Dating Transsexuals

Dating: What Does a Transsexual Girl Want?

Anonymous Article Submission

Webmaster’s Note: This is a good glimpse inside the mind of one transsexual. This member’s comments are fairly typical for a self-identified transsexual. This is good reading for a male admirer who hopes to develop a meaningful relationship with a pre-op or post-op transsexual.

Every transgender girl is different, so I can only talk about my experiences. Being that I am highly active in the largest inter-mountain transgendered group in Utah, and write a monthly article entitled “Pride!” for the newsletter we publish, and also the fact that I am currently a pre-op TS, I think I have some valuable knowledge on the subject.

First of all, let’s get a few things straight: if you are a guy who is entertaining gay or bisexual fantasies by being with a Transsexual, then you have come to the wrong place, period. You have got to understand this: a TS girl is like any other woman on the planet. No straight woman wants a gay guy and no bisexual woman wants a gay guy who thinks of her as a guy. A bi-sexual woman wants another woman. A straight woman wants a straight guy. She may date or marry a bisexual guy, but obviously he won’t be fulfilling his fantasies with her, as she is not a guy.

So, if you look at a transsexual woman as being a “she-male” (horribly offensive term), or a woman with “something extra”, then you have completely missed the fact that a TS woman is NOT male in any way, form. Yes, that is what I said.

What? you say. But a woman doesn’t have a penis, does she? YES! We sometimes are born that way, but all are still women. Let’s examine a few things: what makes you a woman or a man? Is it your genitals? If you are a guy and your penis is cut off tomorrow, would you all of a sudden become a female? NO! Look at what happened to John Bobbit, who had his penis cut off. Did he become a woman all of a sudden until it was re-attached? NO!

The fact is, gender identity comes from the brain, not the genitals. We all start off as female in the mother and some will turn into males. But every so often, what happens is that the brain stays female identified and yet the body turns into male, or even ambiguous, as in the case of intersexed, those born with both genitals. In some other cases, the body turns female while the brain stays male.

My brain, my identification is all female. My body is rather ambiguous, looking much more female than male. Because of this, I personally hate the fact I have a penis. I grew up showering in the dark so I wouldn’t have to see it. I sit down to pee, and I have thrown up at the sight of it. I am all female, guys, and so are the other TS’s I know.
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A transvestite is different: that is a guy who gets his kicks dressing as a chick. He doesn’t identify as a female, he identifies as male.

I however, identify as female, not male. I consider myself simply as a woman in need of cosmetic surgery, not much different from any other woman.

In fact, I don’t even think of myself as “TS”. I am just a woman, period. I use the term “TS” because it is what others understand.

A transsexual woman is NOT a gay guy! That is, however, sometimes true for transvestites and crossdressers but that is NOT TS. TS’s are not homosexuals, and that is a medical fact. If a TS were gay, she would be attracted to women, and be a lesbian. Anytime she is attracted to guys, she is straight.

So, if a gay guy wants me, then he has just insulted me greatly. If a bisexual man wants me, then he has also just insulted me, if he is in fact seeing me as the male part to his attraction. It means he doesn’t see me as the woman I am, he sees me as something else. To understand us, you simply have to ask yourself: what would any other woman think of this? Can you imagine climbing into bed with a woman and telling her you are into her because she looks like a guy? She would slap you so hard it would make your head spin.

Now, if a guy who is open-minded, and has what I call “vision to see the future surgeries”, can see me simply as a woman, and not “something extra”, then he has made the first and greatest step towards getting to know me. After all, you fall in love with a person’s BRAIN, not their BODY. Falling for the body only is LUST, which easily assumes the disguise of love. Don’t be fooled, and don’t try to fool your TS girl, as she will figure you out quicker than you can say “but baby….”

Now, let’s talk sex. This doesn’t hold true for every TS woman in the world, as women are as different from each other mentally and emotionally as are men. Within the genders you have such a wide variety of people. Within men you have the Arnold Schwarzenegger types, and also the effeminate gay guy. But they are all men. Within the women you have the hard core biker chick who drinks beer and shoots pool, and the ultra-feminine Liz Taylor type. All women. Transsexual women are the same: we are as different as night and day from each other. Understand that first.

