MonicaPz

Dear Jennifer,

Must confess that starting May 1st, that the COVID-19 crisis started to get to me. Had gone a month trying to be independent of my 2 friends taking me shopping and I was forced to ask my youngest brother for help (I learned he had not gone to the grocery store for over a month, he orders instead. Thankfully, his wife shared how she does this). Last week, I requested my 2 friends help, and they came through for me. Am accepting help from the food bank, and they have been very kind to me. Have food stamps and money, the problem is I don't drive due to epilepsy. Buses and cabs are shut down.

Sadly, with little to distract me, I found myself stewing over my poor relationship with my 3 brothers and half brother.

Wish I could give you advice, but what I am doing is that I am taking online courses, webinars and I am on YouTube a lot.

Also, I really like the new TGGuide Zoom peer support group. Jennifer, please come back next Sunday. The updated link is on the post.

Focus on the people who care for and love you, like your Beloved. Don't drive her away. Ignore the turkeys.

Try to have something to look forward to do every day. Am trying to fill up my paper calendar and Google calendar (with reminders), because if it doesn't get written down, it gets forgotten!

You have real friends here at TGGuide. 

We are here for you.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dee and Emma,

Being rejected by my family gave me permission to reinvent myself. My homosexuality was the tip of the iceberg in an already toxic family.

My true family is the T/LGB family!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Emma,

Lived my early life, and much of my middle aged life, as a "people pleaser," so much so, that I was totally out of touch with myself.

Had I been more in touch with myself, my life would have been a lot easier.

As I have gotten older, I am being more and more my authentic self.

Better late than never . . .

Your friend,

Monica 

Dear Dee,

On occasion, a MTF transgender person who was attracted to females as a man, is attracted to men after they have transitioned.

By the way, this is not homosexuality, as your sexual orientation is determined by your true gender (the gender you identify as) and the gender of the other person.

Ultimately, this question is resolved after you have transitioned.

As you progress in your transition, you will have more and more dreams as a woman, and fewer and fewer as a man.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Black Angel,

Am disabled myself, (ambulatory, on a cane), but I have many friends who are severely disabled.

Trying to find purpose in helping others and allowing others to help me.

Ultimately, we are all damaged people, including you and I. The important thing is to overcome our defects to be there for each other.

Yours in Sisterhood,

Monica

Dear Emily,

Realize that COVID-19 has thrown a wrench into everyone's lives.

Normally, I would suggest gender support groups and gender conferences as an adjunct to professional counseling and group therapy.

Until this COVID-19 thing blows over, may I recommend you stay in touch with TGGuide and please check out this resource:

Trans Lifeline

Tel: 877-565-8860

Hope this helps.

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear Dee,

Am sheltering in place, only going out once a week to shop. 

Lots of empty shelves, especially paper products, soap and hand sanitizer.

All restaurants, movie theaters/playhouses/concert and sporting venues are closed.

Have rescheduled all my doctor's appointments three months into the future.

Yet, I caught my 85 year old neighbor hugging and kissing (on the cheek) her neighbor last Sunday, after being told to maintain a 6 foot "social distance." Warned her again how serious this is, and also not to shake hands or do fist bumps. Instead, we are encouraged to do "Namaste," and the Japanese bow.

This is in upstate New York.

Everyone, please stay safe and healthy.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dee,

Still stand by my advice that you need to learn all you can about sociopathy. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is considered a sociopathic personality disorder. Yes, your mother may have had a bad childhood, but many people survive abusive childhoods without becoming sociopaths.

This is not about hating your mother or seeing her as a "bad guy," but about protecting yourself from her personality disorder, which can be very destructive to everyone around her.

Hope this clarifies my position.

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear Dee,

Am going to say something that might not be popular.

You say that your mother, or other family members imply that you may be mentally ill. This is often a favorite control mechanism for sociopaths.

May be right, or I may be wrong. Please research sociopathy:

https://www.LoveFraud.com

Over 10 percent of the world's population is sociopathic.

