Trans Coming Out Poll: How Out Are You?

This Trans Coming Out poll was conducted via social media on Facebook, Twitter and the TGGuide.com forum. The poll is not intended to be a scientific sampling. It is, however, designed to gain insight into the visibility (out vs closeted), obstacles and advice of the trans people who visit our social media pages. We received 75 responses with some revealing insight into barriers encountered for transgender people.

Trans Coming Out Advice for Your Younger Self

Most respondents also provided advice they would give their younger self. Some of this shared knowledge may prove helpful to a transgender or gender questioning newcomer. One of our core concepts is that we can all help make other’s lives more rewarding by sharing our knowledge. This survey speaks directly to that core concept.

Trans Coming Out Poll – Thank You!

Thank you to SurveyMonkey.com for helping make this poll possible. Survey Monkey provides many options and tools for reporting in various visual formats. See the illustrations below. Thank you to everyone who participated in or helped share the poll. Your comments were insightful and in some cases heartbreaking.

This poll was online for ten days between July 1st and July 11th, 2019. During that time 75 respondents participated in the voluntary poll to determine “How Out Are You As Trans?”

Respondents were asked how they most closely identify from the list of gender/transgender identifiers. The majority (31) preferred to identify simply as “transgender.” Gender questioning, gender fluid and intersex had 1 response each. Non-op transsexual and male each had 2 responses. Four (4) respondents identified as female. Eight (8) identified as post-op transsexual. Ten (10) identified as crossdresser and fifteen (15) identified as pre-op transsexual. See the following illustration.

Trans Coming Out Poll: How Out Are You as Trans?

Trans Coming Out Poll respondents were asked, “How Out Are You as Trans?” The responses may be seen in the bar chart below. The majority of respondents (about 45%) reported being “totally out and proud.” The next largest percentage (about 38%) reported being out to some family and friends. About 11% of respondents had transitioned and only a few know of their past. About 9% remain in the closet.

Trans Coming Out Poll: Barriers in Your Transgender Journey

The poll respondents were asked the question, “What barriers if any have you encountered in your personal transgender journey?” The following responses were recorded from respondents of the poll. Three respondents reported no barriers. Browsing the list of responses below you will notice some recurring barriers faced by transgender people. These include employment, finances, religion, self-doubt, healthcare, fear, family and societal pressures.

Transgender Barriers Reported by Respondents

Employment
Drug rehab nearly killed me. The religious hated…
These shoulders and this voice
Self-worth and self-sabotage
Loss of career as a SAGAFTRA member actor. My agent dropped me as soon as I came out…
Employment and healthcare
The amount of gatekeeping which isn’t as bad as it used to be. The lack of insurance and the money…
Mostly transphobic employers and family members. Bigoted people online who hide their hate behind anonymity.
Spouse
Mostly just fear of new beginnings.
Legal fees to change the gender marker on birth certificate.
Access to competent trans healthcare and therapy. This has gotten much better in recent decades but still needs improvement.
Employment, housing, police and laws criminalizing adult sex workers.

“I’m still early in my journey.”

Not being sure how and when to tell people. I’m still early in my journey.
Lifelong mental health difficulties. Problems with the acceptance of my authentic self.
Family acceptance
My own fear.
The only barrier I’ve had is my own fear to be myself.
Self-doubt
Finding the money to do everything I need to do to get the surgeries done.
I have a physical “passing privilege.” Mentally, it’s a bit different.
Religious shame. Uncommunicated, unsupportive workplace.
Self judgement
Finding all the LGBTQ+ community members in my community. I am trying hard to support, educate and advocate for them with my organization: LGBTQ Northwest Indiana.
Work because I work for a school district.
Society
Lack of support and understanding.

“The barriers were in my mind.”

The lack of courage or personality to confront social rules or conventions. The barriers were in my mind.
Young life = lack of info and judgemental family. Older life = Discriminatory job, and unbelieving wife.
Getting my Ohio birth certificate changed to female, getting health care.
Difficulties with spouse. Having to choose which is more important to me, our relationship, or my self-expression.
Myself and my family.
Assault, threats, abuse, refused services, a VERY long wait time for GIC services.
Would never come out at work. I’m a Firefighter.
Work and social life like sports.
I faced the usual slog with the NHS, especially being elective non-op, which back in my day caused a few stern faces.
Medical and legal issues as well as workplace harassment and job loss.
Some hostility due to lack of education.
The only issue has been local health authority discrimination.
Internalized transphobia

“I’ve been tossed out of bathrooms and a lot more.”

