MonicaPz
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Blog Comments posted by MonicaPz
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Dear MichelleLea,
Glad to hear from you again!
If you have an idea where you will be going, such as up and down the east coast, or up and down the west coast, you may be able to ask members who live on the way to have a cup of coffee with you.
We are here for you.
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear Dee,
Can't emphasize enough about journaling, and I would also like to suggest creating art, no matter how crappy. Take art classes. If you don't like the results with one medium, try another. Force yourself to sign each piece, no matter how bad, with your female name. Slowly, but surely, your art will improve, and speak to you!
Also, read every non-fiction story you can get your hands on about MTF transgender people. There you will find your sisters.
We are your sisters, too, and are there for you!
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear Jessica,
Not transgender, but a cisgender Lesbian, yet I know what it means to be hidden.
Called my oldest brother, after years of no contact, and his son in law picked up the phone, and when I said I was his sister, he was amazed, as he was told he had no sisters! Interestingly, his wife and step daughter kept his wife's ex-husband's name, instead of taking his name!
Have no contact with the rest of my relatives (cousins, aunts and uncles), but I consider my T/LGB friends my family!
Sadly, my T/LGB cousins live on the other coast (Portland, OR), with no contact. Also, I have a bisexual (really Gay) brother in a miserable marriage, for fear of the treatment I and his T/LGB cousins received.
A few years ago, I went to a family reunion, and saw how my family treated a second cousin's wife, who is an American Black, and her children, who are racially mixed, and the husband of another second cousin, who is a motorcycle club (not gang) member.
They are not my family, you (T/LGBs) are my family!
Your sister,
Monica
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Dear Blackangel,
Know you and I can't do this now, due to disability, but, years ago, I cleaned a therapist's office (the building and parking lot) because she was an excellent therapist. She offered me free counseling, but I couldn't accept it for free, but to respect myself, offered my cleaning services in trade. Did this on a weekly basis for weekly therapy.
Now, because public mental health services are so poor, when I need therapy, I save up my money to have one session per month with a private therapist. Once a month is better than none at all.
Just a thought.
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear Blackangel,
Emma has excellent advice.
May I add, please write down what is right with your life, in detail.
Emma is right. There is a world of difference between "feeling depressed," and "being depressed." A feeling comes and goes, and it is unwise to make important decisions based on feelings. Being implies that that depressed describes your intrinsic character.
Am not a trained professional, but I think your depression is a feeling, in that it comes and goes. But, anytime someone repeatedly feels depressed, this is a wake-up call to seek professional help.
There is no shame in seeking professional help and taking medication (I feel if someone takes medication, they should also be in counseling).
Have never been on medication, but I have been in counseling off and on my whole life, and I have no shame whatsoever.
Blackangel, we are here for you.
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
One more thing, I like the cut of the wig, and I think a blond wig will flatter you better.
Just my opinion . . .
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
Even though you have your eyes covered, I can still see you are a beautiful woman!
Also, I love your fingernails!!
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear Jessica,
What breaks my heart is that the children suffer the most.
Sadly, presently the adoption rules are changing constantly, not only in the U.S., but also other countries, such as Russia.
An adoption lawyer, particularly one with international experience, should be involved from the beginning.
My question for the two fathers: why use a surrogate, especially overseas, when there are so many children already here, both in the U.S. and overseas, that need loving parents?
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
See, you are one of the girls!
In Sisterhood,
Monica
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Take lots of pictures! Especially wanna see that wig in the trans colors!! LOL!!!
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Dear Emma,
There will always be a certain number of Lesbians that will not accept you as a woman. They, hopefully, will be in the minority (large minority?), or even the majority (small majority?)
The question is, do you need to be accepted and friends with EVERYONE?
In my case, some people, Lesbians included, do not accept me for being a woman of size, poor, disabled, and average-looking. As I see it, that's THEIR LOSS, not mine!
You have to accept, like me, that you will win no popularity contests, but should REJOICE that you have a SMALL CIRCLE OF QUALITY FRIENDS.
Take my word for it, most "popular" women (and men for that matter!) are NO MORE HAPPIER in the long run than the average Jane or Joe. Saw this for myself over and over, and now studies prove it!
Accept their friendship for what it is, and always keep searching to ADD to your circle of friends. Perhaps they will rethink their attitudes when they see your new friends accept you for the woman you are.
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear Christy,
You are not being selfish. You are being self-caring, and there is a world of difference between the two.
Emma and Christy, you can not fix your exes. You can only fix yourselves.
Perhaps as you heal, your exes will be inspired to work on themselves.
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear Jessica,
Am amazed and blown away!
You wrote the playbook on how to come out to older family members!!
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear Emma,
Your ex is grieving the loss of the man she married and the good marriage she had.
She is fighting the feelings of loss and grieving that you have moved on.
