MonicaPz

Dear Friends,

Please don't confuse "self-caring" with "selfish."  They are two different things.  All of you ladies are talking about self-caring, which is a very good thing!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dawn,

On a related subject, large breasts make some men think the woman is "easy," when breast size has nothing to do with character.

Have been able to slim down several times in my life, and I have noticed people treating me better when I was slimmer than when I was more heavy.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Friends,

Keeping it short and sweet is the way to go, along with keeping the lines of communication open.

Please say "sexual orientation," rather than the older term, "sexual preference," as Gays (as well as transgender) did not choose to be this way.

By the way, sexual orientation is in reference to a person's true gender, which is the one they identify with.

Be patient with yourself; it takes time to know your sexual orientation.

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear Dee,

There are also Blogs for SOs who support their spouses during their transition. Am sorry for the SOs who are stuck with their anger and bitterness, and spreading it around the Internet.

As for shaving, I wish my mother taught me how to shave! Unfortunately, I shaved for the first time before my prom - and I cut myself up to smithereens, using my father's razor! Attended prom with Band-Aids all over! Still seem to cut myself on occasion, even though razor technology has improved through the years!

Oh, what a girl has to go through to look beautiful . . .

Your friend,

Monica

Dear DebraMichelle,

Am so proud of you that you nipped an abusive relationship in the bud, and that you did not marry the three other unsupportive ones!

There are many good women who are attracted to and marry transgender women, because they tend to be much kinder and gentler. Many will say, "they were so much more different than any other man I dated," even before they knew they were transgender. They knew something was different about them, even before they had a word for it!

Bravo for the open-minded judge!

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear Dee,

Really identify with this.

Fear of change (younger people and people from NYC moving in), resulted in bullying in my public housing. Management reacted proactively but waited too late, to address it. Now these insecure people have to deal with public housing turning into Section 8, with a more traditional landlord/tenant relationship.

Change is inevitable! Whether it is for better or worse, is up to us!!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Blackangel,

Believe animals were put on this Earth to teach human beings to be kind, forgiving and give unconditional love.  There are many broken people who find healing in animals.  

Learning good animal stewardship should be every human being's goal.

Please find it in your heart to forgive those that have hurt you.  Don't let them live rent-free in your mind.

There are good people out there.  Trust in the Universe in finding them.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dawn,

Love your picture.

Think this is an important dialogue for women, as we live in a fat shaming culture.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dawn,

The average weight of women in the US is 169 pounds and average size is 16.

Worldwide, the weight and size of both men and women is increasing.

Obviously, fat distribution varies between men and women, but to varying degrees. We all can recall in high school some girls (even Straight girls) being mistaken for boys, although boys in high school were rarely mistaken for girls. Hormones that control fat distribution kick in between age 12 to 17.

Of course, as we age, the fat distribution can change radically for some, such as myself, due to adrenal burnout.

Then, the dropping off of hormones during the senior years make many seniors androgynous. Knew a heavy butch Lesbian who, at 75 years old, if you threw a suit on her, could pass for a man.

The major shapes of adult women are proportionate, pear, apple and box. Am box shaped myself. Look nothing like my younger years (I am 61, almost 62).

How do I deal with this? Do the best I can to eat a healthy diet, exercise (walking) as much as I can, although it is very hard for me to lose weight, and it gets harder the older I get.

How do I cope with this? Accepting others of all sizes and shapes, and celebrating the diversity of the human form. Finding the best cut and color of clothing that flatters my body shape and personality.

Dawn, you are a beautiful person, both inside and out, and I view you as an athletic, but feminine woman.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dawn,

To me, the major determinant as to a person being a woman or a man is behavior.

In high school, I had a Straight girlfriend who was 6'4". Also in high school, I knew a 3'8" man, who was also Straight. Have known men and women of every shape and size, of all genders and sexual orientations.

Heavy and fine bones are found in both men and women.

Ultimately, I look between the ears as character is all-important.

Dawn, I find you very ladylike.

As for myself, I was accused as being butch on the outside and fem on the inside, when what I really am is a well-mannered mid-butch Lesbian.

Think we should strive for consistency in behavior, while leaving room to grow. Behavior should steadily change for the better as we grow.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dawn,

Felt very safe when I was in Seattle, but I kept everything daytime (and I sense most others did, too, Gay and Straight) because most activities at the Seattle LGBT Center, were in the daytime. Think you could be openly T/LGB, such as PDA (public display of affection, such as hand holding) only in "Gay City," a neighborhood that the LGBT Center was located in.

Only now am I catching up with my Blog, as I got serious ill (from a pre-existing condition) and it took me a month to recover, and I am still seeing specialists about it. 