I have MS and being trans and Intersex is generally a bigger topic for doctors than my MS. I’ve been tossed out of bathrooms and a lot more. But mainly as I leave the workforce, it’s hard to get the resources I need to be taken seriously. I was almost homeless and had nowhere to turn. The shelters were not safe. I’m on the verge again and don’t know what will happen.
Embarrassing to my family and friends alienated me.
Family is the one I can’t get past.
Fear
Medical cost, professional acceptance.
Health service delays and mental health issues.
Acceptance of being a straight male, but enjoying cross-dressing. Would be easier if I were gay or wanted to be a woman.
Work
Finding work!
Ridicule toward the trans community. I am worried how my family will be affected
Work. Family. Finances.
Myself and the dysphoria.
Being scared of acceptance, safety, and just being comfortable while slowly making the transition.
Religious intolerance has been the worst by far. Social oppression, largely rooted in religious beliefs almost destroyed me.
It’s my choice to have fully transitioned but not socially.
People telling me how I should act…
Wife and family, but thru love we overcame and are stronger than ever!

Advice You Would Give Your Younger Self

Trans Coming Out Poll respondents were asked, “What advice would you give your ‘younger self’ regarding your gender identity?” Almost all poll respondents answered this question and the results are almost unanimous. Start sooner. Don’t worry about what others think. Be yourself. Get professional support. This is excellent advice! Take a look at the poll responses below.

Advice To Your Younger Self Responses

Come out early, I hid it and now it’s too late.
Be open and stop worrying so much!
Start hormones early.
Be confident and love yourself always.
Don’t wait so long.
Gender becomes less an issue in your life as you get older.

“Keep your head up.”

That thing that happened to you, baby girl, you have to let it go. You don’t want to waste half of your life in fear and self-hatred over something that was wasn’t your fault. Keep your head up. You got this girl.
Do it sooner.
Do it sooner than later.
Be true and keep saying your truth.
You were right in your early 20s. Trust your gut feelings. They are real!
Do it as soon as you can.
Start early and don’t give a shit.
Just do it now.
I wish I transitioned sooner and had not let cis people’s fears and concerns play such a big part in my hesitation.

“Enjoy your transition and life always!”

Transition as soon as possible. Enjoy your transition and life always! Be yourself.
Embrace who you are now, and make the change.
Carefully seek expert assistance for mental health treatments. Use therapy techniques as a basis to find effective self-acceptance. Do not hide from one’s true self. Grow to acceptance and celebration of the new me. Do not delay, when realisation of one’s trans nature is manifest.
I would have told myself that feelings aren’t going to go away and that is ok to be the woman you are.
Do whatever it takes to fix yourself!
Be yourself, that’s the most important thing you can do for yourself.
Don’t be scared.
Start earlier and don’t be afraid. It is liberating and exciting!
Do it NOW!!!
F*ck the rest of them, you do you!
Embrace your true self.

“Follow your feelings. Only your feelings.”

Follow your feelings. Only your feelings. Don’t let anything or anyone tell you differently. 57 years not even knowing I was transgender, but struggling with my identity constantly, along with all the problems that brought. Be yourself.
Don’t worry and go for it
Don’t care about society dress and live yourself.
Transition at a much younger age.
Just do it!
Follow your gut instinct and f*ck what people think or say.
I’m not sure because I’m conflicted with my feelings or was it really worth transitioning due to the overwhelming hate and discrimination we experience at the hands of our government policies. Policies that they continue to allow that continually affect us in negative ways.
Express yourself as you feel you are, and let the world connect to you how it will.
Listen to myself and understand that my feelings are valid
There is nothing wrong with you. You are not unique. Seek support early.
Do it now.
Transition earlier.

“Get professional support ASAP”

Get professional support ASAP.
Have faith, don’t compromise.
Come out and start transition sooner.
Just do it.
Be strong and transition as soon as possible.
It’s not imaginary! Don’t be afraid to get help!
Move west sooner, be more confident, learn to cut people off that are toxic. Be happy. Gender identity and sexuality are not the same, go get the girl. And last but not least, you’ll get SRS, but don’t let it rule you. Enjoy life and your uniqueness. It’s what makes you, you and it’s okay to be a tomboy.
Don’t get married.
Be who you are.
Don’t care what family says.
Don’t get married unless she knows and approves. Transition as young as possible.
Follow your heart much earlier.
Hurry up.
Don’t give up keep letting parents know how you feel!
Never Give up. Dreams do come true.
Trust people more for emotional support.

“Don’t rely on alcohol and drugs”

Don’t rely on alcohol and drugs as I once did to see ya through.
Do it early. Do it now.
Don’t be afraid.
Be who you are, live your life.
Started sooner and not cared what others thought
It’s ok to be who you are even society doesn’t accept you. In the long run you will be much happier if you do what’s best for you.
I am 25 years post-op so I can say with certainty that it gets better once you are true to yourself. Disregard the ignorance of others and live your life on your terms, so long as you do no harm to others.
Don’t be scared to come out. Just be how you feel even if you’re scared.
Don’t hide. Be honest about who you are and don’t take non-acceptance personally.