MonicaPz

Dear Christy, You are not being selfish. You are being self-caring, and there is a world of difference between the two. Emma and Christy, you can not fix your exes. You can only fix yourselves. Perhaps as you heal, your exes will be inspired to work on themselves. Your friend, Monica

Dear Jessica, Am amazed and blown away! You wrote the playbook on how to come out to older family members!! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Emma, Your ex is grieving the loss of the man she married and the good marriage she had. She is fighting the feelings of loss and grieving that you have moved on. As much as we hope for a win - win scenario upon a breakup, the reality is that one person often finds a better life, and the other finds a less fulfilling life. Another thing your ex may be struggling with is that she is aging more quickly than you, and her health problems are emphasizing this. Rarely do both partners age at the same rate. An example is Barbara and George Bush. Apparently you have gotten counseling, and she has not. Would suggest she get counseling, work on getting her own circle of friends and make a plan to make the most of the rest of her life. Am very sorry to hear of both of your pain. Yours truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee and Emma, Just as an adolescent gradually transitions into a woman, the MTF also gradually transitions into a woman. Both of you girls are doing a great job! Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree, Still would not bad mouth a former employer. Be aware the deep pay cut is well worth it in the long run, as you can live with your conscience, and, sooner or later, their malfeasance will catch up with them! Karma is real. As for giving a reason, I would make a list of secondary nonjudgemental reasons. Was a bookkeeper, and I have been in your predicament. Be proactive in doing thorough research into a company before even applying. When asked why you left, throw the question back to the company you are interviewing with, stating, I left this company in order to work with a company like yours, and give your reason based on your solid research into the company you are interviewing for. Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee, Am all for separating ("leaving") once for the mind of both parties to clear (not an excuse to cheat), but more than that, it becomes a game. DeeDee, you deserve better than that! Hope to hear you have a new boundary for any future relationships. Just to let you know . . . she's no prize! Your friend, Monica

Dear DeeDee, First, about hair removal. If I had never shaved or have not shaved in a long time, I would remove the long hairs with a razor. Use the razor designed for women, with the women's gel. Suggest you to shower first, to soften the hair. Then, you can use the epilator for maintenance. Second, try to reach out and make friends with both cisgender and transgender women. These platonic friendships will be your lifeline. Don't even think about dating at this point - you have too much on your plate. You need and deserve support! Everyone experiences the feeling of being a fraud during a learning curve in anything. Right now I am struggling to see myself as a real artist, not a fraud, when I am struggling to find my voice as an artist, and sometimes I don't like my own art! Know a musician who feels the same, as they freeze up in front of an audience. The only solution for all concerned is to keep trucking on, one day at a time. About the fingernails - all women occasionally break a nail - that is what artificial nails are for! DeeDee, it will get better! Your friend, Monica

Dear DeeDee, In my opinion, a "good woman," whether transgender or cisgender, is judged by her character. In my book, DeeDee, you are a good woman! Your friend, Monica

Dear Jessica, Will ask my friends from Keystone who are marriage/relationship/family experts if they have any books/literature about coming out to adult children, but it seems like you pulled the trigger already! LOL! 😄 Please note it is not "sexual preference," but "sexual orientation," as it is now understood that we do not choose our sexual orientation, but that it is inborn. Also, your sexual orientation is in reference to your true gender (female). You are wise to let love wait as you have a lot on your plate. Your friend, Monica

Dear Princess Leah, Am confused by your comment, "trying to include her." Do you mean sexually? May I ask, is this an open marriage, because you mention having a wife as well as boyfriend. If you are having relations outside your marriage, please take precautions. Yours truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee, May I suggest Dickinson's witch hazel. Have found it the best for me. Also, I know a lady pushing her 90's, and she has been moisturizing daily since her late 20's to 30's, and she STILL does not have a wrinkle on her face! Your friend, Monica

Dear DeeDee, There is an Aloe Vera gel available in the pharmacy. It looks like razor burn. Yes, there are cisgender women who have 5 O'Clock shadow. Have a goatee I have to shave almost every day. Also, I have a friend that has a goatee that grows to about 2 inches, and the staff at my adult social program, have to shave it off for her. They have high standards for grooming, and I have seen the staff wash people's hair, cut the hair of a man and shave his scraggly beard, and groom people's fingernails. DeeDee, I wish all cisgender people were as concerned about their grooming as transwomen and transmen! Think my turn at being groomed by the staff is coming sooner than later! LOL! 🛀 💈 🚿 Your friend, Monica