Your mother and other loved ones have a right not to approve of transgender people, but not to accuse them of mental illness.

You may never gain the approval of your family. Yet, over time they may come to accept you as a transgender person.

Perhaps, as you explore if you are really transgender or not, you may have to put some distance between yourself and your family.

Many of us here at TGGuide did reconcile with their family, but there are many others who have had to accept that they have had to build families of choice.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Briannah,

Congratulations 🎉❣️👏 on your 21st wedding anniversary!

Agree that a marriage has to be built every day, like a garden has to be tended to every day. A marriage can not run itself on autopilot, just like a car can not be expected to run itself (ok, at least not until very recently!)

Briannah, I live you open and honest dialogue!

Love the "Blooming Onion" at the Outback Steakhouse!

Again, congratulations on your wedding anniversary, and may you and Nikki have many more!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Dee,

Your goals are always moving . . . that is a sign of growth.

Every ten years, every cell in your body is replaced at least once. You literally are not the same person you were ten years ago.

Looking back, I find I am very different than I was six months ago, a year ago, two years ago, etc. That explains when I reread an article I wrote six months ago, that I was actually proud of, and I find myself saying, "I can't believe I wrote that!"

Am sure if you look back, you will notice you have been making amazing progress!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Briannah,

Will look at the DASH diet again!

Thanks!!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Briannah,

Friend of mine who had been both shot and stabbed told me that was nothing compared to his gall bladder going bad.

My blood pressure is 130/92, and I know I have to do something about it. Also, my blood sugar is on the high end of normal.

Problem is I love to eat!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Briannah,

Had my gall bladder removed, too. Was in so much pain, I was glad when I had it removed!

Was 40 years old when I had it removed.

At 19 years old, I had my 4 wisdom teeth removed. Had it done under IV sedation, which I highly recommend. 

Thankfully, I always had excellent doctors and dentists.

Recommend you thoroughly research and vet all your doctors and dentists, as well as hospitals, in advance.

A good website for this is:

https://www.HealthGrades.com

Seems throughout your life, they take some things out and put some things in!

Looked at the DASH diet, but I felt I probably could not adhere to it. Am on a "Greens and Beans" diet, where I eat 25 percent meat and 75 percent vegetables.

Be well, my friend!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Emily,

Like any other woman, you will have your ups and downs.

Keep up reading all you can on TGGuide (you won't be able to do it in a day - there's a lot to read!), going to support groups and see where the nearest gender conference to your home is. Sign up for their newsletter.

Have you considered counseling with a gender therapist? Or trying gender group therapy?

Keep reading and learning all you can.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your patience in teaching me how to set up my images on my Blog. You can be sure I will pass it on. Would be grateful if you would put this information in the Forums, as I know many others would welcome this information.

Have myself referred to transgender people as "transgenders," in the not too distant past, and to Gay people as "gays," as well.

The reality is that language changes through the years.

Mike, what counts is intention although I hope everyone would welcome correction, so they can keep their use of language up to date.

Love learning and passing it on.

Yes, we learn for a lifetime!

Gratefully yours, 

Monica

Dear Emily,

Love that you not only want to be a woman, but live the day by day life of a woman!

In Sisterhood,

Monica

Dear Jessica and Emma,

As a post menopausal Lesbian, I would like to comment on the aging vagina.

First, two transwomen friends of mine showed me (non-sexually) their post op vaginas, and, for the life of me, looking 18 inches away, I literally could not tell their vaginas from a cisgender woman's vagina!

Had a radical hysterectomy for uterine cancer, at age 42 (presently I am 62) and, at first I was put on estrogen pills, and when I couldn't tolerate that, progesterone. Next came the patch, then the cream, which I also couldn't tolerate.

Through the years, my sex drive gradually went away, and my vagina and urethra (where you pee) became thin, dry, and eventually atrophied. 

Can no longer even put my baby finger in there. Also, I can no longer tolerate a gynecological exam. No only that, I have urinary incontinence as a result.