Your friend,

Monica

Dear DeeDee,

About your exercise, first you will lose water (not inches), then you will lose fat (and inches).

May I make a suggestion about eyewear? Try to go to a physical store where you can try on frames as DeeDee, even if you have to go out of town to do it. Try to avoid frames that are above your eyebrows and wider than your face. Ideally, your frames should be even with your eyebrows and even with your face length-wise.

Hopes this helps.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Emma,

Sounds like your wife was a drama queen. That is how I describe people who live marriage (and life) crisis to crisis.

Glad you have found peace in your authenticity!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Blackangel,

Forgot to ask you to comment on 🐹 hamsters, although my building will not allow those, too, because they are small rodents.

Mice and rats are considered pests, because in the wild, they do invade homes in search of food. People fear a pet 🐁 mouse or 🐀 rat would go into "survival mode," and become a pest, or breed with nearby rats and mice, creating "wild" animals that will become pests.

Think people should learn responsibly cared for rats and mice are very different than the wild kind, and make good pets.

What is behind the phobia of rats and mice are the fear of disease and being bitten.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Blackangel,

How cute! Love the pictures!!

Does this advice apply to guinea pigs and mice?

In public housing, rats are not allowed as pets (only small 🐦 birds, 🐈 cats and 🐕 dogs). Also, no 🐍 snakes or other exotic pets. Think mice are also not allowed. Not sure about guinea pigs, as they are considered rodents, too.

Always loved mice and guinea pigs, so I am just curious.

Did you take those lovely pictures?

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Karen,

Have a nosy neighbor who lives on the ground floor of my apartment building and she has 4 inch vertical blinds in her apartment window. Can see the little red LED light on her video camera after dark. Am OK with it because it is another camera watching to keep down crime.

However, she is rude when checking on the "cooling room" on her floor, when she opened the door, stared at me and closed the door. (My A/C was on the fritz and I was in there online creating art.) What bothered me was that she knows me, didn't say hello or ask how I'm doing. 

Karen, I wish we had more open dialogue.

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear Dee and Emma,

Wore glasses since childhood, and nothing makes you feel better than finding a style that flatters you. Presently sitting in a Seattle WA cafe, with my trusty second pair by my side . . .

Never ordered glasses online, although it is available in the US.

Feel that it is very important to get your glasses properly fitted for comfort and for looks. Personally, I don't like the top of my eyewear to be under or over my eyebrows, and I don't like my eyewear sticking out beyond my face, or not coming to the edge of my face.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dee,

Love the color and cut of your dress . . . it looks Scottish, and flatters your waist and chest. 

You have great taste!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Karen,

Miss you very much but I rejoice at the good news!

My heartfelt thanks for sharing your life so openly with us. We have learned more than you can know!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dee and Emma,

Emma, that is a great suggestion! Find YouTube very healing! Am on it every night, I must confess!

Dee, try typing, "grieving after a divorce," "grieving after losing a child through divorce," and for your son, "grieving after losing a sibling through divorce."

Please let us know how it goes!

Your friend,

Monica 

Dear Dee,

Keep in touch with us on a regular basis, both when times are good as well as when times are bad.

Also, here are some T/LGB warm lines that I found very supportive:

LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564 and 1-888-234-7243

LGBT Peer Counseling: 1-215-732-8255

SAGE: 1-888-234-7243

Know these are all USA numbers.

Happen to call one of them about once every three months. The secret is to call a warm line (as opposed to a "crisis" line) before you are overwhelmed.

Also, try to work towards to having a small circle of friends, both face to face, telephone friends, as well as online.

You may ask if anyone here on TGGuide lives near your city.

We are here for you!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Friends,

Have written articles, journals, letters, etc., and come upon them 6 months, 1 year, 2 years later, etc., and said, "did I write that?!!"

You should expect that. It's called growth!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear DeeDee,

One thing I do through the years is to speak into an audio recorder as if I was talking to a good friend. Then I play it back, and think how I would counsel her.

Hope this helps.

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear DeeDee,

Absolutely love your feminine pictures and I hope they inspire you.

Think you are a beautiful woman without the filters, too!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Emma,

Emma, I can't agree with you more. Years ago, I visited San Francisco with a view to moving there from Tampa Bay, Florida. Yes, I was impressed that it seemed very welcoming, but I was amazed how many fundamentalist evangelical Christians were living there.

MichelleLea, at age 61, I decided to pursue being an artist. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but I am pleased that I am making steady progress!

You both are courageous women who inspire me to live life fearlessly!

Gratefully yours,

Monica