Jessicatoyou

I'm very excited for you as well!

I love your story! One thing I've learned is that most of the world is really really compassionate and supportive about transgender;; they're just as nervous about being open, accepting, and expressing it as we are at first! ❣️

You look wonderful! No need to trim any pounds, though, in my opinion.☺️

I think I was in my late 30's when I just knew my "feeling" would never go away. AND I also simultaneously came to the realization that I was indeed sane, more so than than most, if not all, around me. But because of the lack of information out there about gender, I became resigned that I would just have to remain in my born gender, as there were no other realistic alternatives. However, I never stopped even for a second wondering and daydreaming what Jessica would be like....to look at in the mirror, to think like, what her friends would be like, even how she would work, love and be loved, and go about her daily routine.. Fast forward to now, at 65, I know, and it is not only what I imagined, but so much more. Hold onto that warm feeling inside...it's called "you know something that very few others know".

A huge spiritual journey for sure! And that journey continues well after vaginoplasty; it's actually the best part😊

I remember when I decided to commit to a decision to move forward in discovering what was my authenticity. And I knew I had a lot of things to discover! It became an overwhelming feeling of truth and freedom. That day and time for me came at the close of my first transgender conference, after which I then traveled to one of my favorite spots, Hampton Beach, New Hampshire, and gazed across the Atlantic Ocean to what seemed to me to represent infinity. I suddenly realized my life was about to begin again! If I let it!! If I did not allow my fear to get in my way, I could meet head on every obstacle that I had allowed to stop me before. I could conquer those obstacles! I made my reservations for “First Event” sometime around September of 2018, shortly after learning that there were such conferences from TG Guide. First Event is the longest run and oldest Transgender Conference in the United States. It is held in February each year in Boston, and offers seminars, workshops, and social events for the transgender community. I began building my knowledge, studying u-tube tutorials and videos, on dress, walk, make-up, voice, hair, and practiced every time I had a chance even if it was only for moments a day. I studied blogs and tutorials of others that had come out before me. I quickly learned less is better, and just tried to get in a “comfortable mind-set” dressing as Jessica. The week surrounding First Event was my first time presenting as “Jessica” outside of my home, having only gone to a church the Sunday before then travelling from Albany to Boston by car on Tuesday to attend the Conference. At church, I was immediately made by another transgender woman who introduced herself to me during fellowship coffee. That was the first time I had talked one on one to a transgender person, and we are still friends today! That drove my confidence to a new level and my next stop was Boston. When I first arrived at the hotel in Boston, I ran for the bathroom! I never thought about having to use a bathroom during my 3 ½ hour drive down the Mass Pike, and I couldn’t summon the courage to go into a woman’s room along the way. I certainly could not use a men’s room dressed as I was!! Having arrived early, I checked in rather easily, having to use my identification assigned at birth and the hotel easily made note of my preferred name. I went to my room, began unpacking and ventured down to the lounge in the evening. Others were checking in and the convention guests stood out rather oddly. At least they did to me. I began to have doubts about whether I should stay when I was welcomed by the organizer the following morning. I decided to give it a chance and during the course of the week I opened my mind and heart and soul and as I navigated through the workshops, luncheons, dinners, and social events I met and got to know some of the most genuine people I had ever encountered. At the close of the conference Sunday, only one week after my first outing in public as Jessica, I had lived and felt really authentic 24/7 for 8 straight days. I stayed on one more night at the hotel watching Superbowl (2019) with a small group of us who stayed on (mostly organizers) and checked out the following morning, as Jessica. Instead of driving west to go home, I stopped at Sephora for a free makeover, and drove further east to my favorite spot on the East Coast. After a wonderful dinner at Lamie’s Old Salt in town, I headed home knowing my life has been changed. I had no doubt the process would be awesome! I did not waste any time and would be living full time only 5 weeks later as my true gender. And only one year and 4 months later, my body would match!

