Jessicatoyou

Great thing to always feel young at heart; very important to like how you feel.😉

I know, I've had forty or fifty years to figure my style. But I'm way behind you in the one thing that counts! Maybe we'll catch up with each other at the same time. I never had as much before, that I purged, but one thing I'm sure of now is that these are keepers and the rest will follow🏆

Okay, jeans?...Love the sissyboys, but don't care for skinny jeans, my legs and thighs lost too much fat with my weight lose, and they really look skinny in skinny jeans. Still need butt and hip pads, can't wait till I won't! Have several jeans, very comfortable in warmer weather, and just knocking around. Have had too keep downsizing though; I won't buy more until I round out my body😉. Like to wear them with cotton camis, or sweaters or loose polos, and flats, sandals, or sneakers. Have several dress slacks, too, fit and look beautiful and go really well with Chelsea and Pintuck blouses, have about 10 of those, different styles and colors. Also skirts to the knee or an inch above or below. Mostly pencil skirts and some flare skirts. even a leather pencil skirt!😉 Don't have too many clothes with patterns, just some, but mostly like solid colors. Have three dress suits, like you would wear to a board meeting, which I just LOVE!❤️❣️. One red, one black, one grey.(and shoes to match)😍 As far as dresses, mostly the type you would wear to work in an office, but have a nice selection and some knock around day dresses. A couple of flimsy and frilly ones which I like, but would never ever wear out! Even have my gown for The First Event gala coming up!💜.Now, that is stunning!!!! Only tried it on once about 6 weeks ago when I first got it and scared the heck out of me...almost couldn't take it off. You'll have to go First Event to see it😍 Very simple, but elegant. My boy clothes???? 3 pairs of pants, identical. 5 open collar pullover shirts, identical, white soxs, identical, haha😆

Better hurry, only two left!

Please keep the faith, in yourself, and I know you'll work through it.

Wow, that disheartens me greatly. Monica please know and remember! You do not need others to validate you. Yah, seniors can be the worst! Some are set in their ways and have closed their minds....you have not, don't start now. I would have loved to have known you long ago before now and am thankful to have met you here, and hope to share much more in the future.😂. You've always been a good friend to me and everyone else here, and I'll always be a good friend to you❤️. Jessica

MY first choice would have been the keys, but out of my reach and too soon for me to go to heaven!😊

Yeah, know I have to get down there and spend some time looking.😎. Don't like what I'm seeing out my window right now...inch of snow! ugh!😫

This weekend? Wish I could and WOULD without a heartbeat; but I'm on the last leg of the marathon with my business. I'm about 4 hours from Boston. Have family in Florida, though, and I am going to try to get down there for a week between now and the conference. Will let you know if that happens. I want to eventually settle where it's a lot warmer! 😍. I've been eying the Gulf Coast pretty seriously. I also love St Augustine. I tend to think your wife would be very comfortable around me, but better to let her keep it on her own pace. I have soooo much to look forward to!❤️ Am already a few years younger than I used to be! Thank you, Christa Kerry😉 Loving it, Jessica grasshopper

Now, I'm really, really excited about the conference....that would be awesome!😃. It's called First Event, January 30 - February 3. Website is Firstevent.org. I booked at the hotel for the whole conference and will arrive the 29th and leave the 4th, so any days you could swing it would be great. I know the area really well, and could pick you up at Logan Airport if you needed. Bring a friend, maybe your wife??? The seacoast there is magnificent just an hour north of Boston, kinda like the ZION of seacoasts, if you know what I mean. I spent time every summer there the last 35 years of my life dreaming of transitioning. I'm a little older, but still a blast!😂. Would love to take you on a tour. That is a nice thought to start out this week! Don't worry too much about winter clothes, you can try some of mine, haha. Jess😍

Thank you Emma; you're a good friend!

Okay, throughout my entire life, I have often accumulated various articles and many times, entire wardrobes of woman's clothing, shoes, make-up, wigs, etc. In my own privacy I dressed up, sometimes if only for a short period and other times for extended periods. More often than not, I always had my "stash", which gave me much comfort in the thought that I would someday be able to transition and live my life of a woman without going back. It seems that every time I had a "life changing event", for example, new girlfriend, marriage, birth of a son or daughter, new job, I would always purge those things I loved in an attempt to live a life according to what I wrongly perceived as normal. Well about two years ago I decided what was actually normal for ME was to prepare for transitioning. As I approached retirement age, (I don't think I'll ever really retire), I began to downsize my business in order to run it without any employees. (I often had a dozen). My wife was no longer physically able to work it with me. So in the privacy of my business basement when off times permitted, I began to accumulate again, slowly, carefully, with the thought that I may never purge again. Any where from 3-5 times a week over the last two years I was able to "practice, perfect my presentation, walk, practice speech, dress, learn the art of make-up and at the same time lost close to 60 lbs. Well, another life changing event is approaching; my business should be liquidated in the coming 3 weeks, and this weekend I methodically boxed everything up and brought it home! About 30 dresses and suits, skirts, 3 dozen blouses and tops, slacks, skirts, 5 wigs, make-up, purses, mirrors, and about 12 pairs of shoes. I'll be very busy over the next few weeks with closing my business and for several afterward with the financials, but I'll have everything intact when I'm done so I can take on the life changing event I've waited my whole life for. THAT'S NORMAL😍 Jessica

