wanted to make some bread that required buttermilk. Ran in, snagged some wipes, and hauled it toward the dairy cases. Found the buttermilk and cut across a few aisles towards the registers. WHOA!! There's some kinda paper down that aisle. Two packages. The ONLY thing on the shelf. It looked like toilette paper. Naw, couldn't be. No one's got any toilette paper. But, DAYUM, if that doesn't look like toilette paper. I headed down the aisle hoping no one would come in the aisle from the other direction - I'd hate to go to jail over toilette paper! As I got closer, I realized it WAS toilette paper. I couldn't believe it. For a fleeting second, I wondered if there was something wrong with these two lone packages...why were they here? I grabbed 'em both and made a mad dash for the registers. Finally. Toilette paper. I felt like I'd won something! Made another grocery order. Tried again to get hand sanitizer, antibacterial wipes, Lysol spray. No luck. Standing in the laundry room telling my Mother the store STILL has no wipes or other antibacterial cleaning supplies, no nothin'... the woman walks over to a cabinet and pulls down TWO CANS OF LYSOL SPRAY, and innocently asks me, "is this what you've been looking for?" The blood drained from my head so fast I nearly passed out. "How long have you had those?" "They've been up here a lonnnnnnnnnnng time." "I've been trying to keep that virus outta this house, and griping about not being able to find Lysol and wipes and bleach and stuff, and you've had these all along?" "I didn't know that's what you wanted." ....................:::::::::::::::::: silence :::::::::::::::::: In a timid voice, she says, "I'm sorry, you should have told me." "Have you not been listening to me?" "Yes." "I can't believe this." Several days later, I had to run to the store but it was daytime. As usual, I checked for antibacterial wipes, and spray and hand sanitizer. For a moment, I wondered if I was even looking in the right place for the hand sanitizer, but I wasn't gonna go wandering around looking. So I stopped a clerk and asked. Just so happened, some had just arrived, and she ran and got me two bottles. YES... another score! Who'da thunk something like hand sanitizer would make you so happy? I got back to the house and gleefully told my Mum that I'd returned with hand sanitizer, and told her to be sure and put it in her purse. She thanked me and said she would. A few more days went by. We'd run out of bread and milk. I told my Mum I'd run to the grocery store that nite. 7:40 PM rolled around and headed for the store. A lady was coming across the parking lot. She asked me if I was just going in... told her I was. She said, "hurry 'cause the store is about to close. And they have eggs!!" I thanked her, told her to have a good evening and to stay safe. I ran in, got the milk and bread, and figured what the heck - I'll get eggs too. Didn't bother to look for hand sanitizer or wipes or spray this trip. Just headed for the registers. But on the way, I spotted... BLEACH. Oh my god...there's some bleach!! I grabbed a bottle and headed for the registers almost feeling like I had something I wasn't supposed to have. Now I've got some bleach. The heck with the wipes and spray. Mr. Clorox and I will be good friends. Well, it's not really Clorox brand...it's some off-the-wall brand I never heard of and probably would never have bought a year ago. But we're gonna be good friends, none-the-less. Hell yeah. Twoooooooooo daysssssssssssss later.... I'm comin' thru the kitchen and happened to glance toward the sink. There's a bottle of hand sanitizer. It was NOT the hand sanitizer I just bought. Where'd this bottle of hand sanitizer come from? What else has my Mum got stashed in this house that we could be using to do battle against the virus?? I didn't even ask her about it...

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Awwwww, shucks.. ::: blushes profusely :::

Thank you, ladies, for your kind words and sharing the fact that you have experienced the same kinds of faux pas and can relate. The best part is, we have all learned... And continue to learn! ____________________________________________________ I may do that Monica. And I was very happy that we figured it out.

LOL...time flies, eh? It's good to know that cisgender is now in the dictionaries and an accepted word. I guess now for those who still don't like the word, they really will have to just "get over it" or forever stew in their anger.