Thank you sooo much Emma! Kinda feels like the TOP of the Hill🙋‍♀️

I have now been a member of the TG Forum since August 26, 2018 , just shy of 2 years now. At that time, I recall distinctly, at 63 years old, it was time to really learn what it would take for ME to begin this process called "transitioning". It was then that I stumbled upon TG Guide, a well managed support forum, consisting of members from all across the gender spectrum, some that just had many, many questions to those that had completed their physical transition. At that time, I had never met a transgender person, had never spoken with a transgender person, having only built my knowledge "database" from media and scant articles which told me little about why I felt as I had my whole life, and more importantly what to do about it. In fact, my first face to face introduction to someone transgender occurred 5 months later in January of 2019, when I made my first venture outside presenting as Jessica one Sunday morning at a church outside of my hometown. Until then I had only "practiced" in private my presentation. I tapped all the resources that TG had to offer including carefully reading word for word the detailed blogs of many. I became online friends with many , and even offline friends with a few. The support has been tremendous and I am happy.....no ecstatic to say I have completed my physical transition from ..... to Jessica. My procedure was performed by Dr. Bella Avanessian of the Mount Sinai Transgender Surgery group in NYC. Everything went well, a highly successful procedure, and I am still recovering locally in Manhattan close to my surgeon for follow up visits/ I am now able to go for short walks around town and am fully self sufficient. Just taking it very slow and careful as I am told my full recovery will take about 6 months. So, over the next 6 months I will have much time to try to detail my journey, to "pay it forward" so to speak. One definite result of where I am at now is that I have never been happier, more fulfilled in my body as Jessica, and look forward to embracing whatever comes my way next!! 🙋‍♀️❣️ .

Beautiful photo, Emma; it speaks volumes on how far you've come. As I'm mostly surrounded day to day by cis-gender folks, I no longer think of myself as being anything other than "Jess", and with that, those around me see only a person named Jess.

Emily, I get exactly what you mean by on and off again. In my case, couldn't go back and forth girl to male almost immediately once I tasted the freedom and liberation of being true to myself and when I accepted that all the dominoes and barriers fell. Embrace yourself!

Hi Dee! This is a very interesting observation, even though it came to you in dream form, and I expect you will have more. Embrace every one of them! Being "heterosexual" all my life, I think often about the future and am well in tune (I hope) with my changing body and thoughts about physical intimacy. I thought I was certain that I would always remain attracted to female post surgery. I'm not so sure, today. Some men, although very, very few, I encounter, trigger that "what if??" sensation in my mind, and in my heart. And it is an awesome thought, too. I still, lean towards woman preferably, at this stage, but the point is I don't have a clue where I'll end up post surgery. One thing for sure, I have no doubt it will be awesome!!! I also have had thoughts that I would be limited to only "those that gets what it means to be trans!". My therapist made a statement to me: "it's just body parts". That made me really think, and I guess it is now gonna boil down to the "person" that I become attracted to, not the sex. May ultimately be male, or female, or MTF or FTM, or non-binary, who knows?? It should be someone that we both can grow further with each other. I am now free, and becoming more so every moment. Jessica

Also , the clothes are not the reason your trusted and loved, it's what underneath the clothes.

I loved it!!!!

❤️

I have been on HRT now since April, and have simultaneously no longer presented male since one month prior to that. Since I started, some insight into my own thought process is developing when it comes to sexual orientation. This is only me, and may or may not be others' experience. I was always heterosexual as a male, and with that I have never had a relationship with a male, nor was ever curious. I fully expected to continue being attracted to woman right through and after post-op. I moved to a new community at the same time I shed my assigned at birth male presentation and have assimilated very well into my new (and old) community. I am very active and visible publicly. I interact and socialize with , very few transgender friends at different stages of their transition, one or two lesbian friends that I'm aware of, but mostly cis men and women which is probably representative of the general population. It's important to understand, the general population is indeed predominantly cis. (my assumption). I've become very good friends with a group of women and many others, individually, my age. We meet up to dance, talk, and share our lives etc., and in general do many things together. As we spend more time together, I've sensed that some may be attracted to me and I to some of them. But that is a very slippery slope that I did not previously consider. I have to be careful not to respond to women as I learned to all my life, but understand that most women are still cis and not sexually attracted to women nor transwomen, for that matter.. I suppose that I can no longer realistically think of cis women amorously as I have been accustomed to my entire life. Even while I am pre-op, lesbian women, unless they are generally bi, would probably not result in a mutually positive sexual relationship, at least until I become post-op. Pre-op, I experience a strong attraction to FTM, but not so much MTF. I did have one intimate encounter with a non-binary FTM, with whom I am still friendly. "They" (the correct pronoun) identify as bi-sexual, has had top surgery, but no plans for bottom surgery. That was in fact very enjoyable, I did not expect it, and was very nervous at first, but fortunately my partner was prepared for safety. Even though I have not needed since, I am now always prepared for safe sex! I guess additionally, that attraction is not set in stone either, as I experienced a rather distinct “flutter in my heart” upon meeting a MTF server last weekend at an exclusive restaurant in Saratoga. She was presenting somewhat female with largely androgynous overtones, and obviously on HRT. But she was far too young, early 20’s, for me to think seriously any further about her, sexually. In any event, I’ll need to stay closely and realistically in touch with both my mind and my body during and after my transition, and keep an open mind without making judgements based upon my experience having lived most of my life as the wrong gender. This chapter is still very much open. I know I have much more to think and learn about this, now. But I'm beginning to understand also now, we're simply talking about body parts? Always, Jessica 😉