Dear Frank, Please consider women's clothing catalogs and studying the size charts before ordering. Here are two excellent catalogs that I recommend: https://www.womanwithin.com https://www.roamans.com Do you have an understanding cisgender female or transgender friend who could study the catalogs with you? Our members are kind, supportive, knowledgeable and non-judgemental. Please keep in touch with us. We are here for you! Yours truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee, Part of your pain is that your wife is getting involved with a man she hardly knows "on the rebound," possibly to spite you, but what she is not yet aware of is that she is about to shoot herself in the foot. Am concerned her "fiance" is not truly free to marry, and that he has an acrimonious relationship with his "ex-wife." If she could just get out of the place where she wants to spite you and save face, she could calm down and slow down. It would behoove her to get to know her "fiance's" friends, family, and most importantly, ex-wife. If you love your wife and can see beyond your pain, I beg you to visit this website: https://www.lovefraud.com Please study it carefully, because I am sure your ex-wife is about to be skinned alive by this man! Once you have educated yourself (it is a very information-dense website like TGGuide), I beg you to share it with her. NO DECENT MAN RUSHES THE RELATIONSHIP! Please keep us posted, as we all are thinking of and praying for you. Your friend, Monica

Dear Jennifer, A cisgender woman's nipples get erect under two conditions: when she is cold, or when she is sexually aroused. Makes me recall getting my senior picture took as a high school senior. When the photographer said, "think about your sweetheart," my nipples stood out like toothpaste caps! Was wearing a knit bra and over that, a knit dress. When I got my pictures back, I was devastated. Certainly didn't buy them, but they were in full color in the yearbook! LOL! 😕 Your friend, Monica

Dear Anunitu, When I got encephalitis from a mosquito bite in Fishkill, N.Y., that led to my life-long disability, (epilepsy, chronic fatigue, among other sequelae), I, too, wondered if I would have been better off if I passed. Turned out I did more as a Disabled woman than had I never became disabled at all! What hurt me the most was how judgemental people were who did not understand the full extent of my disability, because at first glance, I looked very well. Learned I had to tune such people out, and for those people I wanted to give a second chance, to patiently explain it to them. Don't give up! Your truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee, Wish I had a sister. (All my siblings are all boys and older.) Asked my mother for a sister when I was 10 years old, and my mother gave me a female dog, telling me she didn't want to hear anymore about it. LOL! 😉 Consider all my female friends my sisters and all my male friends my brothers! 💮 DeeDee, welcome to sisterhood! Your friend, Monica

Dear DeeDee, You may be an intuitive, which is a very sensitive person that tends to absorb the energy of others. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Tilly, PLEASE be VERY careful with herbs or anything else that is not prescribed by a doctor, because it was likely not prepared in a pharmacy. You do not know how clean the facility was where it was prepared, or what has been added to it. Not all women respond the same way to a medication. If you get sick or do not get timely results from a medication, please tell your doctor, so it can be switched out. Be aware the average cup size among cisgender women is a B cup. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Jessica, Happens I use a Medicaid cab twice a week to go to an adult social program an hour away. Tip them a small tip each way, (wish I could tip them more, but I can't because I have a very low income). Am glad I have a professional, clean and sober driver. If they had to hang around all day, I would pay for their meal at a restaurant and to hang out at a coffee house. That Italian couple were probably seeking the advice of a specialist, and I rejoice that they were in your care! Yours truly, Monica

Everyone, please pray for Alex. He is asking everyone to pray for him.

Dear DeeDee, There are companies that RENT ladies clothing online. Try Googling "online companies that rent ladies clothing," and several should come up. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Tilly, Strongly recommend you wash your underarms before going to bed, in order to give your underarms a chance to rest. If you shave, this is when you want to do it, to give your underarms a chance to heal from any small cuts caused by shaving. Yours truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee and Christy, Your discussion about BO in men and women struck a memory decades ago. Was speaking to a group of Gaymales, and I said men and women have different smells. Men had a sour smell and women had a sweet smell. They told me they could not stand the smell of women, and that they smelled like fish. Interestingly, Straight men LOVE the smell of women. The Gaymales said I was the first Lesbian to make a note of this, although Gaymales talk about this a lot among themselves. Would have to add that Gaymales love the square lines of men while Straight men LOVE the curves of women. As for deodorants/antiperspirants, my favorite is Secret Solid Powder Fresh. It comes in a two-pack, is long-lasting, and is inexpensive. The only downside is that it leaves a white streak on the inside of dark clothes, but it washes out easily. DeeDee, I absolutely love the cartoon (I noticed it was made by a woman) and its powerful yet hopeful message! Your friend, Monica