Emma

Last week I sent the following email to about 30 ex-colleagues and friends at a start-up company I worked at for 6 years and loved. Roughly 75% have responded very positively, and one even reported that his 9 year old son has expressed transgender feelings and asked for my thoughts and suggestions. I've not received any negative feedback. Maybe the other 25% are uncomfortable? Who knows, but that's okay... Since sending this email out I've forwarded it to another 15 or so people. I think it's a pretty good update for my friends and provides them with information that I hope they will use in conversations with their friends. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear friends, 20 years ago this month I joined Start-Up thanks to A, B, and C, and it remains as one of the best experiences I’ve had. I miss working with all of you very much. That said, I’ve been carrying a profound secret since I was a child that I have only lately come to terms with and wish to share with you. My goal is simply to facilitate conversation. What’s the secret? In a word, I am transgender, and I’ll tell you more about it all below. I’ll try to be brief and avoid the dreaded “tl;dr” but as you can imagine it’s a long story. The story is important to me of course but I hope you will read and be interested more in the broader context of all transgender people. I often start off by telling whomever I'm coming out to that ever since I can remember (age 4 or 5) I wanted to play on the girls' teams. I wanted to learn to curtsy with the girls in nursery school, dance like a ballerina, play with the girls in their kindergarten kitchenettes, and join the Blue Birds in 1st grade. In junior high, like Richard Dreyfus in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, I was inextricably drawn toward sewing girls’ clothes for myself including a camisole and a teddy, in secret and out of rags, while my parents attended AA meetings. I was acutely aware that my desires, envies and actions were utterly shameful and needed to be kept strictly hidden and under control. All of these feelings stayed with me (maturing, of course) over the next half-century as I struggled to keep the ship afloat while battling depression and emotions that just wouldn't be suppressed. Close your eyes for a moment and consider how it would feel to be so utterly convinced that you are so shameful, with a longing that just doesn't go away, and it's so bad that you can't tell anyone what is really in your heart. You just have to journey on as best you can. That journey has been tough: always monitoring my relationships for whatever I might do or say that would expose myself, second-guessing: “Am I saying the right thing?” “How am I supposed to be right now?” Telling you this is an amazing milestone for me. Quite literally for years I would have rather died than have it come out. I went to therapists for depression and didn't tell them about my feminine feelings, as those feelings were just too shameful and, I figured, I could keep the depression and its treatment isolated from talking about my gender dysphoria. In hindsight that was kind of silly but when feeling that kind of pressure we humans do odd things. In early 2014 my wife told me that I needed to return to therapy. I was unhappy, we were unhappy, and I needed to deal with things. I told my new therapist from the onset that for the very first time I was going to totally open my kimono come hell or high water. Still, it was unbelievably hard. It took some months to gradually get it all out. And then I had to tell my wife, which was also very hard. I spent the following couple of years studying, exploring, and learning what it is to be transgender, where it originates, overcoming my own transphobia, and accepting that I am trans. My wife and I cried about it but we decided that I would never really find and become myself while we were married. We thus went to a mediator a few months ago, worked out our divorce agreement, and filed the papers. The mediator was astonished that we came to the meetings holding hands, smiling/laughing, and yes, crying. I bought a 23' RV (Winnebago Minnie Winnie; my wife hates the name!) in March and headed north in mid-April, in search of a new place to settle (I can't afford to live in the SF Bay Area!), to find who I am and become that person. Now, I'm in Seattle and have pretty much decided that I want to buy a small house somewhere in the San Juan Islands this Fall. I have old friends here and have always loved the San Juans. But on the transgender topic I assume that you and/or others may not know much about it and I figure that, like we saw with the civil rights movement, the emergence of gays and lesbians, and others, we need to encourage "dinner table conversations" among cisgender people (where 'cis' = 'same', meaning that one's inner gender matches their birth sex characteristics). Knowledge is power, and with that in mind I came up with what I hope is a helpful FAQ: Does this mean I'm gay?No. Sexuality and gender are completely orthogonal and unrelated, although this is often the first question people ask. For what it's worth I'm only attracted to women. What does "transgender" mean? Does it mean you're a transsexual?Transgender is an umbrella term/label that includes anyone whose gender doesn't align with their birth sex. Some trans present in public as their true selves, some caring that they “pass” and some not. Some only do what they need to do under their clothes or in private. And some trans people transition their bodies via hormones, surgery(s), and so forth, and some do not. Those that do are called transsexuals but the language is evolving and the transgender label is often used for people like Caitlyn Jenner, Jazz Jennings, Laverne Cox, and Janet Mock. How can I be sure I'm trans?Good question, especially since there is no scientific/objective test... none. Everyone sure wishes there was a test. Trust me when I say that I've done my homework: lots of books, therapists, meetings with trans people, introspection. In the end it's undeniable. So much history. Will I transition?Another good question. Until fairly recently I thought not but lately I'm thinking it may be inevitable. I'm afraid of waking up some day on my death bed wishing for what could have been or what I didn’t do out of fear. I am considering starting a low dose of hormones that can be taken for some months before physical changes occur to see how I feel mentally. I would put $20 down that I will feel terrific but we'll see; I have an open mind to losing that bet. Do I present as a woman all the time?No. When I'm with some friends, or attending a trans meeting/conference, I do. I’m growing my hair out because I hate wigs and at some point will need to have it styled. Maybe then I’ll start presenting as a woman more often. What do I wear?Us in the trans community call them "clothes." Sorry, I had to. :-) Actually, I try to wear a style like women would wear in a similar situation and about my age. I'm learning as I go. I attached a couple of recent photos. How do I look?You tell me! I'm told I look pretty good but one never knows if people are just being nice. When I do go out publicly my goal is to blend in as best I can. How many trans people are there?Very hard to have an accurate answer. A UCLA study recently reported that 0.6% of US adults (1.4M people) are transgender. This compares with 3% who are gay/lesbian. These numbers feel right to me but what do I know. Notably there are the same number of FTM (female to male) as there are MTF (male to female, like me). FTMs have it easier in some ways at least because of society's acceptance of the variety of ways that girls/women dress. Also, note that 41% of trans people attempt suicide at least once. I'm part of that statistic. Is it curable?Our VP Mike Pence would say so. Consider this: is it "curable" (or needed?) to change your handedness from left to right? Your eye color? A. it's not a disease that needs to be cured. B. it's not changeable; we are what we are. Trying to "cure it" has proven to result in many suicides. I'm careful to wish that Trump be impeached - the devil you know and all that. I wish they'd both be impeached. Sessions too, but I'm getting off topic… Isn't it just a sexual proclivity or fetish?No, not at all - at least for transgender people. Note that for many (me included) these feelings came about long before puberty. The child knows what is in her/his heart. Are you implying that God makes mistakes? Not at all, I'm acknowledging diversity. Being transgender doesn’t imply that God made a mistake although this is said by some, implying that since God doesn't make mistakes then being transgender (or gay) is simply an aberrant lifestyle. I don't feel that being transgender is any more of a mistake than being born blind, deaf, conjoined twins, with a cleft palate, or right-handed. Do you feel like you are a woman “inside”?I don’t know, honestly. How could I? Do I feel like I was born in the wrong body? Not really although I have often wished I was born female. It’s hard to put my finger on it, but that’s kind of it: I have always envied and wished I was one of the girls. Simple and complicated and shameful (for a boy) as that. How do I feel these days?I'm feeling rather good, thank you. It's truly amazing what a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've thus far come out to over 30 family, friends, professionals, and acquaintances, and if you include spouses and so forth it might be 50. Now with you I guess that number may double. I am daunted at times at the prospects of transition. I'm lucky to have found a terrific gender therapist in Seattle as well as other resources. I'm also so lucky to have such a strong relationship with my (ex) wife. We talk at least once a week for an hour or two. What's next?On June 20 I will be crossing the border into Canada, driving the ALCAN highway in my Minnie Winnie to Anchorage where, on July 14th I'm meeting a friend with whom I'll be spending the following two weeks camping and motorcycling. (I also have a Kawasaki KLR 650 strapped onto the back of my Winnebago.) And then it will be back to Seattle to attend a gender conference (August 24-27) and get back into my trans journey. That's all I have for now. Please ask me anything you’d like. Probably private emails are best since I don’t want to clog up mailboxes. Also, please feel free to forward this email to anyone whether I know them or not. Oh, and let me know if you're going to be in the Seattle area and would like to meet up. The soul of brevity, Emma For more information As you might imagine I could point you to way more than you may wish for. I think the four videos listed below are excellent. If you'd like to learn more please let me know. Charlie Rose Brain Series: Gender Identity In this episode of the Brain Series, a panel of experts in psychology, pediatrics, and gender studies, including co-host Eric Kandel and neurobiologist and transgender man Ben Barres, examines the complex issue of gender identity and the biology of the brain. Dr. Mark Yarhouse: Transgender As legislatures debate “bathroom bills” and National Geographic Magazine heralds a “Gender Revolution,” many are asking, what is gender dysphoria? Seven hundred thousand people identify as transgender in the U.S. yet many Christians are uncertain of how to engage. Dr. Mark Yarhouse, clinical psychologist and founder of the Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity, brings his latest research to educate us on gender dysphoria and provides a helpful framework for how to think well about the conversation of identity. Brynn Tannehill - “I Am Real” An amazing speech given at the 2014 TransPride Pittsburgh National Conference. Sean Patrick Maloney & Sarah McBride - Democratic National Convention Co-Chair of the Congressional LGBT Equality Caucus Congressman Sean Patrick Maloney (New York) and LGBT rights activist Sarah McBride.