My last blog was last July and it seems like a lifetime has passed. I apologize and will try to blog more about my transition, as it is one of the most successful and joyous experiences I have been fortunate enough to take on. I owe much of that to those that have systematically blogged about theirs before me. This quick post is about Affirmation. The question came about, "Do you remember if or when you were baptized?" I don't remember, but have been told I was and subsequently had confirmation in the Lutheran Church. This past summer, after nearly 65 years, my name and gender marker was legally corrected. That was nice and certainly an ah-ha moment for me. Today, I was baptized Jessica Leah. Today, "I" was baptized Jessica Leah !!!!! As said in Matthew 3:13-17. "Let it be so now, for thus it is fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness.".... "and behold, a voice from heaven said, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased". 😌🏳️‍🌈‍

I did not "barrage" my son with transgender "stuff". I asked him if he knew anyone trans; I told him, briefly what I felt and I have been hiding it since I was a little boy, I always tried to do what was best for him and his Mom; wipe his mind clean of what he's heard about transgender people I would teach him the truth about me; I told him I expected much backlash and asked him if he would be my advocate. I told him to ask me questions, not now, but as soon when he thought of them. He asked me if that means I was gay? I said no; then I explained gender identity vs. sexual preference. I let a week slide without bringing it up but now talk to him continually and drop a few more things about me each time. He mainly wants to know what to say to other people. This was my SCARIEST moment! It turned out to be my most rewarding moment in my process! My son was 23; age would come into play with what you should say. Prepare before, and teach your children that you love them UNCONDITIONALLY and they will know how to love you UNCONDITIONALLY.

Hi Dawn, Love and friendship to you, also!😘 I once perceived myself as having a fear of hurting those close to me. That changed abruptly with the passing of my wife, my best friend of 35 years. She was aware of my feminine side but never to the extent how dominant it actually was and when the time came for me to begin my transition, she became terminally ill, and never did. Now I wish I never waited; I no longer believe it saved her from hurt; but rather prevented her from seeing and participating in my true happiness and peace. Don't misunderstand me, I'm sure it would have made things difficult in our relationship, but I also feel now it would have made us even stronger. When my wife passed I came to the realization life was too short to not live it with total honesty, not just for myself but especially towards everyone else around me. 🙋‍♀️

Wow, how true! I was always so worried that I would lose friends, income, security, happiness, etc. (Most of my life, I didn't know what happiness really is!) I couldn't possibly comprehend the gains I am enjoying while at the same time anything I may have lost was never worth keeping! Thanks, Dee!

BA, I never thought I would have, but I truly enjoyed your post about rats! And the pictures were especially cute and adorable. Thank you😊

Great to have you back! As far as the magistrate, I'm thinking play the game, it's only temporary. Have your lawyer be the advocate for you; you be the nice person.

Good luck and be safe!😘

Enjoy your day! You look great!🙋‍♀️

Hi, I'm really happy to hear from you on TG Guide again! Also just love your new Mazda! I think I speak for many that you've been an inspiration and I for one am truly grateful that you've shared your experience so completely and honestly. I hope to hear more from you from time to time. It has helped me far more than I can express.