Ahhh, what a feeling it must have been! Halloween was my first experience being feminine back when I was about ten years old and it has never left me through my next 55 years! I honestly can't think of any childhood (or adulthood experience) that beats it!!!! I hope you have many more opportunities to continue. I certainly am looking forward to fully transition as I've always known that's who I am. Jessica

I don't know, I think you're day was mostly good, only a little bad. 👍 You were right there for your son. a good experience for you and him...he will never forget it. It's been obvious you love him dearly, as I love mine. You met others with similar feelings as yourself. I think you are leaping in the right direction; try not to fight it but open up to it. ❤️ Jessica

Welcome to your Community💜. Okay, let's talk weight ??? How I looked at myself and felt about myself for many, many years. I, too, as you called yourself, am a "mature gurl", and have for many, many years looked in that mirror. DEPRESSING!😥. Said to myself no way, transition will never happen! About 2 years ago I decided it would! Totally took on a "mental commitment". Am 5'9", was 215lbs, and had a huge gut. 42 " waist, xxl shirts. 40" pants, little tight. Felt stuffed in a dress size 20, 42 bra, too. Checked out what I was eating, and cut sugar, (in my 2 pots of coffee a day), cut alcohol, changed to diet beverages and water, loved pizza every day, but cut it out, more on that, but don't miss it anymore, cut my dinner portions first 10%, then 20%, then 40%, then 60%. Tried to "de-expand" my stomach cravings by eating something light late morning (toast, no butter) couple of pieces of fruit, you get the gist. Have one main meal per day all the essentials, but WATCH MY PORTIONS! Started light exercise, couldn't do one sit-up at first and for a while, but still went through the motions. Many other exercises too, you can figure them out. Weighed myself daily!!!!!!!!! Little by little, 5lbs at a time, dress size decreasing continuously, it rewarded my ambitions as I looked into that mirror. Now size 14 dress, may go to 12 soon, 10 pants, waist 32, size 12 skirt, blouse lg., 36 bra, 6(med panty). Weight 155. Never thought I could do that, it just happened! Goal is another 5 lbs., maybe 10. Was important to me to look good size-wise in femininity, it doesn't have to be for everyone, though. My butt is still small but HRT will help that. But don't even have to hold my gut in in a dress anymore! Only downside is having to update my wardrobe...too expensive!😍 The point is do the "mental commitment" and the rest can follow. Takes a little time, but well worth it. If you fail at times, keep trying. When I look in that mirror now I think "I'm beginning to look like "quite a catch" Haha😏. Best wishes. Jessica

I am very, very happy for you! 😃Doubly! Going slow, one thing at a time works. There is no rush there, that I know, or at least I think so. Yeah, heard the same news which is very disheartening. I saw the same thing in the 70's to 90's with trying to write out gays and lesbians; didn't work there and it won't work with transgenders, either. BUT...we have to speak up and out! I have no idea what the "true " numbers are of transgenders and those exploring their gender identity, but I believe it is significant. I've already penned a letter to my congresswoman, a Republican, whom I know well. She will think about what I said, and it will perhaps give her some perspective on the issue. I think she all ready knows, but may help to sway the "agenda" on this issue. I have also written President Trump and Melania separately. I won't leave the US; still the best country I know of; but I will fight for my rights and the rights of all that make us what we are. Stay and help make us a Trans Welcoming Country. No government is ever going to write who I am out of existence, that's for sure!

Hope you're doing well😊, Would like to hear from you again. Jessica

Haha, okay this is gonna be a stretch, but.... I went back to my dentist again last Wednesday. Remember I brought up meeting another "Jess" in my blog What's in a name? Well, 2 root canals and crowns was the order of the day and Jess was assisting again. No pain at all, again had a great time, and they probably think it was the Novocain that was the reason. I'm sure it helped, but I think my attitude was the predominant factor here. Next appointment was to be 2 weeks from now (I have 4 appt's set up for November already) and I told them if they get any cancellations to call me and I'll be there within a 30 minute notice. I need a lot of work done and want to be done with it this year. I've neglected it too long. Got a call Friday to come in Monday at 7:30 am.👍 Working more on my smile!😍. I now have a reason to smile.😃! Down the road sometime, when the time is right, they'll know just how much they meant to me. Jess

