I am 56 and I feel like an actor playing I role that was not meant for me. I have never been very masculine. I prefer pretty things, romantic music, comedies and don't enjoy or even understand the appeal of angry music, violent movies and masculine cruelty. I am a vegetarian and love animals. When I was a young child, I wanted a pair of shoes like my neighbor Stella which freaked my parents out. I hid my desire for pretty feminine things but even still I was bullied a lot. When I got a little older, it turned out I was fairly athletic. This opened doors to a form of acceptance for me. People who used to bully me now accepted me because I hit a baseball well. I still wasn't how I wanted to present myself. For dating I have always been attracted to women but did not know how to tell them how I felt. A few women I have dated have accepted me for me.

My hidden feminine side bothers me. I would like to find someone who accepts the feminine me or find a way to lose my urges to be female. I would love to go to bed one night and wake up female the next morning or wake up a male who comfortable as a male not dreading the male clothes and bullying. As it is I play a role in public and live an isolated feminine role at home. In both roles I feel very lonely. I am hoping someone here can help me with coping methods. I would love to find some friends to expand my world as me and would also love to be passable so I could expand my feminine world of experiences outside of my house but I would need more makeup help. Thanks for reading this far.