I've heard that it's terrific, so with your review now I know I will have to see it!

Hey Chrissy, You're awesome, girl! I love Taco Bell too, BTW. two Taco Super Grande's and I'm happy. I'm sure the ingredients are all pretty creepy and I don't even want to know, but I love the taste and the crunchiness. And good for you for coming out to your entire class. It's scary but I think that in general, good people respect our being open, transparent, and vulnerable. I believe that most people are good, just trying like all of us to take care of themselves, their families, and to be happy. So they see that too in people like you. As it turns out, today I came out in an email to about 30 people I worked with in a company that I joined 20 years ago this month. I told them that I had always had what I thought was such a shameful secret, and that secret is that I am trans. I also gave them a FAQ list so they became more educated about me and trans people in general, and links to several videos that I think are particularly good. Thus far I've heard from about half of them, all very supportive and yelling "Bravo!" I spent a fair amount of time writing the thing but I'll tell you, my finger hovered over the Send button for a few seconds. But I finally pushed it, and then sure, I was kinda concerned. It was easier for me than for you since I have moved away from the area and no longer work with these people. But we are all good friends, so I fretted that I may have shared too much. I think it's true to say that the universe rewards action. Like yours, and mine. Love, Emma

Great start to your diary Charlotte! It helps me, too, as I am taking baby steps toward transition. I guess I try to follow a paleo diet which looks to me like Atkins. I just try not to eat refined carbohydrates, and, try for smaller portions. One thing I do that's really helped is that I have a digital scale that I weigh myself on every single morning. I then enter the number into a spreadsheet that calculates a 10-day moving average (which smooths out the fluctuations) and my BMI. I graph the weight numbers too vs. time. About three years ago I was about 175 pounds (I'm 5' 9") and through managing my diet I got down to 155 which was terrific. These days I'm about 164 and trying to return to the 155! It's hard as I love food so much. 💃🏼 Anyway, please keep us up to date on your diary. I'd love to keep comparing notes and learning from you. Emma

I'm not very familiar with the LA Times but recall being told it's on a par with the San Jose Mercury and, possibly, the New York Times. That said, I don't understand why they would publish such a crappy Yahoo-like article. Where is the news in it? What was its impetus for writing it? It's like an article in the National Enquirer where the writer is provided a title and told to fill in the rest. So yeah, I agree with you. I would write to the editor, not the writer. She won't care, much, and the editor might even talk to her about it. Unfortunately, since they published it I am now of the opinion that the LA Times is suffering from the general decline in readership, advertising, and business, that so many papers are experiencing. I may write to the editor myself, too.