What I am trying to say is, that although many older women enjoy sexual relations, there are also many like me who enjoy companionship only. In my case, I do not miss romantic relationships and sexual intercourse.

There is a website that I highly recommend for Lesbians and other women who love women (transgender women are warmly welcome) called Conscious Girlfriend:

https://www.ConsciousGirlfriend.com

Wishing the both of you the best in your journey!

Yours in Sisterhood,

 Monica

Dear Jessica,

Love your swimsuit!

Post-op, you will quickly get your answers.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Jessica,

In my opinion, this is a joyous moment because when you were baptized as your other gender, you had an error in form, no fault of the priest, because your outward appearance was of the other gender.

Feel that we have gender in the spiritual realm. By the way, I also feel angels have gender.

Congratulations on your true baptism!

Yours in Sisterhood,

Monica

Dear Dee,

Happy New Year 🎉🎈 and Decade to you, too!

Remember, one out of four cisgender women wear wigs and/or hair pieces.

You were wise to enjoy a quiet New Year's 😉 celebration with your sister.

Interestingly, I almost had Chinese takeout, too!

Celebrated New Year's doing a deep clean of my apartment and wishing all my friends a Happy New Year's.

Wishing all my friends at TGGuide a Happy New Year and Decade!

Your friend,

Monica 

Dear Emma,

Joined TGGuide only six months before you, and I became an unofficial greeter at TGGuide a short time after that.

Am not transgender, but I reached out to TGGuide because I had such a positive experience with the transgender community when I lived in Tampa Bay, Florida. 

Emma, thank you for reaching out to me when I was exploring Seattle, Washington, as a possible future home.

Thanks to your friendship, support and encouragement, I was able to survive a very homophobic environment, to the point of making T/LGB face to face friends and fighting for T/LGB rights locally (along with many others) to the point of having a Pride in Poughkeepsie, NY and a Pride ballgame in Wappingers Falls, NY.

Without you, Emma, and my other TGGuide friends, I would not only have survived, but thrived in upstate New York!

May you, Emma, and all my other TGGuide friends have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Love always,

Monica

P.S.  Can't believe it has been five years on TGGuide!

Dear Bree,

Have severe allergies and moderate asthma.

Probably I should be sleep tested again.

Years ago I participated in a research study to see if acupuncture can help irritable bowel syndrome (it does!) and I found it helped my mental health, too (it made me calmer and more relaxed).

Unfortunately, acupuncture is not covered by Medicare/Medicaid. 

Thankfully, I have always had excellent care (I aggressively advocate for others and myself).

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Bree,

Knew sleep apnea can lead to heart disease, but not depression.

Had been diagnosed years ago with borderline sleep apnea years ago. 

My oldest brother has sleep apnea.

As for myself, my youngest brother told me that he never heard someone snore as loud as me, so loud the whole house can hear it. He and his wife actually got up in the middle of the night to check on me.

Don't know if it is related, but my dentist but tells me I show signs of grinding my teeth at night.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Blackangel,

Am concerned that she changed very suddenly from being very supportive to not being accepting at all.

Are you aware of what happened that she suddenly changed her mind?

There are transgender "warmlines" and "hotlines" where you can talk this through, even though the volunteer operators are not professional counselors. Google "transgender hotlines" and "transgender warmlines."

There are books for the significant others of transgender people.

May I ask, is your wife speaking with a friend or family member that is hostile to transgender people?

Are you friends with other couples where one of the partners is transgender? Having friends with others like this may help her feel less isolated.

Having a disability and being transgender is a double whammy. My being disabled and my partner being transgender meant we weren't well accepted by the Lesbian community, but we became close to three other couples where the butch Lesbian was cisgender and the femme Lesbian was transgender. We gave each other a lot of support and socialized together.

Would like to invite our members who have experienced their partner who "suddenly changed their mind," or where one partner was transgender and disabled, and the other able-bodied, or the cisgender partner was disabled and the transgender partner was able-bodied.

Your friend,

Monica