As much as we hope for a win - win scenario upon a breakup, the reality is that one person often finds a better life, and the other finds a less fulfilling life.
Another thing your ex may be struggling with is that she is aging more quickly than you, and her health problems are emphasizing this. Rarely do both partners age at the same rate. An example is Barbara and George Bush.
Apparently you have gotten counseling, and she has not. Would suggest she get counseling, work on getting her own circle of friends and make a plan to make the most of the rest of her life.
Am very sorry to hear of both of your pain.
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee and Emma,
Just as an adolescent gradually transitions into a woman, the MTF also gradually transitions into a woman.
Both of you girls are doing a great job!
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear Bree,
Still would not bad mouth a former employer. Be aware the deep pay cut is well worth it in the long run, as you can live with your conscience, and, sooner or later, their malfeasance will catch up with them!
Karma is real.
As for giving a reason, I would make a list of secondary nonjudgemental reasons.
Was a bookkeeper, and I have been in your predicament.
Be proactive in doing thorough research into a company before even applying.
When asked why you left, throw the question back to the company you are interviewing with, stating, I left this company in order to work with a company like yours, and give your reason based on your solid research into the company you are interviewing for.
Hope this helps.
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
Am all for separating ("leaving") once for the mind of both parties to clear (not an excuse to cheat), but more than that, it becomes a game.
DeeDee, you deserve better than that!
Hope to hear you have a new boundary for any future relationships.
Just to let you know . . . she's no prize!
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
First, about hair removal. If I had never shaved or have not shaved in a long time, I would remove the long hairs with a razor. Use the razor designed for women, with the women's gel. Suggest you to shower first, to soften the hair. Then, you can use the epilator for maintenance.
Second, try to reach out and make friends with both cisgender and transgender women. These platonic friendships will be your lifeline. Don't even think about dating at this point - you have too much on your plate. You need and deserve support!
Everyone experiences the feeling of being a fraud during a learning curve in anything.
Right now I am struggling to see myself as a real artist, not a fraud, when I am struggling to find my voice as an artist, and sometimes I don't like my own art! Know a musician who feels the same, as they freeze up in front of an audience.
The only solution for all concerned is to keep trucking on, one day at a time.
About the fingernails - all women occasionally break a nail - that is what artificial nails are for!
DeeDee, it will get better!
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
In my opinion, a "good woman," whether transgender or cisgender, is judged by her character.
In my book, DeeDee, you are a good woman!
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear Jessica,
Will ask my friends from Keystone who are marriage/relationship/family experts if they have any books/literature about coming out to adult children, but it seems like you pulled the trigger already! LOL! 😄
Please note it is not "sexual preference," but "sexual orientation," as it is now understood that we do not choose our sexual orientation, but that it is inborn.
Also, your sexual orientation is in reference to your true gender (female).
You are wise to let love wait as you have a lot on your plate.
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear Princess Leah,
Am confused by your comment, "trying to include her." Do you mean sexually?
May I ask, is this an open marriage, because you mention having a wife as well as boyfriend.
If you are having relations outside your marriage, please take precautions.
Yours truly,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
May I suggest Dickinson's witch hazel. Have found it the best for me.
Also, I know a lady pushing her 90's, and she has been moisturizing daily since her late 20's to 30's, and she STILL does not have a wrinkle on her face!
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear DeeDee,
There is an Aloe Vera gel available in the pharmacy.
It looks like razor burn.
Yes, there are cisgender women who have 5 O'Clock shadow.
Have a goatee I have to shave almost every day.
Also, I have a friend that has a goatee that grows to about 2 inches, and the staff at my adult social program, have to shave it off for her. They have high standards for grooming, and I have seen the staff wash people's hair, cut the hair of a man and shave his scraggly beard, and groom people's fingernails.
DeeDee, I wish all cisgender people were as concerned about their grooming as transwomen and transmen!
Think my turn at being groomed by the staff is coming sooner than later! LOL! 🛀 💈 🚿
Your friend,
Monica
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Dear Frank,
Please consider women's clothing catalogs and studying the size charts before ordering.
Here are two excellent catalogs that I recommend:
Do you have an understanding cisgender female or transgender friend who could study the catalogs with you?
Our members are kind, supportive, knowledgeable and non-judgemental.
Please keep in touch with us.
We are here for you!
Yours truly,
Monica
Moving On 2
in Random thoughts and ideas
A blog by MichelleLea in General
Posted
Dear MichelleLea,
Be careful making longterm/permanent plans with someone who has a history of going hot and cold.
If I were you, I would focus on building a circle of friends, both face to face as well as online.
Have you explored why you are drawn to this woman or why you are attracted to the idea of having a "mistress?" Do you know her backstory as to why she needs a "slave?" Fear this arrangement may invite abuse.
Your friend,
Monica