MonicaPz

Dear Christy, Your advice is spot-on, but I meant YouTube for the parents, NOT the children. Am very sorry I did not make this more clear. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Jeff, May I add to Emma's and Mike's excellent comments that there are excellent stories on YouTube, if you would go to www.YouTube.com, and Google, "Transgender Children." There you will find some excellent stories about children who are transgender and their parents. Also, there is a PBS channel that has some excellent programming on this topic, called World Channel. Their website is www.WorldChannel.org. Please stay in touch and feel free to ask questions. We are here for you. Yours truly, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Looking back in my life, one of the jobs I was best at, I really didn't enjoy (bookkeeping). Interestingly, despite that, I seemed to enjoy the company of bookkeepers. Am very detail oriented. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you explore career options. Yours truly, Monica

Dear MichilleLea and Emma, Agree with Emma that you need to build you experience and confidence level before leading others. As for Rich's wife, a great preventive of urinary tract infections is cranberry juice, and if you don't like it, there are gel caps with cranberry juice concentrate. Especially women, like you, need to try to prevent urinary tract infections, as they are potentially dangerous. Sometimes when men are under stress, especially involving the wife, simple supportive friendship can grow into romantic involvement. If you can, I would try to be as busy doing your job and making money that you desperately need, to avoid being "too available" for him. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Am sorry you got a bad cold, but colds and flus are going around. Got sick Sunday, June 3, in the evening and I am just starting to move again. Lived in Florida (Tampa Bay - Clearwater, St. Petersburg and Tampa - Pinellas and Hillsborough Counties) for 35 years, and despite the beautiful weather, I got my share of colds and flus! A lot of it has to do with HUMIDITY and ICE COLD air conditioning. A lot of people move from their cars (air conditioned, usually), into the heat, and, say, run into ice cold air conditioning, such as the mall or work, and get a chill. Even up here in New York, as I find myself popping in and out of malls, stores and restaurants with friends, I seem to perspire and get body odor. One thing I try to do is bring a light jacket or sweater with me, to prevent chills from A/C. Hope you are feeling well, soon. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Emma, It takes time to ferret out others' INTENTIONS. Ideally it would be great if everyone strived for a "win - win" situation. As for me, I would take every class offered to me to train and cross-train. Just watch to be sure he doesn't have a hidden agenda and that he treats you respectfully. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Emma, You are so wise to think of your eating habits BEFORE you develop a weight issue. You also do not want to retain water due to excess salt or burn out or fatigue your adrenal glands. As for me, I eat a lot of prepackaged salads (to help me with portion control) and enjoy broiled chicken and salmon with it. My weakness is eating out, especially with friends, so I try to make good choices. Reminds me of when I was living in a private men's college dormitory, and I reminded them that they will not be so active as they get older, and can count on burning it off. Mentioned it especially to the football linebacker, who I reminded that he could not count on a NFL career (average football player has a 3 year career) and needed to plan on a regular job that he is getting his education for, which is unlikely to demand the physical exertion on the football field. It makes me laugh how I was on a first name basis with the pizza delivery guys and gals, and how some parents were so concerned with their sons' eating habits, they were dropping off salads, and other healthy eats. Trying to lose weight slow and steady as you girls are doing! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, You are wise to think of your future while keeping expenses down. Not saying to live like a nun, but to make a game out of living within your means. A friend of mine and I love to shop and eat out, and we amaze ourselves and others how far we can stretch our money using coupons and choosing our stores that we shop in wisely. We hit the thrift shops and the clearance aisles. Also, it is becoming standard that people are growing businesses behind their corporate jobs. Have a friend who has a laundromat when she and her husband work for a big corporation. Another couple who works for the same corporation owns rental property all over the county, including two private college dormitories. Wishing you the best, Your friend, Monica

Dear Michele, Please let me respond . . . My looks - I focus on finding my voice, both physically and emotionally. Am a woman of size, so I work on feeling that people of all sizes and shapes are beautiful! 😉 Will I be loved for whom I am? - Always am seeking having a PURPOSE, that is, what can I contribute to my loved ones and community? 😊 Does my life matter? - Of course, your life and mine DOES matter, otherwise our Higher Power would not permit us to be on Earth. 😇 Do others like me? - Focus on having a FEW good, quality friends instead of winning a popularity contest. As for my family, I consider the T/LGBT community my family. The painful reality is that I can not make anyone like or love me. Even if I could, I wouldn't even try. 😄 Take your time to FIRST find a supportive therapist, support group and save up to attend the nearest transgender conference. Likely, your cup size will be one cup smaller than your mother's and sisters. 😯 With the right surgeon, your vagina will be indistinguishable from that of a cisgender woman's, so much so, that a gynecologist wouldn't be able to tell the difference! Have seen the vaginas of two post open transwomen (not sexually), and I could not tell the difference! 😷 As you get older, you will be less obsessed about these things, as I have! 😊 Michele, don't forget you have many friends right here, and you'll make even more (face to face) friends as you gain self-confidence. Don't forget you are going through a second (female) adolescence as you transition. 😃 Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Believe that living authentically means living a MINDFUL life as continuously as possible. We are constantly evolving, so what was authentic 10 years ago is not likely authentic TODAY, but hopefully was authentic 10 years ago. As for me, I try to be centered as possible at all times, although I am not always successful! 😉 Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Emma, Love shopping for clothes with a girlfriend as I feel two heads are better than one! Even if my sense of style is different than hers, I would like her input, after I shared with her what I am trying to achieve and why, and vice versa. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Very well said. Great advice no matter who you are! As for myself, I try to go for a TAILORED look. Two dear friends from Philadelphia, PA, send me wonderful T/LGB magazines that I learn a lot from. When I plan on visiting them, I hope I will have saved up some money to buy at some of the stores/boutiques featured in the magazines. Your friend, Monica