Somewhere in one of my blog entries, I commented that to stop learning means you stop living because learning is a lifelong process. Last nite, I had been trying to help another member figure out how to apply what I soon discovered is called a "Feature Photo." It's the image you can apply to a specific blog entry (totally seperate from your blog banner image), which also shows up in the blog index page. After I figured it out and shared that info with the other member, I went thru my own blog like a kid in a candy store, creating and downloading images based on entry topics and applying them. While doing so, I also read a few of my old blog entries as some of them have been here a while collecting dust...LOL. As I read over some of those old blog entries, something jumped out at me, and I didn't like it. My use of the term "gays." It made me think of the fact that, so often, we (me included) have gently chastised some for calling trans people "transgenders," advised them of better terminology, and explained to them why some terms are unfavourable or demeaning. I also thought about the members of this board who are gay or lesbian, and wondered if my words had hurt them. It occurred to me that I can hardly "educate" people how to speak about or address trans people if I myself am guilty of doing basically the same thing by calling gay men/- people, "gays." I thought about going thru those blogs containing the word and editing to something more appropriate, but I changed my mind. I think I have grown...and just as we like to see positive changes in others, I decided I wanted others to see that I have grown and taken on positive changes. Therefore, for anyone who runs across any of my older blog entries that contain the word "gays" instead of something like gay men, or gay people, I apologize for having been not only insensative, but also ignorant. Continuing to learn not only means continuing to live, it also means continuing to improve. David Michael

ROFLMAO!! Michelle... your wife, Monica's Mum and my Mum musta all been cut from the same cloth. Like Monica's Mum, mine also IRONED. EVERY. THING. Sheets, towels, UNDERWEAR. EVERYthing! If it came out of the washer, it got ironed. I will admit though, that she stopped ironing sheets after she started buying "permanent press" sheets. I had decided it was just a woman thing until today when I read that Monica is content to fold or hang straight outta the dryer. I think because of my Mum (she made my brother and I iron occassionally), I hate to iron and will iron nothing except my button-up shirts. For some reason, I gotta have them looking neat, crisp and spiffy. 😊 Maybe a touch of OCD....

Change is still slow... a lot slower than we prefer to believe. I happened to be looking around another board this morning and was running down the General Transgender Discussion forum index page when I spotted a thread with the title, "Trans but still in the closet." The thread was created in April 2018. There were only eight replies to the thread to date. However, that thread had been viewed nearly 16,000 times. I can think of only a few reasons why the view count is so high: 1. Curiosity - why is the person [still] not out 2. General reading - individuals who just read every new thread/post 3. There are still a LOT of us, who, for whatever reasons, are still in the closet and went to that thread because they can relate Only one other thread comes anywhere near having as many views at just over 1,800. Obviously, 1,800 is not close, and this despite a thread title of "Need to talk." Talk about what? One would think that sheer curiosity would bump the view count way up there. This same board has an "adult" forum, and even in that area of the board, of the 36 threads, only two have more than 1,000 views. What's ironic is, despite the purpose of that particular forum, the two threads with the 1k+ views are NOT "adult-themed," but threads asking for [non-sexual] information. I am inclined to believe that the reason the view count is so high on that thread falls under #3 above. Bigotry, unacceptance, social stigma, fear, lack of access to appropriate/adequate medical care, anti-TGLBQ+ laws, lack of or absence of inclusive/acknowleging rights, etc., etc., etc.... still serves to keep so many of us in hiding. We can all rally 'round and proclaim there have been great strides accomplished in the name of change - perhaps to make us feel better. Fact is, those changes have come at the pace of a half-dead snail going uphill thru molasses in winter. To exacerbate the issue, there are forces whittling away at what few advances have been gained over the last few years. And let's not forget we have a vice-prez who is rabidly anti-TGLBQ. God (or whoever) help us if 45 is impeached or otherwise vacates the Whitehouse and the VP becomes top dog. You think dummy is hell-bent on a damn wall... yer white-haired, beady-eyed VP is hell-bent on converting everyone to straight cisgender christians. We STILL have a painfully LONG way to go. And at this point, I seriously doubt I will see in my lifetime SIGNIFICANT positive, beneficial change that allows for all people all along the gender spectrum to move freely and safely throughout society, with all the rights as any other person. -Michael