Sounds wonderful Chrissy! You go girl!

Monica and Chrissy: thank you so much for your support. I was remarkably calm through it all which surprised me. I just felt good, like I was at home, if you know what I mean. Regarding the wig, maybe there are different types, I just don't know. I had bought another a couple of years ago (which I returned) and it was very warm too. But at that time the store proprietor said that I needed to wear a nylon wig cap underneath - which increased the heat a lot. This time it was okay for me to just wear the wig which one would think would be cooler but it was still very warm. I'm going to wait and see about the wig. For now I have the one I have and maybe in August/September I'll visit a wig shop to see what I can find out. You're experience is very helpful. I wish I could get away with as little makeup as you, Chrissy. For now I need to wear a foundation for beard cover and to clean up my face. The woman who gave the lessons to me has also put me on a daily/weekly regimen of face cleaning, moisturizing, and toning, which she says will show remarkable results in about six weeks. I started it yesterday and we will see how it goes! Hugs, Emma

For the very first time I went out to dinner dressed last week and spent a couple of days in skinny jeans, leggings, and my tunic tops. Also wore a couple of my skirt/top outfits. I also received a lot of lessons in makeup and wig care. I learned so much! And I just felt wonderful. True, I also learned that, frankly, makeup is hard to learn, and I prefer to wear as little of it as possible. And the wig is hot and not very comfortable. Thankfully my natural hair may be okay so I'm growing it out to see. I guess that will take 6-12 months to know. But I also learned that I really would love to transition. Not soon, as I want to explore some more, talk to others, and settle on a plan. I'm currently heading north through Washington and soon through British Columbia to Alaska. Not a good time to mix it up with electrolysis, hormones, and all. But I will have lots of hours behind the wheel and I've ordered some voice lesson DVDs and a CD. Who knows, in a couple of months I may be able to have a much more feminine voice. I sure hope so! Emma P.S. Eyebrow waxing hurts but it's over quickly. I'm told that I now need to find someone every 2-3 weeks to repeat it or risk losing the line that she gave me. I'm sure I can do that in Seattle but in the upper part of BC or Alaska? We'll see. :-)

Hi Bree, thank you for your well wishes but I'm sorry you, Nikki, and your family are having such problems. I can well imagine how you feel about having to put Logan down. It's so hard isn't it, after bonding like we do to these little creatures that ignore us so often, unless they're hungry. At times like these (including what I'm going through as I contemplate my divorced future) we need to be easy on ourselves, caring for ourselves. Consider creating a "Self-Care Checklist" as recommended by my friend Dara Hoffman-Fox that you can refer to as needed for ideas. Here's some of mine: Emma's Self-Care Checklist Physical Take a walkStretchHiking Bike rideRide the motorcycleArts Listen to musicPlay guitarPainting/drawingPhotographyCulinary Cook dinnerDrink a glass of wineCup of coffeeCup of teaEntertainment Watch a favorite TV showWatch a favorite movieWatch a new movieRead a novelTransgender Curl up in bed in nightgownDress in my leggings and a pretty topRead favorite blogs Shave body hairSpiritual MeditateTake a napLight a candleTasks Straighten up the RV Do laundryClean the RV None of the above are a panacea, but it helps to at least know the list is there when I need it, and it helps me. Maybe something like this will help you too. Emma

Excellent point, Bree - thank you. I agree that I'd not be pleased to have someone come on strong about anything, pretty much anytime. And maybe that's the issue, to ask if they'd like to talk about it. If not that would be perfectly okay with me - and it really would be. I'll certainly keep your advice in mind.