When it comes to me, you will never touch my penis. If you do you will make me cry and I will lose the mood. I hate that damn thing, it is a horrible thing to have to live with, being a woman with this “thing”. Being with me sexually means that I will enjoy pleasing you and watching you being pleased with my actions. It gives me pleasure to see you enjoying me; the greatest joy when you are experiencing me, feeling me, seeing me as the person I truly am: just a chick. I will get my orgasmic pleasure later after the surgery. So, once again you see that if you are entertaining some “gay” fantasy you will be sorely disappointed with me in bed. If you are a straight guy, you will be quite pleased to discover I am gentle, beautiful, and move like any other woman sexually. Now, I know that holds true for many, many pre-op TS’s. I have heard it several times. A post-op TS woman has her vagina, and if you get sexual with her, you may find in many instances that it takes some extra effort to bring her to orgasm. She may like a extended time period of love-making to reach her climax. This has to do with her surgery. Not all TS women are that way, of course, so you must learn your woman’s wants and needs.

The problem between the sexes is that men often (not always, dears, k?) objectify women and thru these masturbatory fantasies they lose their empathy. They never have realistic fantasies. Their fantasies are this “perfect” type of world. There are no odors, feelings, awkwardness, nothing involved but this “perfect” type of sex. They entertain these fantasies and then someday, they might try to make them a reality. What they often find, however, is that no one wants to just jump in bed with them like they do in their fantasies; and that feelings arise and hearts get broken.

Men often think that because they think this stuff, and because they feel that way, that women must think that way too. WRONG! Women usually think very, very different from men.

Women often fantasize about their “Prince-Charming”, the one guy who is sweet and strong, who sweeps them off their feet. We can sometimes orgasm thinking about being loved and appreciated. In fact, some ONLY orgasm that way!

And so the battle begins for understanding between the two genders. Men who have been married and been in love for a long time are usually much more understanding and gentle people than the single guy. This is from their interaction with a woman who teaches them how to “feel” more deeply.

Obviously, seeing a pre-op TS woman as something attractive physically to a straight guy takes a very open mind and a empathetic heart. We understand that. But, you have to look at a person’s mind-set: because that is where any real relationship is formed. You don’t marry a “body”, and if you do, you will soon learn that it is a shallow, meaningless existence bringing no real fulfillment. The emotional/mental connection is what forms a true bond that can weather any storm. Looks fade, people, looks fade.

On the upside, you will many times find that a transsexual woman is a bit more “appreciative” of being able to live their life as they feel it. This oftentimes makes for a woman who really LOVES being a woman, and is many times more feminine than the average woman. (Again, people, there is ALWAYS the exception to the rule!!!) We are not often burnt out on wearing skirts or heels, and many enjoy doing makeup daily. It is for the reason that many of us were denied the chance to do it when younger, and so now that we can, we go all out and really love being ourselves! As for me, I have the very feminine, soft voice, and a very feminine walk. I do my makeup everyday except Sunday, which is pampering time and I do my facials and nails, etc. I dress very nice, every day. Everywhere I go with you, no one will ever suspect a thing.

If you have the right mind-set you can find the woman of your dreams here at the site, but you can’t do it by coming in and being a jerk.

So let’s discuss manners. Think of coming into the transgender chat room as walking into someone’s home where there are many classy, great people there, all having a good conversation. So you walk in and say, what? “I want to 69…any takers? ” Now what would happen to you? You would get told to leave, or maybe even get thrown out the door.

But say you walk in, smile a bit, take a seat and wait to join in on a conversation. You listen to others, what are they talking about? And when you have something to add, you say something witty and maybe charming, followed by a smile. THAT is what women notice, guys. We may not get right up and walk over and sit next to you but some of us just logged your actions into our brains, and thought, “he seems nice….”

Now you are in our minds as a nice guy, and the sky’s the limit as long as you don’t blow it. We are watching you, paying attention to every word, even when you think we aren’t.

And that is exactly how you should treat the TS chat room. Be nice and don’t be impatient: it takes time to get to know someone, ok? If you come in and act like a jerk you will get kicked out.

I encourage you to read up on transsexual women, and learn all you can about us. And most importantly: get real with yourself about why you are here. If it has anything to do with being gay, then sayonara! You have found the wrong place!  If you came here expecting something else, maybe wild sex, and then learned something that has altered your perception of us to be one more flattering and kind, then stick around. As I said, we women are good at teaching you guys how to “feel”, how to respond to us. We are usually more gentle by nature, and it is the perfect compliment between the sexes.

I hope this has been of some value to you.

So what does a transsexual girl want? Respect, love, kindness, humor. A “nice” person who sees us as our true selves. Listen, this I can probably guarantee: our greatest fight, our toughest challenge in life has been: getting others to see us for who we really are, just a woman.

So, if you can do that, if you are here because you simply think of this site as another way to meet good quality women, then you have come to the right place! Enjoy your stay and best of luck!

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