Christy and Emma. Yes the Joy...radiates. I noticed this the moment I joined the community and it hasn't wavered a bit since, when I'm out and about in my daily life. Some "phenomenon" at work there, maybe the feeling of shedding a long held inhibition, knowing that I'm headed in a good path or something like that. I do believe it shows in one's face, attitude, and how we engage with others, and it is contagious to those we encounter. Maybe goes into the "feeling of little girl" or "adolescence" when we start out. Whatever, the ride I'm on sure feels great.!😊

Thank you, Emma. No, "you can't foresee everything".Well said. ❤️

Ah, Yes, there is sooo much to think of. Not even just the immediate or short term, or even the closer long term. But what about 10, 15, 20, 30 years from now, or longer? How exactly will you conduct your life? How do you expect to? What other new relationships will one have and what will they be like? Will you be able to earn, or maintain a living? I think many people have a false idea that hey could be happy just to "withdraw" living the remainder of their life transitioned, but I tend to think that would be a recipe for disaster. Of course one cannot foresee everything, but a careful and thorough self-examination of the effects and what they mean to the individual and those in their circle coupled with a lot of research surely helps to make the right choice for the individual. Jessica

You are all correct. I'm learning!❤️

Our "Inner Circle". A comment about inner circle recently that caused me to ponder further the meaning of the "inner circle" that each of us have. I have heard of this term throughout my life of 64 years, and also pondered it's meaning to me. My inner circle presumably is comprised of my true self, my thoughts, actions, expectations, goals, fears, regrets, my coping mechanisms, accomplishments and failures, those good and bad things in my own psyche, judged only by my own mind. I guard mine closely from attack from outside sources, other people, society, etc., because it is not considered "normal" by others' standards or there own "inner circle", nor exactly coincide with society' norms. No one's inner circle can be totally congruent with anyone else's and certainly not society as a whole. Yet a common theme in self acceptance therapies seems to be to allow people into your inner circle to achieve happiness and piece of mind. I don't believe that anyone will ever totally enter my inner circle; oh, I may allow others to approach it, but most will never get very close, a very few may. The closest to it was my wife. but she never really stepped into it because she never knew of my dysphoria. The opportunity for that, unfortunately, has passed. As I continue on life, others will approach my inner circle but truly they will not be permitted in, unless I believe they are worthy of it and a very high level of trust is formed. That is not a bad thing, just a reality in preserving my self worth and being and general happiness. While I hope someone may come closer than my wife did, none ever may and I'd be good with that, too. I'm at peace with my inner circle and that is what matters. Jessica

Yeah, back then they didn't know the gender before birth, so you had to have an alternate plan for a name. I have an older sister, 4 years, an older brother, 3 years. Wonder if I was supposed to be a girl, too. Haha. ☺️ Better late than never!

I think names are significant. I don't particularly care for labels, however. But names we like, names we choose, those that "sound" good to us often have much meaning as to where we've been, whom we've met , where we want to go, what appeals to us, and what we would like to be, and says a lot about our own perception of our personality. One of the first realizations that we are going to transition comes to us when we choose a name. Some of us choose early in life, some later in life, but most often the names we choose appeal to us in a peaceful and self-content sort of way and carry us through a lifetime and end up being a permanent part of us when we first decide to transition and through our transition. It is a name we choose to become and love within our minds, not one that is given to us at birth. I chose Jessica. And I chose it early on in life and has more or less stuck with me for more than 55 years. Oh, I've considered others on occasion, but always returned to Jessica as my name. Why??? I'm not really sure. Perhaps back in 4th grade it comes from a crush on a girl named Jessica who liked to be called Jess, too. It was just a crush, mind you, long before the onset of puberty for both of us. I didn't know her well, she was not in any of my classes, but we both looked forward to going to the lunch cafeteria and talking together while we had our 30 minute lunch. She was awesome to me, I liked her, she liked me and we loved talking to each other. Well we moved onto 5th grade and never had the opportunity to talk again, but I still liked the names Jessica and Jess. To me it sounds feminine, maybe it was my first realization of the differences between masculinity and femininity. Funny thing happened last Wednesday! Went to my dentist and had a great time, which is not something you would typically expect when you have a dentist appointment. I sat in the waiting room for some 20 minutes and discreetly, and I say discreetly, because I don't want to creep anyone out, was taking a mental note of other woman's mannerisms in the waiting room, when the dentist's assistant called me in. She was new, never saw her before, and she warned me she was new at this, asking me to bear with her. She was very nervous, but had a great personality, we got along great, as I helped her with the placement of the plates for each x-ray. I told her to take her time, I have my whole life ahead of me and I intend to enjoy it.. Have had a lot of experience at the dentist. When my dentist came in to review the x-rays, she said to the dentist that I should be named the patient of the year and I told the dentist when I come back for my work I wanted her to assist. Now I always try to remember names of people I meet and when I can't I'm not shy in asking again someone's name. So I'm getting ready to leave and I ask, I'm sorry I didn't get your name? She said, "Oh, I'm sooo sorry! My name's Jessica, You can call me Jess!" I should have figured that one out☺️ Jessica❤️