Yesterday afternoon a rental RV pulled in to the campground space adjacent to mine. I didn't take much notice of it. I glanced there occasionally and was surprised to find that the couple were sitting in the cab of the truck. Kind of odd since the first thing one does is connect up the water, electricity, and waste disposal. I made my dinner and while cooking my pork chop decided to ask them if all was alright. Maybe they were unfamiliar with what to do and embarrassed to ask? After eating my chop (which was delicious!) I headed over there. The man was in the cab, the woman no where to be seen. He popped out and I explained that I noticed them in the cab and was just checking to see if they needed any help. He was very friendly, in his 60s I think, and said it was just a comfortable place to sit and update his Facebook while keeping an eye on his own BBQ. His girlfriend then came out too, very big blond hair, friendly. I learned that they are from North Carolina, very small towns (about 2,000 people) near Raleigh, heading to Frisco (please, please, don't ever say that. It's San Francisco) today I think. We separated back to our RVs and the evening. Last night I considered which side of the bathroom bill they are on. My guess is that they are on the trans-phobic side as they also made a small sleight about a minority. So now I'm wondering if I should venture there again this morning and ask them about the bathroom bill. And if they are for the discrimination ask them what concerns them. And regardless, then tell them that I'm transgender, and assure them that while in male mode (which they see me now) neither I or anyone I know who is trans would even consider entering a women's washroom. I could do it, sure. But I'm scared to think what might happen. Probably nothing physical, but emotional? Do I want to deal with that? Anyway, I left my copy of Janet Mock's book "Redefining Realness" in the campground book exchange area. Maybe someone will read it and learn something. I hope so. P.S. That couple left the park while I was in the laundry room, so they were unaware of their neighbor, the transwoman. I suppose I'll always wish I'd gone ahead and broached the subject with them. Who knows, we might have had a nice chat over a glass of wine. Given the same circumstances that's what I plan to do the next time. Live and learn.

Sounds great, Faith! Don't be such a stranger; we'd love to hear more from you.

Today is – quite literally – the first full day of the rest of my life. Yesterday (on Easter Sunday) I left my wife (now, ex, which is hard to fathom), home (now hers), friends, and family, to venture out on a Hero’s Journey (if I do say so myself) to see what I find in my gender, life, and home. I woke this morning in my Minnie Winnie near Healdsburg, California at a KOA campground, figured out how to hook up the water and sewage to the coach, and cooked eggs and coffee for breakfast. The last couple of months have been very challenging and exhausting for both my wife and myself. I returned from my camping trip in early February to find that my wife had decided that we should divorce. She said that the reason is that while we are together it will be unforgivably impossible for me to truly discover and be myself, whether I need to transition, live publicly as a woman, or whatever. That, and for reasons she doesn’t understand herself (and feels guilty about) there is something about my being transgender that she finds very hard to accept. At first there was some anger and hurt feelings between us. She asked when I might leave (the earlier the better), we both worried about how we would settle our affairs, and I could not wait to simply drive away and move on. We found a divorce mediator, I created a spreadsheet that helped us try out different asset division models, we started to trust each other, and finally came to an agreement. She got a bit more than I did but that's the way it needed to be for her to keep the house. But I got my freedom in an enviable way that I have often dreamed of my entire life. Once that was worked out the rest of our time was mostly spend packing and provisioning my Winnie, unwinding our family finances, pushing through the myriad forms needed to file for divorce. We worked hand in hand still wearing our wedding rings. Our mediator and attorneys were amazed that a couple as caring of each other as us would even consider getting divorced. I’m deeply saddened now as I write this. I know she is too; we talked last night on the phone for 45 minutes. When I arrived at the campground yesterday I unpacked my Emma clothes into my closet and drawers; they’d been in boxes that my wife really prefers not to open. And now I consider what I want to do in the coming months. My plan is to head slowly north, through Oregon, Washington, British Columbia, to Alaska, for the summer, and then return south in time to miss the winter snow and rain, through Iowa (or Idaho, not sure), Utah, and Colorado. In each location I want to see what feels right and wrong about the place, and experience what’s available for trans people like me. For example, in Portland (Tigard, actually) and Seattle, are what I call “training wheel” services that provide help with dressing, make-up, and the rest, and opportunities to get out and feel what it’s like to be as female as I can be. I hope that through that and more I’ll learn more about where under the TG umbrella I’d like to be. But it’s not all about being transgender. I have my acoustic guitar, camera, bicycle, books, hiking boots, and paints. I want to exercise, eat well, and meditate on staying in the present, while pushing against my fears and boundaries that I have allowed to control me for the past six decades. And who knows, I might meet the next love of my life. I’m not looking but I’m open to it so long as it doesn’t happen too soon. And, my ex and I plan to stay in touch, and she may visit me in Seattle, Alaska, or both. We might even decide to get back together if I truly find that I don’t need to transition and she becomes comfortable with my true self, whatever that is. That’s about it for now. Stay tuned, there will be more! Love, Emma