Dear Elsa, Steph and Emma, Sadly, I am acquainted with a Lesbian woman, who is being forced by her family to "go Straight." She used to be a "Heavy Butch," with a crew cut and wearing men's clothes. She was forced by her family to wear a feminine wig, until her hair grew out, now wearing a very feminine, curly haircut, dyed blond. Also, she is forced to wear very feminine clothes. She hates my guts, (she sees me on the bus), harassing me (the police is now involved), because, although I am not "flaming out," I am openly a Lesbian. Feel sorry for her, as all her behavior is at the behest of her family, except she takes it a step farther, having a boyfriend or husband. Apparently she was threatened with being disowned by her family. My family stopped short of forcing me to date/marry. Two deeply closeted Lesbians take me out once or twice a month (one of these times to a women's support group), and trying to help me find a girlfriend (whom I'm told will be deeply closeted, due to where I live). The fem is an executive secretary, and the butch, in the medical field. What is the upshot of all of this? Don't live a lie. Am on the waitlist for senior public housing in Burlington, VT and Seattle, WA, which may take years. May have to move sight unseen because of my very low income. For what it's worth, I see the T/LGB community as my family, not my family of origin. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Emma, Think looking APPROPRIATE and REALISTIC should be your goals looking like you are women, because you ARE women. Most older women emphasize CLOTHING and ACCESSORIES. Went out with my friend yesterday, and no one bothered us. She was a transwoman, aged 71, and I am a cisgender woman, aged 60. Try to get out with friends, as I find it so healing. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma and Mike, Have a "pen pal," of 5 years that I met through a Lesbian dating website. We write about once a week, and enjoy a satisfying friendship. Have lived in my senior public housing apartment building for 5 years, and I have no friends (as far as I know, they haven't made friends with each other, either, and I am talking about 100 people). The bottom line is that I have little in common with them. If it weren't for my flexibility in defining what a friend is, I think I would be a very lonely person. Keep loneliness at bay by taking a lot of classes in my building and at the library, and being active in TGGuide and my local T/LGB support group. Also have a lot of hobbies, such as writing and creating art. Thank you all for being my friend! 💄 Yours, Monica

Some people feel there is a new definition of friendship: persons can be friends even if they never met face-to-face or even spoke on the telephone, such as Internet "friendships." They argue the old definition of friendship, such as knowing each other's personal information (first and last names, home addresses and telephone numbers) and regularly entertaining each other in each other's homes), no longer holds true in today's day and age. In my opinion, I think some people are confusing a good acquaintance (knowing each other on a first name basis, meeting regularly at a mutually convenient spot or organization and enjoying some common interests) with a friend (the "old" definition of friend described above). Think there is confusion between "friend" and "acquaintance" because part of their definitions intersect. In my case, I break down "friends" into "close friend," "friend," and "casual friend." When it comes to an acquaintance, it is "good acquaintance," "acquaintance," and "casual acquaintance." Usually, a friendship starts as an acquaintance. When two people do not become friends, it could be because of a neutral reason, such as having nothing in common, a person having a problem (they may be ashamed about something about themselves they don't want the other person to know) or a person having a problem with the other person, such as the other person having a much lower income, I.Q., or social status, which is important to some people. There have been times in my life where I had many acquaintances/friends and other times, very few. Feel this had much to do with the culture of where I live rather than with me (or as some might say, my age). A friend recently commented to me that she had fewer friends the more successful she became in her career (it is lonely at the "top"). Would love to hear from other how their acquaintances and friends ebbed and flowed through their lives. Am grateful for your feedback.

Dear Michele, Your beauty shines from the inside out! Yours, Monica

Dear Michele, You were handsome as a man and beautiful as a woman! Yours, Monica

Dear Elsa and Christy, Really resonated with your stories as I had to struggle loving being a masculine woman (mid-butch Lesbian). Your friend, Monica

Dear Jessica, Please check with your nearest T/LGB Center and share with them what you have shared here. If you don't get results, go to the T/LGB Center in the nearest LARGE city. Please let us know how it goes. Your friend, Monica

Dear Elsa, We have many members here who are in their sixties. Just turned 60 myself. Think there are a lot of pros in transitioning as a young person (teens and 20's) and as a senior (60 +). A very young person is very elastic physically, and an older person has naturally transitioned (whether they want to or not) into a gender neutral state. Both situations are amenable to easier transitioning. On a psychological basis, young people have not started a career, and older people often are retired or have had a very successful career behind them, so the company and customers really need their services and as a result are more flexible to being accepting. Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Chrissy, Love the close-up and your cat. You are a pretty girl and have nothing to be ashamed of. Particularly like your eyes and hair! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Am very sorry to hear about your accident, but happy to hear it's covered. Am a big fan of Malala, and I hope the transgender anchor on the Pakistani news has a great career. My thoughts are with you. Yours truly, Monica

Dear TMSQUIRREL and Emma, She may be referring to a link on the site where another transgender website folded. Am using a Kindle Fire, and I get the "EX6" error message when I try to get to chat. Found other bugs, too, but I am going to see if I have better luck at the library computer, which runs on Windows 7 XP. Still, there is a lot of support to be had, especially in the Forums and Blogs. Please remember that this a recently renovated website, and be patient. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Was surfing YouTube, and came across a very sensitive video about a young man who transitioned, then detransitioned, and then transitioned AGAIN. If you go to YouTube, and search "detransition," you will find his story (very positive), and others. Your friend, Monica