Telling Your Spouse About Your Crossdressing

Telling Your Spouse About Your Crossdressing is published on with permission of the Author. This article and photographs may not be reprinted without permission of the author. This crossdressing article is submitted by Gerri K. It does not necessarily reflect the opinion of

Telling Your Spouse about crossdressing

A question often raised and discussed among crossdressers is whether or not to tell one’s wife about the predilection to cross-dress. Along with that question is how to go about the process. The pornography of crossdressers often deals with it by developing a wife who either immediately falls in love with the “new girlfriend” or decides to turn the situation into a domination scenario.

Neither of the above is what normally occurs in real life, of course. The revelation will introduce stress into the relationship and that stress will ultimately destroy that relationship unless properly handled and released.

Tips for Telling Your Spouse About Crossdressing

Counselors experienced in transgender issues recommend various courses, but can be summarized by the following:

The wife should be told.

Keeping a secret will ultimately poison the marriage in other ways which will not immediately be apparent.

Involve a counselor immediately.

The crossdresser may, through prior study, know many of the answers to his wife’s questions, but a counselor will have a better chance of being believed by the woman.

Talk a lot with your wife.

Talk not only about the cross-dressing, but most of all about other things. She will be threatened by the cross-dressing. You must assure her that it is not a threat to her or the relationship.

Do not pressure her to see you dressed.

Remember, she married a man and will be disturbed by the sight of her man dressed as a woman. Each woman is different in how she will react to the revelation, and most will not want to deal with the actual sight of the cross-dressing. Seeing the clothing is not a particular threat, in fact it may be good for her to see them to remove any thoughts of hers that there is something “strange” in your collection.

Establish clear boundaries.

Establish boundaries in which you can remain and still have opportunities to dress. Be honest, but at the same time be sure you don’t push her into something with which she is not comfortable. For example, you may establish a room in the house in which it is okay to keep your clothes and times when it is acceptable. Arrangements need to be agreed to as to where the crossdresser can go while dressed…outside…if so where and when? Don’t expect too much too soon.

Do you want to remain married?

Decide early on whether you want to keep the marriage. That is the principal decision. If that is a priority, then the decisions and compromises make concerning cross-dressing become a bit easier. It is easier to decide that keeping the marriage together is more important than insisting that she go shopping with you while dressed, for example.

Should you tell the kids?

Probably not right away, and certainly not while they are very young. They have so much to deal with without having to handle daddy’s strange habits. This is not to say that they should never be told, but the time should take into consideration what is happening in their lives as well.

Keep the lines of communication open.

Check it out daily. Go for walks with your wife where you can talk about all the things that affect your marriage…most of the walk/talks will not even involve talking about cross-dressing. If the communication is open, other things become open as well.

Periodic checkups with the counselor.

Don’t be afraid to go back to the counselor periodically for a checkup, both as a couple and singly. The times alone with the counselor allow each partner to air issues which are difficult to address with their mate. The counselor is also a good check on your boundaries to be sure they are realistic.

Keep things separate.

Keep the job and the cross-dressing separate, especially if you are not absolutely sure of their reaction to your cross-dressing. It is important to maintain an income to support the family, and love has a difficult time surviving poverty.

Be realistic.

It would be nice if all people in the world accepted transgender people and never even cast a passing look your way. Being more realistic, however, one must recognize that it is possible to lose a job (legally or otherwise) or at least go through a great deal of difficult time. It may not be worth it, despite any altruistic motives you or others around you may have.

~ Gerri K

This Transgender article is Published on with express permission of the Author. All rights are reserved by the original author. Any reproduction without permission is prohibited.

TRANSGENDER ARTICLE SUBMISSIONS: TGGuide is seeking writers for articles of interest to the transgender community. We will include information about the author along with links back to your web site. Please contact us to submit your articles.

Leave a Comment