Hi Jay, You raise a number of important points that I'd like to respond to. First and most important, that you're being self-indulgent if you post on your blog here. I disagree completely. To me a main purpose of a blog is to provide a supportive and kind place to write about your life, and given what's going on in yours you have a lot to write about. Sure, sometimes you won't receive much feedback. Sometimes I'm more lazy than other times, that's for sure. But please rest assured that you're not being self-centered or indulgent by participating at TGG. I'd add to that that you are likely feeling at least some level of depression which is indicated to me by your self-deprecating way of writing this post. So you need us at least as much now as you did before. Safety in posting: Yes, we're all a little paranoid about Trump et al, the CIA, NSA, and FBI. But frankly, we're not talking about anything seriously interesting to them. Given that there are 300+ million people in the US alone I highly doubt that anything here even appears on their radar screen. And if it did? I guess I'd love to have the opportunity to expose their activities, which I think would raise an ire among the public at a level to which we saw recently in the Survivor episode where the trans player was outed. Reduced number of people and posts here at TGG: I agree, it's disconcerting, and I don't know why. I miss the days when we had a variety of 15-20 people always coming and going. I've talked to Mike about it who reassured me that this is a pattern he's seen before and expects the traffic to pick up before we know it. In the meantime it's up to folks like us to keep the home fires burning. On testosterone (or not): sounds to me like you need a new GP, or maybe file a complaint somewhere? Or, what exactly are her concerns and reasons for dragging her feet? That's probably the best way to approach her, like a scientist. Given that you have the independent professional assessment that taking testosterone is the proper course of action for her, what's holding her back? It might come down to her own beliefs and trans phobias, who knows. But if it does then that's good to know sooner than later because in fact you'll need to find another GP. "I hope your journeys progress the way you want them to." In fact, yesterday I drove 100 miles north, away from my wife (now ex, which pains me to write), life, and friends, on a journey that has no definite schedule or end. I'm so fortunate and grateful to be able to do this, and am looking forward to what I will find. But I'm also anxious: do I really have this in me? I guess I do, and here's another reason for you to keep writing. When I joined TGG about 2 1/2 years ago I was terribly depressed, often thinking of suicide, and about a year ago making a serious attempt at it. Now I'm freer of my depression (knock on wood) than I have ever been in my life. Man, it took a lot to get here but TGGuide was a huge help to me, and I hope and predict it will be for you, too. Love, Emma

I really like Bree's feedback. Very valuable advice in my opinion. And, as I re-read Monica's post, I am kind of saddened to read "Reasons I Should Live Alone". It's as if she's rationalizing why, all in all, she should give up on finding friendship and partnership. Yes, she has some valid considerations relating to her disability and all but as Bree said so well, all of us are gassy at times (I know this about myself in particular) and all have other issues that we bring to the party. But those are not reasons to sell ourselves short. So maybe to answer Monica's question about selling herself short, I worry that she is in some ways especially in her list about living alone.

Hi Monica, No, you're not selling yourself short at all. I do think realistic expectations are best and it's good to know what you want and need. So certainly, be open to short term relationships. Nothing wrong with that. As you said, they might grow into longer term, or "just" friendships, or people you socialize with that introduce you to others. All is good, all is available to you. I do think, though, that looking for love or friendship, either short or long term, sets us up for anxieties and problems. Get out, socialize however you want and can, and see who you meet and enjoy talking to. If it's fun, have a coffee or lunch, that sort of thing. Good for you to know yourself so well. I know you've been exploring all you can to try to meet people in on-line and other relationship services. Maybe you had to do that in order to learn and be where you are now. You're much wiser as a result and can talk knowledgeably if that subject comes up! Hugs, Emma

Hey Michele, Best wishes on overcoming your migraines. My ex-wife had them and they are truly debilitating. I think it's nice to hear about your stress response changing from wanting to physically do things to tears. I often wish I could cry more easily as it's such a huge relief. But as you say it's still good to tackle things and get them handled. We all know that procrastination doesn't bring satisfaction just more stress. Take care, Emma

Hey Michele, I'm honored and happy to be the first here to congratulate you! You go, girl, stay the course. And keep us up to date on all that's going on for you. It sounds wonderful. Warm hugs, Emma

Hi Charl, I clicked "Like This" but I am only doing so as an acknowledgment and farewell We will miss you and hope to see you return at least from time to time. Love and best wishes always, Emma

Such a nice story and outcome, Michele. Congratulations! Hope you're feeling better and better everyday. Emma

Michael, I'm sorry to read this but certainly not nearly as much as you to wrote it. Your mother sounds like a Scarlett O'Hara or maybe June Cleaver, who are steadfast in their beliefs and refuse to consider to learn realities, which is even more tragic when that involves you, her wonderful son. I recall reading from you a couple of years ago suggesting to someone that they pound the keyboard to get it out and allow us to add our support as best we can. It's not enough but it's all we have. We at least have each other's backs, if only here and spiritually. I assure you, I have your back my friend. Emma

I had not heard of random video chat but it makes sense now that I think of it. But, you wrote, "And we've let it languish into some sort of perverts only waste. We could change the world here, and we just...don't." I don't mean to put too fine a point on things but I don't see "us" (whomever that is, not me) having allowed it to languish. I think the basic problem is that there are a lot of people out there who get their jollies doing things like you described as well as promulgate fake news, run phishing and other scams, and promote hateful views, among many other things. It's tough to filter those people out. We do it here on TGG pretty well, I think, but it's all manual, not automatic or algorithmic, which is what larger sites such as FB, Twitter, and others must have. Also, who is "we" my friend? I don't think it's you or me, or any other member here in TGG. I suppose you mean "the human race?" Back to my earlier comment that somehow this filtering needs to be done automatically and I'm confident that a lot of smart people are focusing on that problem now. After all, most folks at Google, FB, Twitter, et al, aren't in love with Trump and it's reasonable to say that the fake news had a part in his election. Stay tuned. Perhaps we'll see random video connection services for people who have been pre-screened for common interests. Hmmm. Idea for a new company?

Bree, I can't tell what you're talking about. Paranoia? Over-reaction? What happened that crested these feelings, and why do you question their validity?

Hello Judy and welcome to TGGuide. It sure sounds to me like you're transgender, which is a reason you're drawn to study and consider what it is to be a woman. It's perfectly okay to crossdress on occasion to make yourself feel good. The point is to help oneself manage their dysphoria. For some (many?) cross dressing is all that they need. Or maybe it's all they can do at this point in time so it's much better and satisfying to do than try to go on without it. And of course there are many who find that crossdressing isn't enough for them, and they eventually go on to hormones and surgeries. The main thing to be aware of and accept is that being transgender isn't a choice. Also, it's not something that can be "cured", it's not a disease, and it's not going away. We are born this way and like people who are left handed or blue eyed, we deserve the same love and respect as anyone else. So I'd ask you: what is your awareness of transgender, yourself, and your acceptance of yourself? It can be hard to go through all this, it sure was for me. If it is for you, have you considered seeing a therapist? It helps to talk about this with a professional, especially therapists who are aware of gender concerns. Please look around TGGuide, learn, and post your thoughts and questions. We are all happy to help in any way that we can. Emma

Hi Bree, Congratulations on your anniversary and a belated Happy Birthday too! Emma